Guest Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Back in my day you used to have answer two questions when ordering a coffee, black or fucking white. I was standing behind some stinking fucking hippy mole with a save the rainforest motif on her shirt waiting to order at a café and couldn't believe how fucking complex and wankerish the simple act of ordering a fucking coffee has become. This cunt of a thing requested "A double shot soy latte with vanilla bean essence from the house blend Arabica in a mug but made not too hot so I can drink it on the run" I was fucking gobsmacked. A- I didn't know what half of this load of old wank was and B- why the fucking hell has coffee consumption become so fucking complex. It was my turn to order and I asked the chap for a cup of coffee. The dumb as fuck pinhead looked at with disdain and said "Sir, what kind of coffee would you like?" I said "A white coffee" Pinhead sighed and looked at me like I was a fucking imbecile and said "what kind of white coffee...." I had had enough of this cunt by now and said "I just want a fucking white coffee in a fucking cup, on a fucking saucer, with a fucking spoon and a fucking biscuit is that too fucking hard to understand or should I speak to you in French you dumb as fuck fucker?" The missus and I were then escorted off the premise for using abusing language but I managed to lift a salt n pepper shaker and ten sugar sticks on my way out. Fuck him and fuck overcomplicating a simple fucking thing like ordering a cunting cup of coffee. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 You're spot on with this one, Grumps. Ordering a coffee used to be easy. Now, it's cappuccino, espresso, machiato, latte, double latte, half this with a sprinkle of that on low fat other.... fuck off, cunts! Now they put fucking ice in coffee. Do you want a hot beverage or cold, make up your thicko fucking mind! Poncey fucking cunt wanksticks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 I love coffee but only drink a brand of instant at home... Black, no sugar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 The day they start messing with Tea is the day the Fourth Reich will appear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 To avoid Babylonic confusion and have the fastest coffee pit stop possible I only order short espresso, black. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cuntcrapper Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Had the misfortune to have to use a fuckin MacDonalds recently. Full of bratshits and their ugly mothers, looking like the fuckin crap they were shovelling in their gob holes, whilst pummelling smart phone keyboards and instructing their shithead dumpings, 'naaah babe leave it aarrrrt'. Ordering was an ordeal. I was confronted by a child sized chav stamped bitchette, facially resembling a stoat and with a voice like Woody Woodpecker orgasming in a urinal. 'Wa yyyyyyy eeeeeee ee eel eeooo' it announced without eye contact. 'Big Mac, coffee please' was what I thought sounded suitable. Weeeee eey eye rupee urp, bee weeeee clapeeee wok wizeee woofer was the response. After several repeats and no progress I retorted, Beeee yeeey urkiiic eeee, with bbbbbb's veeebeee bopweee. An instant response I'd got a chocolate thing with a big hole in the top and a black coffee. - Cunts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 My coffee like my women,black. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Had the misfortune to have to use a fuckin MacDonalds recently. Full of bratshits and their ugly mothers, looking like the fuckin crap they were shovelling in their gob holes, whilst pummelling smart phone keyboards and instructing their shithead dumpings, 'naaah babe leave it aarrrrt'. Ordering was an ordeal. I was confronted by a child sized chav stamped bitchette, facially resembling a stoat and with a voice like Woody Woodpecker orgasming in a urinal. 'Wa yyyyyyy eeeeeee ee eel eeooo' it announced without eye contact. 'Big Mac, coffee please' was what I thought sounded suitable. Weeeee eey eye rupee urp, bee weeeee clapeeee wok wizeee woofer was the response. After several repeats and no progress I retorted, Beeee yeeey urkiiic eeee, with bbbbbb's veeebeee bopweee. An instant response I'd got a chocolate thing with a big hole in the top and a black coffee. - Cunts! Service with a sneer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 I always like asking for a black coffee... and they come up with some crap about monkeys, yanks, anorexics and various ex-colonies of ours... ...to which I repeat... A black coffee please... you cunt... My coffee like my women,black. Thats a fucking terrible mis-quote there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 I do agree grumpy about pretentious cunts such as the hippy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 I do agree grumpy about pretentious cunts such as the hippy No time for pretentious hippy cunts. I'll point her out and maybe you can eat her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 It's a ruddy minefield isn't it?You've barely got your order out and it's "Is that a Big Mac Meal? Would you like fries with that? Would you like to go large for an extra £ and your scrotal sack?"No! You chiselling twatter! Did I fucking stutter??? I ordered my meal, you heard it, now go and get it and we'll have none of your corporate American, upselling jive-talk today, my pustule-riddled freak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Barristas???'Wristers' more like.A more deluded bunch of cunts you couldn't find this side of the Gallowgate End when the Toon Army are playing at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 What's wrong with a trusty old thermos these days, every fucker wants to sit in a designer fucking coffee house where the only blemish in the place is piss drips on the toilet seat. I take the flask with me on most days out, I must have saved a small mortgage in the time some of these twats have pissed gallons of the designer shite down the crapper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 ...with a voice like Woody Woodpecker orgasming in a urinal. Fucking class, CC. I'll have a pint of what you're drinking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DrCunt Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 ... so that's how they make cappuccino frothy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Fucking hell Grumps - I almost choked on my half caff frappucini with whipped cream and marshmallow dunkers when I read this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Baristas can handle all warm liquids into frothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 It's the uber-cunts who go to these places and then order decaf that amaze me. Why the fuck would anyone drink coffee without caffeine? What's the fucking point? Excuse me, I'm off for a line of amphetamine-free speed now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 It's the uber-cunts who go to these places and then order decaf that amaze me. Why the fuck would anyone drink coffee without caffeine? What's the fucking point? Excuse me, I'm off for a line of amphetamine-free speed now. Some foul mouthed fat-fuck long finger-nailed thing... a lady negress of sorts, boogalood in front of me complaining that she'd be given full fat milk. The obese booty bitch could taste the fat on her rouged-up spitting image lips. Fuck me she was horrible. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Some foul mouthed fat-fuck long finger-nailed thing... a lady negress of sorts, boogalood in front of me complaining that she'd be given full fat milk. The obese booty bitch could taste the fat on her rouged-up spitting image lips. Fuck me she was horrible. Did she get into a kind of voodoo rage about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Did she get into a kind of voodoo rage about it? voodoo.. lots of sucking in through teeth and bulging eyes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Coffee is teh gay. Filthy stuff drunk by even filthier forrin types. You are a cunt if you drink coffee. And a probably a terrorist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Just a few years ago, I read a novel which contained the line; "I'll have a coffee latte." I read it as 'have a coffee later', thinking it was a typing error. Shows me for the cunt I am. Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted October 28, 2014 Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Just a few years ago, I read a novel which contained the line; "I'll have a coffee latte." I read it as 'have a coffee later', thinking it was a typing error. Shows me for the cunt I am. Fuck off. What a cunt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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