Last Cunt Standing

The proprietors have thought of this. Every room has a little card door hanger with the breakfast menu on it so you can have Osama the bell boy bring up a cloche covered tray in the morning. I wouldn’t request the bacon mind you, it has a distinctly Ricin-like aftertaste. And whatever you do, don’t eat the little green chocolate left with your nightly turn down, as you’ll find lifting it off the pillow triggers an IED in the headboard. A thousand rusty nails covered in goat shit going straight for your carotid is the sort of service which made Afghan hospitality famous. Don’t expect a Gideon bible in your nightstand.

No chance of this Baws, NHS Management are more supine than the French Infantry, and their endless pandering to “service users” has rendered most Doctors as impotent as Pele after a night on the beer. In many cases the idiots have quite literally taken over the asylum. Now I must go, I have an elearning module to do on female genital mutilation, which is a perfect accompaniment to this evenings Snooker final.

I’d say the psychotic bitch was trying to channel Noel Gallagher.

Indeed Baws. And in the self same post from April, she reveals her bastard spawn ran around the doctors office picking up the sharps bin and pissing on the floor. Hepatitis C followed by fulminant liver failure would be a blessed release from having this window-licking monstrosity mother you for the next dozen years. Poor kids have no chance.

If Premier Inn decide to open one of their suburban tramp warehouses in Aleppo, I do hope they send their erstwhile ambassador over there to test the mattresses and gurn into camera for a new TV ad. The prospect of grainy iPhone footage splashed over Al Jazeera of the Dudley Dickhead kneeling on a sand dune in an orange jumpsuit would be the funniest thing he’s done since flanning Sally James on Tiswas. With the exception of his marriage to The Elephantine Vicar of Dibley of course.

A colleague who spends his time tending to the broken bones of pensioners in the Liverpool area recently directed me to this website as we discussed the plight of Colin Bailee, the Surgeon and purported offender in this story from November, during the tea break of a medical conference. http://mentalmummy.co.uk/ So it seems the “boxheaded wife who looks like she can only get wet through the act of complaining on social media” has form for bipolar and anxiety. Who’d have thunk it? Cunt.

Given the collapse of the Pound versus the Euro, people might be looking a little further afield for their two weeks of fun in the sun. Step forward this delightful little place available this Summer, highly rated by Trap Advisor. You’ll find there’s plenty of room around the pool, all the Goat you can eat in the buffet, and the entertainment team will make sure your evening goes with a bang. The recently renovated penthouse suite has a beautiful open-plan feel, with the newly-distressed picture window offering breathtaking views of the Infidel Bar and swim-up USS Cole simulator. For those seeking something different, why not try the Tora Bora experience where you too can try hiding from Hellfire missiles while simultaneously shooting a beheading video for Al-You Tube. A unique incentive scheme means Rotherham Taxi drivers can bring their family for free, including those paler nieces they’ve been hiding in the flat above the Kebab shop. In the evening you can pop down to the Grand Bazar, where you’ll be amazed at the range of suicide vests, Charlie Hebdo memorabilia, photocopied CRB certificates and rectum-sized Heroin packages you can pick up for pennies. Direct-to-building flights with Atta Airways keeps those transfer times to a minimum. Judith Chalmers is a Cunt. Fuck off.

You should've picked a better Team, Punky. I'd have thought the LA Rims or the Seattle Spunkhawks were far more your cup of Budweiser. Note doubt you left at halftime to slip off to Confession at some Miami mega-church full of exiled Cubans - Our Lady of the Immaculate Liferaft or some such?

I thought you were dying of some hideous tumour you Francophile goose strangling Cunt? or that "apathy had gotten you". Here's praying for a nice cerebral metastasis you absolute fucktard.

Frameless windows are a common design phenomenon these days, but on icy days like these they are a right pain in the hole. Parked up in an airport car park and returned to my car only to find it welded shut by cunting ice and frost, and the auto-drop when the door opens/closes won’t work so I drove home with my door half-shut and alarming. A right cunt of a way to come back to this frozen island shithole after a fortnight in the Emirati sun. Fuck off.

Terrify them, Neil...show them your damaged helmet.

It’s on BT Sport in the U.K., Richard.

Oxymoron alert, you gurning moron. I don’t think you can have the shit raped out of you, then kicked out of you, for surely any seriously aggressive bum action would leave very little shit to be kicked. I will however defer to our resident secretary of the Cheshire Branch of The Vatican Golf Society, who I suspect is something of an expert in the finer detail of rough sodomy.

