Cap'n Cunt

I hope they're all white and middle class. Wouldn't trust darkies or poor people with valuable stuff.

Tee hee hee! Three layers of minges!

Now that the lovely Princess Meghan has been schooled into the proper way of behaving as a member of our wonderful Royal Family, Buckingham Palace have mysteriously found themselves with a surplus of bananas. Ever-thoughtful Meghan has come up with a top idea, all on her own: 'Let's write messages of affirmation on them, and give them to prostitiutes in Bristol!' So, after diligently instructing some of her humble footmen to write things such as 'You Are Special', 'You Are Brave' and 'You Are Strong' on the bananas, they were distributed to the raddled crack whores of Brislington. Anna Kryskov, who came over from Lithuania last year to study Benefits, was so thrilled with hers that she offered to stick it, unpeeled, up her cunt for five English pounds while we watched.

Hawkeye the noo, you fucking spaz. And while I'm here @Mrs Roops why was my Banana Bunch nom deleted? Was it because I .......

Foreign footballist Emiliano Sala has done a bit of a Glenn Miller and disappeared in a small aircraft somewhere between France and Cardiff. Silly French cunts should have launched him into the Channel on a Lidl's rubber dinghy, then our 'Border Force' would have picked him up and ferried him across to Dover once he got twenty yards out from Calais.

McCains Micro-Chips?

Ticks all the boxes. Would tick more boxes if one of them was disabled, or blind, or actually.......no, you can't have fucking white people winning, that would be wacist.

Asking for a friend is a bit of a lost cause on here. Unless you're a bummer.

I bought at least 4 pounds worth of Lidl faux chocolate for Halloween - I don't want chavvy cunts chucking eggs at my windows. Thankfully, none of these ne'er-do-wells actually turned up, so now I have a mountain of cheap 'chocolat' to eat. If I become diabetic, I'll blame America for this imported shite.

I'm not judgemental. I like to give everyone a fair hearing. You've had yours. I dislike you immensely, mostly due to your poor command of the English language - although this apparent dyslexia may be due to you having fat sausage-like fingers that are unable to poke the right place on your Tesco PAYG mobile phone. Either way, you bring nothing new to this site, so fuck off.

Give it a couple of years of Sharia law and nobody north of Manchester will be able to clap.

I expect they expanded to fill the carriageway widthways.

So if I identify as a racist, I can claim discrimination if someone punches me for insulting a foreigner?

I though Dave Bummer was more appropriate.

I bet Dave will have his sideboard on eBay by Monday.

The Village People have certainly let themselves go.

Your point being?

Perhaps you'd like to provide a link to your Facebook pics, so we could all assess whether you made the right decision in marrying her?

I don't see what's so bad about being called a 'racist'. I don't like anyone of any colour, creed or nationality. They can all fuck off, especially the brown ones.

I think you'll find that two of them are actually girls.

I'll tell you what I really really want: to hang you, naked, upside-down from the rafters of a secluded barn and pour molten lead up your arse.

He might get into the BDSM, though. Well, when he's achieved puberty.

DOES. IT'S 'DOES', NOT 'DOE'S' YOU FUCKING MONG. Try going to school more often instead of pimping your arsehole out to old men for 10 Benson's and a swig of White Lightning. You're a fucking disgrace.

I'd rather they re-enacted the potato famine.