scotty

Ah, but you're missing a trick here scrotes. If we can work out what actually killed the dinosaurs, we could protect ourselves against it and humanity would survive.... Forget that, I've just spotted the flaw in the argument.

On our wedding night, me and my new Thai bride were getting into the foreplay. I started sucking her off and suddenly thought "hang on a fucking minute..."

Boxes, eh? I ordered a sex toy off the internet, a latex replica of my wifes vagina. The postman walked up the path carrying a huge box with the flaps all torn and blowing in the breeze. I thought "they could at least have fucking wrapped it."

Isn't he the one who keeps falling over?

Which method did you attempt?

Yes. We're now in another parallel universe, the corner is still in the new one, and my mrs is still a pain in the fucking arse. Hardly worth the bother, was it.

That sums up my entire life.

The unions definitely had it coming. I'm as far from being a thatcherite as it's possible to get, I hated her with a vengeance and still do, but the bottom line is that the unions had to be sorted. Someone had to do it, she just happened to be the one who grasped the nettle.

Into feet, neil?

I've probably given this advice before, but the only coffee I ever drink is a carajillo. That's the heartstarter of choice for the spaniards, great stuff.

...but there's always just a chance that... I hope her lawyers aren't reading this.

Going by most of the porn I've seen it's hardly a niche activity nowadays dapps. My mrs isn't keen on it though, at least not with me.

Disgusting behaviour. Seven am and drinking diet coke?? I'm on the scotch by then.

I thought manchesters answer to harrods was the local recycling centre.

No, the bloke who invented dog biscuits died last week. He was a good boy, yes he was.

Punkers is a good lad dapps, just a little misguided. Whether it's waitrose or the local farmers market, a glory hole's still a glory hole.

You don't see many gerbils around these days either. Richard gere has a lot to answer for.

I should hope not. A delicate flower like you shouldn't be driven to orgasm by such sordidness.

"It's a bit embarrassing doctor," I said, "but I've been married for 20 years now, and she's not as tight as she used to be. Can you suggest anything?" "Well, it's a taboo subject, and obviously you'd need to speak it over with her first," he replied. "But have you considered using the other hole?" "What??" I said, aghast. "And end up with a houseful of kids?"

I seem to recall julia carling taking a right good pop at him in the press, along the lines of the diana/bashir interview. I don't recall him even trying to defend himself, presumably because he'd been caught red handed with his jeans round his ankles and spunk on his trainers. The lucky cunt.

"Have you seen my wallet?" I called to my wife. "I can't find it anywhere." "When did you last have it?" she replied. "Two years ago on my birthday," I snapped. "What the fucks that got to do with it?"

I've always been baffled by the will carling affair. I mean, diana was a bit of alright and I suppose there would always be the allure of the forbidden fruit of royalty, but fucking hell, do you remember his wife? She made diana look like a piece of old rope.

You're wrong there mike. Dodi was a smash hit with them.

There's a few on this site who are probably already there.

Not my own work scrotes, unfortunately. Most of mine would probably get deleted on sight by our sensitive admin team.