Mrs T would be proud of you my neoliberal individualist friend. I mean, fuck collective security, eh? There’s no such thing as society, after all. I’m sure you have plenty in the Swiss account, so much so that even a catastrophe like Motor Neurone Disease would provoke barely a shrug from your bank manager. The £1m+ in expected lifetime costs could easily be met with a cheque from Coutts, and certainly wouldn’t require your wife to sell a kidney or your daughter to go on the game. I mean, why should “The Strivers”give a shit if their neighbour goes from respected professional to drooling spastic with a catheter and a conti pad in less time than it takes for Lewis Hamilton to park his new jet at Douglas Airport. Fuck them, eh? The concept that you can measure a civilisation by how the weak and vulnerable are treated is just a load of wet Commie wank to you I don’t doubt. If you do worry about the demands on the government teet, how about means testing the Boomers with their vast unearned housing wealth before you start on the sick and disabled, you warped Cunt. Did Grandad have a black uniform and armband in the loft or something? Mail readers don’t need to worry about staying warm in the winter, for it rarely snows in Hell. Attlee must be spinning in his grave. Fuck off.

No, I don’t suffer from Prosopagnosia. However I have a feeling I’d struggle to tell you apart from a piss-soaked old tramp. Are you still carrying Punkys’ handbag down at Our Lady of the Immaculate Nine Iron or what?

Are these two mutually exclusive? Fred West didn’t think so.

I recommend a career in Neurosurgery, Pen.

June would probably get on well with you Bertie, for she knows how to handle a Right Tit like almost no one else in Britain.

Decs, you make fair points, and were this Question Time you could expect a warm ripple from the Tunbridge Wells audience. Many a PhD thesis has been written on what is called multimorbidity and our ageing population. For example, in 1995 at my surgery the average patient visited 2.7 times per year, and had a total of 11.6 items per year on prescription. Those numbers in 2015 were 8.8 and 26.7. 50% of my daily workload relates to people over 60. This exponential trend shows no sign of stopping. We have known this for years. The downside to preventative medicine (or upside if you are a GSK shareholder) is that that combination of blue pill white pill green pill five times a day extends your life so you can keep taking blue pill white pill green pill for 40 years. I won’t be drawn on the politics of who should get what funded. But don’t think the mess we are in is accidental. It’s a classic defund, destabilise, demonise, denationalise Con-trick as Chomsky predicted. Now, can we get back to calling a Cunt a Cunt, and Punkape a Cocksucking Fraud? fuck off.

Correct Baws, you win a free Bed Bath.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/11/nhs-patients-dying-in-hospital-corridors-doctors-tell-theresa-may And still the agony continues..... How many pensioners can you fit in your average hospital corridor? answers on a postcode to Jezza Hunt, Secretary of State for Geronticide, c/o 7th Circle of Hell.

I think you mean Special K, which seems appropriate given I suspect you are familiar with being labelled “Special”, as in drooling vegetable. Even for a first swing it’s a fucking shitty substandard effort, as my erstwhile fellow Cunts have pointed out. I suggest you read a book or twenty before you venture back here, or expect a merciless Cunting.

A rare honour to receive feedback from your good self, universally adored by all who encounter him. Haven’t you got a hot date with Fr McFeeley behind the Confessional? Best get your cassock on, Punky... Fuck Off...

Pigs are sentient creatures, Baws. These scumbags are Scousers, several notches below algae on the Attenborough scale of appreciable life on Earth. I pray nightly for a freak Irish Sea Tsunami to roll up the Mersey and drown this nest of thieving emotional incontinents.

Evening Cunts, Here’s today’s thought experiment to get us all grinding our premolars: http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/42623021 The FA, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to import The Rooney Rule from the NFL, presumably in error, thinking it referred to everyone’s favourite spud-faced Scouse Grannyfucker and former England Captain. So now when inevitably Team England get humiliated in Russia by the mighty Lesotho or some such, and Gareth Southgate is told to fall on his sword (missing, obviously), we will be forced to endure weeks of faux outrage from the Daily Mail as the FA are now obliged to consider at least one non-white figure for the role of England Manager. Please let it be Trevor McDonald. Or Rustie Lee. Imagine that team talk. Now I personally don’t give a fuck if the next Manager is purple (and Barney The Dinosaur might be better at it than Woy Hodgson), but I think this dated affirmative action shite is a bit beyond the pale. How about “the best man for the job” as a short, punchy recruitment policy? Lets say they do appoint an Ince or Barnes or fuck it, Kamara, how will these chaps handle the inevitable snide inference from the sporting press that they have Tokenism and the FA PR department to thank for their new job. A total poorly thought-through shit show and fucking awful US import. Football is no longer just for Irons, but for Steels, Bronzes and Brasses (though an alternate Rooney Rule does apply to the latter). Fuck off.