Cap'n Cunt

Seeing as golf clubs and Range Rover dealerships are mostly frequented by bummers who are unlikely to procreate, and will probably die of AIDS anyway, it would be a waste of Jihad.

See the menu thingy at the top right of the screen? Press that. Now press the button that says 'Sign Out'. Then go and stand in the middle of a train track and wait for a train.

Are you in the International Space Station?

I never realised she had such big tits. If only she'd got em out on the campaign trail we might not be faced with such a fucked-up election result.

A pound (sterling) gets you more than a pound (avoirdupois weight) of pig's liver at ASDA.

I don't usually go to the butchers looking for things to fuck. If I did, I'd probably go for a pound of liver.

Diane Abbot couldn't run anywhere, the useless lardarse cunt. She could, however, approach Sadiq Khan at a sedate 4mph on her semtex-laden mobility scooter and do the decent thing, thereby ridding the gene pool of two fucking mongs.

Got up to take a piss? I don't even get up to take a shit. Just roll it up in the sheet with your feet and kick it out the bottom of the bed. The maid will sort it out in the morning.

My apologies. I did a search for 'hairless cunts' in topic listings and all it came up with was Jade Goodie.

In the interests of scientific research I have devoted several months to browsing internet porn sites, and I am extremely concerned at the lack of pubic hair on modern women. A well-kept and nicely trimmed bush is, in my humble opinion, vastly more pleasing to the eye than the 'shaven haven', which in some cases resembles a plate of offal prepared by an apprentice butcher and in others, one of Nigel Farage's eyes. The Original Fanny (as designed by God) came with a nice beard to catch the odd drip of urine or semen, yet it seems to be fashionable to modify the design for no obvious benefit; much like taking the badges off your Nissan Micra and painting it matte black. This naked minge craze has indeed become so prevalent that one even has to specifically include 'hairy' in search parameters on adult websites (although this lays open the floodgates to videos of European women with unshaven armpits) to glimpse any kind of ladybush. I think it's shameful and immoral, and an indicator of how far minge standards have declined since the Good Old Days. I bet Teresa May has a nice hairy cunt. Jeremy Corbyn, on the other hand, is just a hairy cunt.

Maybe he's after Abbot's black hole....

No. It's a huge crowd of mongs listening to shit music because they're fucking mongs. It's not a 'massage' (or even 'message') of defiance, it's just that they haven't been killed yet. When they are, we can all update our Facebook pages with Union Jacks and light a fucking candle.

If only someone could draw a picture of that.....

Climate change isn't as bad as people make out. Firstly, all those hippy cunts that live on the Somerset Levels around Glastonbury will be drowned. Secondly Jaywick might get washed away, along with it's collection of useless dolecunts. Thirdly, it'll make the English channel wider and make it harder for them smelly European types to invade Britain; and fourthly I live on top a fucking big hill so I don't give a fuck.

'Cry havoc and release the cods of war'

How pleasing it would be if he got blown up at a Billy Bragg concert.

I'd pour boiling piss into it's eyes, then set it on fire.

Or ripped in half by two enormous cocks.

Thank fuck.

Splashing out on your y-fronts is probably a sign of prostate issues.

Or perhaps he was being controlled by the Mysterons.

You appear to have had a brief moment of lucidity. Well done!

I'm stocking up with guns and bullets. And when the shit starts, I'm gonna be shooting people and taking their Pot Noodles and Newcastle Brown.

I've met Steve Howe. So there.

I'm going to buy his eyebrows if I see them on eBay.