Guest MikeD Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 Royal Mail have carried out a health and safety assessment on a house because the family's cat gets excited and jumps up at the mail when it comes through the letterbox and a few posties have had their fingers scratched. No doubt there will be a compensation claim and the cat will have to be shot and the family evicted. For the love of fuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 Well done kitty, keep up the good work. Our postman is a cunt and constantly interrogates me as to why there is no number on the door. "House name no good, where number?" Just hand over my eagerly awaited parcel in plain packaging and fuck off before the batteries go flat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 3 minutes ago, nobgobbler said: Well done kitty, keep up the good work. Our postman is a cunt and constantly interrogates me as to why there is no number on the door. "House name no good, where number?" Just hand over my eagerly awaited parcel in plain packaging and fuck off before the batteries go flat. There was a clip shown on the news of the cat jumping up when the mail came in. Seriously, any stupid cunt putting his hand as far through a letterbox which allows a cat to grab his finger deserves to have his hand bitten off by a fucking pit-bull, not just scratched by a cat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 3 minutes ago, MikeD said: There was a clip shown on the news of the cat jumping up when the mail came in. Seriously, any stupid cunt putting his hand as far through a letterbox which allows a cat to grab his finger deserves to have his hand bitten off by a fucking pit-bull, not just scratched by a cat. Yeah he must be a puff. A real man would probe the letter box with his cock first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 Just now, nobgobbler said: Yeah he must be a puff. A real man would probe the letter box with his cock first. You have to stand really close to get it through though. So I hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 53 minutes ago, MikeD said: You have to stand really close to get it through though. So I hear. I've heard that you have to stand on 2 copies of the yellow pages to get eye level with the average letterbox. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 1 hour ago, nobgobbler said: Yeah he must be a puff. A real man would probe the letter box with his cock first. I find rubbing a bit of Whiskas on it first ensures the little cunt will cling on for dear life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 1 hour ago, Bubbles said: I've heard that you have to stand on 2 copies of the yellow pages to get eye level with the average letterbox. When he's getting a reach around from Ding, the dreary northern cunt has to stand in a five foot hole in the ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 4 hours ago, MikeD said: Royal Mail have carried out a health and safety assessment on a house because the family's cat gets excited and jumps up at the mail when it comes through the letterbox and a few posties have had their fingers scratched. No doubt there will be a compensation claim and the cat will have to be shot and the family evicted. For the love of fuck. Seeing as its in Britain, I think there should be a public enquiry that will drag on for years and cost millions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 3 hours ago, nobgobbler said: Well done kitty, keep up the good work. Our postman is a cunt and constantly interrogates me as to why there is no number on the door. "House name no good, where number?" Just hand over my eagerly awaited parcel in plain packaging and fuck off before the batteries go flat. My uncle was a postie. He got up at silly o'clock to sort the mail and was on the streets at 7 am rain or shine, smart in his uniform with a smile. These cunts now turn up at any where between 11am and 1pm in a tracksuit and half the time fuck up the delivery. Eastern European bastards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 3 hours ago, Bubbles said: I've heard that you have to stand on 2 copies of the yellow pages to get eye level with the average letterbox. I dare say you spend most of your time on your knees. That seems to be the way with the main attraction at a bukakke party. Is it just you, Decimus, Bill and Frank or do you let others join in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 1 hour ago, Decimus said: When he's getting a reach around from Ding, the dreary northern cunt has to stand in a five foot hole in the ground. I wondered when you'd come along. Wife given you time off from watching the kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 16 minutes ago, MikeD said: I dare say you spend most of your time on your knees. That seems to be the way with the main attraction at a bukakke party. Is it just you, Decimus, Bill and Frank or do you let others join in? Quincy does a top job as location planner, Manky is in charge of security, Scotty does a standup routine, Swarms is the certified first-responder, Punkers is responsible for catering and your mum is the toilet attendant. As she does such a swell job, I have been known to throw her a bone on occasion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 At least it's work,better than walking the streets Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 2 minutes ago, Bubbles said: Quincy does a top job as location planner, Manky is in charge of security, Scotty does a standup routine, Swarms is the certified first-responder, Punkers is responsible for catering and your mum is the toilet attendant. As she does such a swell job, I have been known to throw her a bone on occasion. She did mention that there's always one begging for more regardless of how much he's swallowed and they actually have to physically restrain him and stop him from crying when it's over. Said his name began with a B but couldn't be sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 22 minutes ago, MikeD said: She did mention that there's always one begging for more regardless of how much he's swallowed and they actually have to physically restrain him and stop him from crying when it's over. Said his name began with a B but couldn't be sure. Bill? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 As an ex-postman, I do not approve of all this fuss over a loveable family pet. Just remember the address then stuff all the mail down a convenient grid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 2 minutes ago, Manky said: As an ex-postman, I do not approve of all this fuss over a loveable family pet. Just remember the address then stuff all the mail down a convenient grid. Ex-postie eh? I always had you down as an ex-trucker, complete with a large sweaty gut, minimal social skills, and six prostitutes buried in concrete under your conservatory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 1 hour ago, Bubbles said: Bill? Possibly, but when she mentioned the crying then i figured it had to be you. Apparently the others were speaking about how Bubbles thought he was part of the gang but they would probably just discard him after they'd used him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 1 hour ago, Bill Stickers said: Ex-postie eh? I always had you down as an ex-trucker, complete with a large sweaty gut, minimal social skills, and six prostitutes buried in concrete under your conservatory. No. Did the post for 6 months. But I have a large sweaty gut, minimal social skills and six prostitutes buried in concrete under my conservatory. PS. The comma immediately before the 'and' is not neccessary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 3 minutes ago, Manky said: PS. The comma immediately before the 'and' is not neccessary As you are a barely literate, disgustingly ignorant, thick as pig shit northern cunt, I'm not overly suprised that you have never heard of the Oxford comma. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 6 minutes ago, MikeD said: Possibly, but when she mentioned the crying then i figured it had to be you. Apparently the others were speaking about how Bubbles thought he was part of the gang but they would probably just discard him after they'd used him. I'm trying to work out if you're attempting to dish out a cunting? If you're not, you should give it a try. If you are, it's fucking shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 Just now, Bubbles said: I'm trying to work out if you're attempting to dish out a cunting? If you're not, you should give it a try. If you are, it's fucking shit. Sorry, i forgot I need your permission with regards to what I post. Okay if I stay logged on for a while? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 2 minutes ago, MikeD said: Sorry, i forgot I need your permission with regards to what I post. Okay if I stay logged on for a while? Depends, will the quality of your posts improve? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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