Last Cunt Standing

From the Government that brought you Ferry contracts with no Ferries, and Aircraft Carriers with no Aircraft, comes the latest in a long line of dodgy wheezes. Splashed all over the press today is a story about how the UK Government splurged ludicrous amounts of your money about the place to every dodgy arsehole with a Limited company in the witless search for PPE. Millions of pounds doled out to tinpot entities with no history of ever providing so much as a pair of gloves, and with balance sheets which would make a church jumble sale blush. This money gushed out of the UK to far flung offshore accounts from where it will no doubt disappear, only to wash up in the Home Counties where sales of red braces and boat shoes will rocket. If you haven’t noticed this story, start with “Ayanda Capital and Andrew Mills” and see how long it is before you vomit. Clearly lying is no longer a buzz, so the Pigs in Power are moving on to Thieving. What a disgusting bunch of corrupt Cunts, and how sad to see the UK reduced to full blown banana republic status. £30-odd million to a fucking web nerd turning over £40k a year, with a sprinkling of Tory councillors and usual suspect hangers-on for good measure? Robert Jenrick giving friendly developers the nod? You should all be fucking rioting.

This may or may not be true, but that hit piece where they use Reagan’s Oval Office address to beat the Orang-Utan over the head with looked pretty bloody effective to me, and I suspect it will go over well with certain bits of the GOP electorate. Trump is once again fortunate with his opponent though; Biden is bloody awful. You’d think they would have learned from Hilary. Any half decent Democrat would be 1/1000 on right now. If you haven’t seen Trump’s Axios interview it is worth a look.

Warning? For a dentist/hunt sab/Mensa member/engineer/porn star/millionaire’s trophy wife you’re a bit of a big girl’s blouse, aren’t you?

Indeed. A certain transplant surgeon from the North West used to refer to the August Bank Holiday as “Harvest Festival”.

Well then for Christ’s sake remember your station and your schooling.

Hey Southern, how’s it going over there in Lockdown land? How are you passing the time? And what’s a Seat Toledo?

It’s Lloyds OF London, you oik.

I can’t claim that honour, Baws. But everyone knows about the scenes at the 2016 Scottish Cup Final, don’t they? Bloody marvellous.

Extra chorus of Sunshine on Leith for that reply, Baws. Out of likes.

I’d say your GP is on the money there. Though perhaps in his differential for “arms getting longer” would have been “massive chip on shoulder”, just as his list of possibles for “scraped knuckles” would have included “wanker” and “hooligan”. He knows you’re not working class, mind, given you insist on clogging up the waiting room with your mobility scooter festooned with UKIP stickers, and have been waddling down the corridor for a sick note since the launch of Channel 5. Like I said, your GP is on the money. Next time you see him, do pass on my regards. And ask him for more Lantus, ‘cos come January you are truly fucked.

Repeat bollocks.

Not too dissimilar an experience to Scottish kids, who watch the SPL through the window of Dixons and wonder why it is that in their country the Special Olympics appears to have taken over professional football, given the proliferation of malco idiots running about Hampden Park.

I imagine there will be some obscure bollocks about yokels tying their rotting molars to door handles for a DIY extraction not following mask protocol or some such wank. The world is drowning in misinformation. On an unrelated note, I’ve just noticed that the simian in your avatar appears to be sniffing his finger. Why might that be?

Surely we now need to revisit the Brandes/McGrath legendary sledge; Oi Brandes, why are you so fat? ... Because every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit. McVities couldn’t supply enough biscuits for this fella.

I never did get bored enough to venture off piste, but it’s true the white coat is a mighty powerful thing. Are you familiar with the work of Stanley Milgram? Your last sentence is unnecessarily reductionist in its’ view of modern medicine. It’s possible to do several examinations at once with practice. If you can’t examine an ear canal while listening to a chest, checking a breast lump and simultaneously inserting a Mirena then frankly you aren’t trying hard enough.

I imagine the three organisations you quote looked at the content of the video and the background of those appearing before concluding it was utter bollocks, and dangerous bollocks at that. Just as you should. “America’s Frontline Doctors” shouldn’t be in charge of anything more than a whelk stall.

No deal. I’ll open the box, Noel.

Exactly the sort of creature who’ll one day be discovered in Leather chaps hanging around a San Francisco Lav. Unhinged.

Outrageous suggestion.

Are Fake Provident Checks still a thing? They were all the rage among my more economically challenged customers some years ago. In fact I was once offered £50k worth of high quality fakes for £500 by a well-meaning Ned who entirely accepted that I’d never get them past the Checkout at Waitrose.

I’m sure there’s another group of white-coated idiots waiting for their moment to strike with this suggestion. I’m looking forward to Fox News covering the suggestion that sex with a prepubescent virgin will cure Covid, as many “doctors” in sub Saharan Africa have been claiming about HIV for years. Amazing the Donald is signing up to theories from “Shitholes” now, such is his desperation.

You did. But I refuse to tar them all with the same tarbrush.

How sad to see tertiary syphyllis kicking in for you Billy. I’m afraid “America’s Frontline Doctors” are a bunch of weirdos and fruit loops spouting dangerous nonsense. So a bit like the Orange Lodge. Take one of the protagonists, Dr Immanuel. Her major claims to fame are that she founded the Fire Power Ministry in Texas and believes “Astral sex”, i.e intercourse with ghosts, is responsible for pelvic pain and miscarriage. She must be the pride of her Nigerian Medical school. Quack, Quack. Utter shite.

I’m sure you could help him burn off a few calories Punkers. Golf, obviously.

I’d have thought you’d have been a big fan of the mask Neil, given what we know of your nocturnal activities. Your heavy breathing is well disguised, and your unsuspecting victim is already effectively pre-gagged. Naturally you’ll be looking for a peephole version but until such a things hit the market it’s happy days in Norfolk. No?