Last Cunt Standing Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/923291/boy-lays-egg-doctors-gowa-indonesia-x-ray-proof Surveying the press this snowbound Saturday, I’m intrigued to learn of this young chap and his astonishing ability to pass an egg rectally from time to time, to the “amazement” of doctors. One can only speculate how he has managed to get an egg up there without cracking it, given that most people have a sphincter like a bulldog clip and would struggle to insert a grape intact. Has he been hammering the amyl nitrate? Got at by an army of Indonesian Jimmy Savile disciples? Some sort of spinal column injury rendering him anally spasticated? Or perhaps he is genuinely the half-man half-bird hybrid he claims to be? Alternatively, he might just be a lying cunt with a coincidentally slack arsehole. I do hope Dynamo includes him in his next freak show. I imagine his gusset has more skid marks than Silverstone. Can anyone solve the mystery? Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 I would defer questions and comments about anal and rectal passings and insertions to Punkape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 10 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said: https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/923291/boy-lays-egg-doctors-gowa-indonesia-x-ray-proof Surveying the press this snowbound Saturday, I’m intrigued to learn of this young chap and his astonishing ability to pass an egg rectally from time to time, to the “amazement” of doctors. One can only speculate how he has managed to get an egg up there without cracking it, given that most people have a sphincter like a bulldog clip and would struggle to insert a grape intact. Has he been hammering the amyl nitrate? Got at by an army of Indonesian Jimmy Savile disciples? Some sort of spinal column injury rendering him anally spasticated? Or perhaps he is genuinely the half-man half-bird hybrid he claims to be? Alternatively, he might just be a lying cunt with a coincidentally slack arsehole. I do hope Dynamo includes him in his next freak show. I imagine his gusset has more skid marks than Silverstone. Can anyone solve the mystery? Fuck off. I bet Wizardsleeve has a couple of Ostrich eggs up his own arse ready for a Canal St “night of gross indecency” with air stewards later this evening.. lol. Get fucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 2 minutes ago, Punkape said: I bet Wizardsleeve has a couple of Ostrich eggs up his own arse ready for a Canal St “night of gross indecency” with air stewards later this evening.. lol. Get fucked. You know the way to Canal Street then, Punkers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted March 3, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 Am I right in thinking Manchester wags removed the initial letter from the Canal Street sign some years back? If Manky was still alive he’d tell us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 5 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said: Am I right in thinking Manchester wags removed the initial letter from the Canal Street sign some years back? If Manky was still alive he’d tell us. Both initial letters, so Spunkape told me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 34 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said: https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/923291/boy-lays-egg-doctors-gowa-indonesia-x-ray-proof Surveying the press this snowbound Saturday, I’m intrigued to learn of this young chap and his astonishing ability to pass an egg rectally from time to time, to the “amazement” of doctors. One can only speculate how he has managed to get an egg up there without cracking it, given that most people have a sphincter like a bulldog clip and would struggle to insert a grape intact. Has he been hammering the amyl nitrate? Got at by an army of Indonesian Jimmy Savile disciples? Some sort of spinal column injury rendering him anally spasticated? Or perhaps he is genuinely the half-man half-bird hybrid he claims to be? Alternatively, he might just be a lying cunt with a coincidentally slack arsehole. I do hope Dynamo includes him in his next freak show. I imagine his gusset has more skid marks than Silverstone. Can anyone solve the mystery? Fuck off. eggtraordinary ability this fellow has if will you forgive my terrible pun. I wonder if he lays white or brown eggs, I would wager they are brown. As to how this is done, I can only surmise partial freezing of the egg and copious amounts of lube to assist the process, however as it has been already touched upon, you would need a subject matter expert in the field of anal dilation and foreign object insertion to investigate and solve this conundrum. Do we have any such Subject matter expert available here ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 5 minutes ago, luke swarm said: eggtraordinary ability this fellow has if will you forgive my terrible pun. I wonder if he lays white or brown eggs, I would wager they are brown. As to how this is done, I can only surmise partial freezing of the egg and copious amounts of lube to assist the process, however as it has been already touched upon, you would need a subject matter expert in the field of anal dilation and foreign object insertion to investigate and solve this conundrum. Do we have any such Subject matter expert available here ? Well, it's not me, I've been trying for the last half an hour since reading the post, what a fucking mess I've made. Blood, shit and broken eggs everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 12 minutes