Jiggerycock Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 I'm involved in a very minor way, with a great young band in my hometown. Three whippet-thin plank-spankers kick out a beautiful din, a female vocalist, channelling a Janis Joplin / Tina Turner mash-up, (now ‘punch in the guts’ blues rock-chick, now smoky soul diva) and on drums – spoken as a heterosexual bloke – you have a cross between Jesus Christ, and George Clooney’s better-looking younger brother. Collectively? More rhythm than a sexually active Catholic! The look? Striking! They write their own stuff and all they do is done with spirit and integrity and a talent for a hook and a song and a melody that’ll be your earworm for weeks. That's the deal then, but a good 75% of promoters you talk with about them ask if they can 'do covers' (of course they fucking can! Any cloth-eared, numb nuts can pick up a Gibson and crack out 'Smoke On The Water' or even 'Rhinestone Cowboy'! It's the musical equivalent of an NVQ. Fuck right off!!) because they're scared shitless the crowd (all ten of 'em, generally) might not be 'entertained'. Never mind that you come away from their gigs feeling like a cross between Bruce Springsteen and Arnold Schwarzennegger! Never mind nurturing local talent! Never mind that live, they give you adrenaline levels you'd only get in a rape! Never mind the bollocks! Just "can they do 'Mister fucking Brightside'" and play for subsidised drinks. And you wonder why popular music is chock full of bland, ersatz, anodyne zombies - and that Ed Sheeran is hailed as being somehow 'edgy'! What a cuntingly dull world we live in 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 26 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: I'm involved in a very minor way, with a great young band in my hometown. Three whippet-thin plank-spankers kick out a beautiful din, a female vocalist, channelling a Janis Joplin / Tina Turner mash-up, (now ‘punch in the guts’ blues rock-chick, now smoky soul diva) and on drums – spoken as a heterosexual bloke – you have a cross between Jesus Christ, and George Clooney’s better-looking younger brother. Collectively? More rhythm than a sexually active Catholic! The look? Striking! They write their own stuff and all they do is done with spirit and integrity and a talent for a hook and a song and a melody that’ll be your earworm for weeks. That's the deal then, but a good 75% of promoters you talk with about them ask if they can 'do covers' (of course they fucking can! Any cloth-eared, numb nuts can pick up a Gibson and crack out 'Smoke On The Water' or even 'Rhinestone Cowboy'! It's the musical equivalent of an NVQ. Fuck right off!!) because they're scared shitless the crowd (all ten of 'em, generally) might not be 'entertained'. Never mind that you come away from their gigs feeling like a cross between Bruce Springsteen and Arnold Schwarzennegger! Never mind nurturing local talent! Never mind that live, they give you adrenaline levels you'd only get in a rape! Never mind the bollocks! Just "can they do 'Mister fucking Brightside'" and play for subsidised drinks. And you wonder why popular music is chock full of bland, ersatz, anodyne zombies - and that Ed Sheeran is hailed as being somehow 'edgy'! What a cuntingly dull world we live in I'm afraid to say the current craze in the music industry is for fat lounge singers a'la Adele or tinkling little poofters like Sam Smith. Execs want dreary, dirge like shit warbled out over the airwaves so teenage girls and middle aged housewives can appropriate it for themselves and apply the lyrics to their own tedious love affairs. The days of the guitar thrashers are over. Only the Arctic Monkeys have survived, more's the fucking pity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted August 22, 2018 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 2 minutes ago, Decimus said: I'm afraid to say the current craze in the music industry is for fat lounge singers a'la Adele or tinkling little poofters like Sam Smith. Execs want dreary, dirge like shit warbled out over the airwaves so teenage girls and middle aged housewives can appropriate it for themselves and apply the lyrics to their own tedious love affairs. The days of the guitar thrashers are over. Only the Arctic Monkeys have survived, more's the fucking pity. My lot are supporting an Arctic Monkeys tribute band soon - so what a mighty evening that is going to be for yours truly! A fucking tribute band (see my nom passim)....dedicated to the Arctic fatherfucking Monkeys.......supported by a band with talent, ambition, energy and originality. These cunts are going to get their heads ripped off and their necks shat down. I'm already in training for this! It's going to be Nigel Benn vs Gerard McLellan 'cept with more brain damage....and napalm....and guitars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 1 hour ago, Jiggerycock said: I'm involved in a very minor way, with a great young band in my hometown. Are you shagging the singer, or the drummer; or maybe even both? Not that I'm judging you, it's more a safeguarding measure given the use of "minor" and "young" in the same sentence. Back on topic, do they do weddings? I can't think of anything more soul destroying for anyone with genuine talent, but I can get them a gig in Milton Keynes next March if they're truly desperate for cash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 Fuck that shit this is the future - frank and withers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 6 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: I'm involved in a very minor way, with a great young band in my hometown. Three whippet-thin plank-spankers kick out a beautiful din, a female vocalist, channelling a Janis Joplin / Tina Turner mash-up, (now ‘punch in the guts’ blues rock-chick, now smoky soul diva) and