Goober

Imagine opening a window on your massive flapped advent calender and a Harvey fell out. Would your first thought be, I'll take this back to the shop, or I'll take it into the garden and put it out of its misery?

Wait and see, Billy, wait and see. Scotus will say thanks, but no thanks.

Why do you continue to post in this pidgin English shite? You do know they've invented this wonderful thing called predictive text now? Perhaps the language option on your phone is set to Retard rather than English? We all know you're an IRA loving cunt and we're all very sorry that your language is called English, but you really should try and get over it. You're even more boring than Harold. I wish that kilo of Semtex cunningly concealed in your shitty y-fronts would accidently detonate. Stupid, potato eating, Brexit obsessed cunt.

Must be fucking big windows (or are they doors) on your calendar, Ed.

It's highly likely that SCOTUS will decline to hear the case, not least because its based on junk statistics and repeatedly rejected claims of fraud. Come Monday, when states select their electors, it's all over.

Danish Blue Waffle?

The one hanging is Kevin. Died of natural causes (choked to death on a fruit gum). Batfink is on the table. His wings were like a shield of cheap toilet paper against the yellow peril. Karate is the salesman. I bet it just tastes like chicken anyway.

I've Googled a couple of lines from Shitpant's claimed Hull Magnum Opus and all that's returned is the Cunts Corner 2016 thread. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Unless you're having an argument with your own sock puppet, he's a bullshitting wanker. OTBC.

@PANZER MURPHY can you up your posting rate please? With any luck Frank will spiral into terminal depression and kill himself.

Nurse, this woman needs emergency treatment, bring me the Rohypnol and Viagra.

He's a useless fucking cunt.

That's going to be trouble in a few months. https://ibb.co/ZVCrhrG

Fucking hell. How could I forget cheesy peas!

That, unfortunately, is where you'll fail. There are no friends here, but there are definitely enemies. That these guys have survived, if not thrived (see like count, if one sets store in these things), is the proof. I can say from experience that they're not unreasonable, but if you want to continually poke them with a shitty stick prepare to ride the never ending turd tsunami. You can't win, but you can lose. You'll tread your own path though. Henceforth, if you're being a dick, I'll wade in with the masses and try to drive over the edge into the massive holes you dug for yourself, if not, I'll play along. It's not a warning, it's just the way it works here. Here endeth the gospel according to Goober. By the way, I took a massive runny shit earlier and used about half a bog roll. I think the shit pipe to my sewage treatment plant might be blocked now. Would your super power water blaster be overkill for a 40m shallow pipe run? Would it need a camera inspection first? Advice welcomed.

To be honest, without trying to make a point, the shit bits in The Fast Show, with some exceptions, were largely those bits where women were trying to be funny. Women, know your place! With such a broad range it couldn't hit the sweet spot all the time, but repeated quotes of classic lines don't lie. Derek and Clive, Monty Python and The Fast Show. Hard to beat.

Oh and by the by, this private school, was it one where bumming was encouraged, like Punkape's, or was it a case of a slap on the wrist and try not to do it again if caught?

Doesn't seem entitely unreasonable. However... Every state school kid had a classmate that was a complete spacker/degenerate/psychopath. I know I did, his surname was Cullen, can't remember his first name. Every other word was a swear word, typical borstal type. Why the evasiveness? Evading the question just makes you look like a bullshitting wanker. If you throw something out unbidden and then avoid the Spanish Inquisition doubt is inevitable. What you must understand is that every cunt that turns up here seems to be rich, went to a public school, has servants, drives a Range Rover, gallavants across Europe etc. etc. etc. Such claims are common and easy, but will get you torn to shreds unless you can provide proof. Who wants to provide proof though? It just invites cunts into your private space. It's a fools errand. So, even if true, better just to shut the fuck up. Conversely, projecting that everyone else is a penniless, uneducated pleb is going to get you equally butt fucked because there's no proof and, if someone can survive here, regardless of the cost their education it very clearly demonstrates that they're not a fucking idiot. So, whatever the truth, a little fucking respect and not being a fucking prick wouldn't hurt your standing.

The Fast Show may have been the zenith of comedy on the BBC before the PC can't offend anyone bollocks took over. Simon and Lindsey on shrooms, Stubby, I mean Dave Angel Eco Warrior, Swiss Tony (cunting is like making love to a beautiful woman), competitive dad, Black, Black, Scorchio! The list of quality just goes on and on and on. I'm off to repair the fence in the lower field.

Oooo Oooo! Sorry, I've just cum.

I don't know about you, but I've never had to buy any item of clothing above a L, regardless of the vagaries of marketing execs trying to make fatties think they're slim. Regardless of the spin, a 3 x XL is a fat cunt in anyone's book. Any tailor that cops a feel of a decent pair should be locked up. Suits you Sir!

Friction generates heat. Just sayin'.

I don't mean to split hairs, but you threw this claim out unbidden, so it's not entirely unreasonable for it to be queried. If you hadn't mentioned it, I'm sure no one would be pressing you on it now. So, respectfully, if you wouldn't mind, which private or public school did you go to? If it helps to make you less defensive, I can say, quite happily, that I went to a bog average state comprehensive, but was lucky enough to be able to get a very good university education after that.

If it's a blockage, wouldn't it be a poo and bog roll pusher? Given that he's been sniffing around Punkape tonight you might be on to something.

Licking dried black man jizz off an AIDS ridden poof's bloody arse sphincter. What a truly horribly thought.

The H&M size guide indicates they sell shirts up to 2XL, meaning you must be a minimum of 3XL. Morbidly obese cunt.