ago, Albert Ross said: Well, it's not me, I've been trying for the last half an hour since reading the post, what a fucking mess I've made. Blood, shit and broken eggs everywhere. well then perhaps you should try it on yourself, your partner has suffered enough for one day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 His turn on me when we've cleaned up the mess and been out and bought some more eggs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 1 minute ago, Albert Ross said: His turn on me when we've cleaned up the mess and been out and bought some more eggs. my apologies, I had assumed it was a she Bert. Live and let live I say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 1 minute ago, luke swarm said: my apologies, I had assumed it was a she Bert. Live and let live I say. No need to apologise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 Eric Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest King Rollo Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 When Wizard was in his "experimental" stage in his youth in the Sixties, he used to shove live leporids up his balloon knot. Apparently it was something of a party piece - "You've all heard of magicians pulling rabbits out of hat? Well watch me pull a hare out of my arse!" I am glad he doesn't do this any more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted March 3, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 1 hour ago, Albert Ross said: Well, it's not me, I've been trying for the last half an hour since reading the post, what a fucking mess I've made. Blood, shit and broken eggs everywhere. Scoop it up and stick it in your McMuffins, Bertie. No cunt will notice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 Too late, we only serve McMuffins until 11am and my stating time today is 8pm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted March 3, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 2 minutes ago, Albert Ross said: Too late, we only serve McMuffins until 11am and my stating time today is 8pm. Jesus Christ. A Saturday night shift in McDonalds. How bloody awful. Have a pity like. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 2 minutes ago, Albert Ross said: Too late, we only serve McMuffins until 11am and my stating time today is 8pm. You'll be the one scraping stuck chewing gum off the undersides of the tables, mopping the spunk and shit off the loo floors, changing the oil in the fryers and loading the discarded fluid into Punky's car boot for him to convert it into fisting butter, then steal from the til, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 2 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: You'll be the one scraping stuck chewing gum off the undersides of the tables, mopping the spunk and shit off the loo floors, changing the oil in the fryers and loading the discarded fluid into Punky's car boot for him to convert it into fisting butter, then steal from the til, right? No, I'm a shift supervisor, I have underlings to do the dirty stuff, I just help myself to 20% of the takings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 4 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said: Jesus Christ. A Saturday night shift in McDonalds. How bloody awful. Have a pity like. Most of my customers are from the local constabulary on a Saturday night, I expect there will be quite a few tonight with us having cold weather forecast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted March 3, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 4 minutes ago, Albert Ross said: Most of my customers are from the local constabulary on a Saturday night, I expect there will be quite a few tonight with us having cold weather forecast. Local plod have been known to congregate in our local Costa on a Sunday morning, ostensibly having a “local intelligence meeting” over six brownies and a skinny latte. Cunts. Crime won’t crack itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 It makes the scallies behave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest King Rollo Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 2 hours ago, luke swarm said: well then perhaps you should try it on yourself, your partner has suffered enough for one day. 2 hours ago, Albert Ross said: His turn on me when we've cleaned up the mess and been out and bought some more eggs. I'm not sure that the dog belonging to the homeless guy on the park bench - who couldn't turn down your offer of a "warm bed for the night" for his beloved pet - really counts as a "partner". I also don't think shoving eggs up a dog's arse to get a mention in the papers as the proud proprietor of a "dicken" (half dog, half chicken) really lets you off the hook! Lastly, without opposible thumbs, the dog is going to have a job returning the favour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 9 minutes ago, King Rollo said: I'm not sure that the dog belonging to the homeless guy on the park bench - who couldn't turn down your offer of a "warm bed for the night" for his beloved pet - really counts as a "partner". I also don't think shoving eggs up a dog's arse to get a mention in the papers as the proud proprietor of a "dicken" (half dog, half chicken) really lets you off the hook! Lastly, without opposible thumbs, the dog is going to have a job returning the favour. ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted March 3, 2018 Report Share Posted March 3, 2018 How many poofs does it take to change a light bulb? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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