on drums – spoken as a heterosexual bloke – you have a cross between Jesus Christ, and George Clooney’s better-looking younger brother. Collectively? More rhythm than a sexually active Catholic! The look? Striking! They write their own stuff and all they do is done with spirit and integrity and a talent for a hook and a song and a melody that’ll be your earworm for weeks. That's the deal then, but a good 75% of promoters you talk with about them ask if they can 'do covers' (of course they fucking can! Any cloth-eared, numb nuts can pick up a Gibson and crack out 'Smoke On The Water' or even 'Rhinestone Cowboy'! It's the musical equivalent of an NVQ. Fuck right off!!) because they're scared shitless the crowd (all ten of 'em, generally) might not be 'entertained'. Never mind that you come away from their gigs feeling like a cross between Bruce Springsteen and Arnold Schwarzennegger! Never mind nurturing local talent! Never mind that live, they give you adrenaline levels you'd only get in a rape! Never mind the bollocks! Just "can they do 'Mister fucking Brightside'" and play for subsidised drinks. And you wonder why popular music is chock full of bland, ersatz, anodyne zombies - and that Ed Sheeran is hailed as being somehow 'edgy'! What a cuntingly dull world we live in You are talking to all the wrong people in all the wrong venues. There are some very good venues where your band could even get a regular residency spot. My brother is involved in the Manchester music scene and it’s thriving. However, the internet download age has killed the artiste earning form records. So live gigging is now actually the money earner. Complete switch around from 20 years ago. Although a good tune and a sell out of your artistic soul for its use on an M&S advert will still pay the mortgage off. Ed Sheeran is a massive ginger cunt and shit by the way, don’t let anybody say otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted August 22, 2018 Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 7 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: I'm involved in a very minor way, with a great young band in my hometown. Three whippet-thin plank-spankers kick out a beautiful din, a female vocalist, channelling a Janis Joplin / Tina Turner mash-up, (now ‘punch in the guts’ blues rock-chick, now smoky soul diva) and on drums – spoken as a heterosexual bloke – you have a cross between Jesus Christ, and George Clooney’s better-looking younger brother. Collectively? More rhythm than a sexually active Catholic! The look? Striking! They write their own stuff and all they do is done with spirit and integrity and a talent for a hook and a song and a melody that’ll be your earworm for weeks. That's the deal then, but a good 75% of promoters you talk with about them ask if they can 'do covers' (of course they fucking can! Any cloth-eared, numb nuts can pick up a Gibson and crack out 'Smoke On The Water' or even 'Rhinestone Cowboy'! It's the musical equivalent of an NVQ. Fuck right off!!) because they're scared shitless the crowd (all ten of 'em, generally) might not be 'entertained'. Never mind that you come away from their gigs feeling like a cross between Bruce Springsteen and Arnold Schwarzennegger! Never mind nurturing local talent! Never mind that live, they give you adrenaline levels you'd only get in a rape! Never mind the bollocks! Just "can they do 'Mister fucking Brightside'" and play for subsidised drinks. And you wonder why popular music is chock full of bland, ersatz, anodyne zombies - and that Ed Sheeran is hailed as being somehow 'edgy'! What a cuntingly dull world we live in Rhythm? Aren't catholics cursed with the 6 pump chump syndrome? How much rhythm could they possibly achieve when they're pulling out of some little'uns arse after 6 thrusts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted August 23, 2018 Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 20 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: I'm involved in a very minor way, with a great young band in my hometown. Three whippet-thin plank-spankers kick out a beautiful din, a female vocalist, channelling a Janis Joplin / Tina Turner mash-up, (now ‘punch in the guts’ blues rock-chick, now smoky soul diva) and on drums – spoken as a heterosexual bloke – you have a cross between Jesus Christ, and George Clooney’s better-looking younger brother. Collectively? More rhythm than a sexually active Catholic! The look? Striking! They write their own stuff and all they do is done with spirit and integrity and a talent for a hook and a song and a melody that’ll be your earworm for weeks. That's the deal then, but a good 75% of promoters you talk with about them ask if they can 'do covers' (of course they fucking can! Any cloth-eared, numb nuts can pick up a Gibson and crack out 'Smoke On The Water' or even 'Rhinestone Cowboy'! It's the musical equivalent of an NVQ. Fuck right off!!) because they're scared shitless the crowd (all ten of 'em, generally) might not be 'entertained'. Never mind that you come away from their gigs feeling like a cross between Bruce Springsteen and Arnold Schwarzennegger! Never mind nurturing local talent! Never mind that live, they give you adrenaline levels you'd only get in a rape! Never mind the bollocks! Just "can they do 'Mister fucking Brightside'" and play for subsidised drinks. And you wonder why popular music is chock full of bland, ersatz, anodyne zombies - and that Ed Sheeran is hailed as being somehow 'edgy'! What a cuntingly dull world we live in I bet you’ve got some kind of Harvey Weinstein dynamic going on with this young singer, don’t you? You get her a gig, she lifts up your pot belly, gives your rancid cock a bit of jiggery and your grapey arse a bit of pokery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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