Guest Keith Lard Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 So I was out at the Walkabout in Derby last night, wearing my best fedora and MLP t-shirt along with my socks and sandals, on my mission to get laid. I went up to the ladies in the nightclub and use my best pick-up lines I gathered from watching all the anime at home. The ladies usually responded with insults such as “Fuck off you wanker” or “I just turned into a lesbian after meeting you”, although if it’s just verbal abuse if I’m lucky enough. When it came to midnight everyone is on the dance floor grinding each other, and there is me standing by myself, covered in Smirnoff vodka that was thrown at me and my balls all aching after a few bitches punched them. I’m getting so sick of how women treat nice guys like me like shit whilst going for them douchebag cunts instead, so I walked into the centre of the dance floor, got on my knees, took my shirt off and got my katana of the strap of my back. I made a public announcement that I was going to commit seppuku for no girl wanting to have sex with me. Everyone stood silent and watch, as I lifted my katana and pushed it towards my stomach. The katana had then bended against my stomach and snapped in half. Everyone began laughing at me and told me to fuck off. I ran off crying and hid behind some nearby bins. I phone called my mother to pick me up as I’m too embarrassed to go home by myself. It wasn’t all bad at the end, my mom treated me to a kebab on my way home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Keef, I was about to say i'm done with this site - seriously. But sad cunt as you are in your Brony disguise, you've restore my faith in cuntery. Well done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 So I was out at the Walkabout in Derby last night, wearing my best fedora and MLP t-shirt along with my socks and sandals, on my mission to get laid. I went up to the ladies in the nightclub and use my best pick-up lines I gathered from watching all the anime at home. The ladies usually responded with insults such as “Fuck off you wanker” or “I just turned into a lesbian after meeting you”, although if it’s just verbal abuse if I’m lucky enough. When it came to midnight everyone is on the dance floor grinding each other, and there is me standing by myself, covered in Smirnoff vodka that was thrown at me and my balls all aching after a few bitches punched them. I’m getting so sick of how women treat nice guys like me like shit whilst going for them douchebag cunts instead, so I walked into the centre of the dance floor, got on my knees, took my shirt off and got my katana of the strap of my back. I made a public announcement that I was going to commit seppuku for no girl wanting to have sex with me. Everyone stood silent and watch, as I lifted my katana and pushed it towards my stomach. The katana had then bended against my stomach and snapped in half. Everyone began laughing at me and told me to fuck off. I ran off crying and hid behind some nearby bins. I phone called my mother to pick me up as I’m too embarrassed to go home by myself. It wasn’t all bad at the end, my mom treated me to a kebab on my way home. Look at the bright side, you didn't get the crap kicked out of you. Being ridiculed and laughed at is something you're already used to. I assume you'll go back to ravaging your plushies in your Mum's basement, then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 I think it was the socks and sandals combo that did for him. Keef, you need to buy yourself a blow-up doll. Preferably one that has an arse as well as a minge. I've taken the trouble to look up some sites. A favourite seems to be Bumdelotta.com, they have a very nice girl called Ivana Pervstress for three holed fundom. A snip at £840. You could even run her through with your katana if she pissed you off and you wouldn't even have to go to jail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted October 25, 2014 Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 The last inflatable device he had, he lost through an open window, when he bit it, and THAT was just a 'Fart Cushion' But an anatomically correct love doll can be restrained with leather straps to his bed frame. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Kebab you say eh, Keith..... Was that with salad and chilli sauce? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 ... it would HAVE TO BE restrained! One look at Broneyo, and it would make a dive back into its box! My guess would be it would simply deflate, much like when judge is asked to pay up front. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Keith you have made a fatal error, you need a proper Yoshinda Yoshihara made blade. It would not have bent when you tried to use it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Considering the alleged occurrences in the majority of your posts, I would of thought failure is great success in your little coven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Fedoras are awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Fedoras are awesome! Boaters are better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Ban the cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Ban the cunt. Won't happen ......as long as we don't see his beef bayonet in action. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Good to see Keith not falling for the overt sexuality. All these girls trying to lure him into their meat locker and intending to sodomize him. It's very wise of you Keith to honour your mother and call her and very foolish of you to fuck up the seppuku. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Keith I'm sure that your failed attempt is all to do with angles. In the interests of mankind and common decency, please provide me with an in depth, detailed diagram showing your exact position relative to the katana. I will then hold conference with the greatest academicians in the fields of mathematics and physics, who will strive to calculate the exact velocity and angle of impact to ensure instant death. I expect a Nobel peace prize afterwards for ridding the planet of its most obscene sexual deviant since Edgar Hoover breathed air. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 ... Hold up, I got to the point of: "When it came to midnight everyone is on the dance floor grinding each other..." and then got confused. SURELY, come midnight you change back into a pumpkin? I reckon we all need to witness first hand one of these Broneyo nights-out...? (Maybe next year, when the clocks go forward and we're all doing other shit instead) You got that far Jazzers? I got as far as "So,I was out". I gave up after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted October 26, 2014 Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 ban the cunt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Keith Lard Posted October 27, 2014 Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 ban the cunt Suck my dick Ding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted October 27, 2014 Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Suck my dick Ding. Really, Bronski! You might want to think about playing a little harder to get. If you keep throwing the offer around, it just won't be special when it actually happens. Or should I say IF it ever happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 27, 2014 Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Yahtzee! Ermm...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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