scotty

Point of order mr chairman, they don't usually serve tapas in portugal. Plus they fucking hate spain, never try speaking spanish to a portuguese, they'll understand it but refuse to converse with you in it. It's like us and the krauts but with a whole new level of hatred.

I hadn't heard this story, but can only concur with the above. What an absolute fucking cunt. Killing a child is unforgivable, using religion as an excuse makes it worse, not better.

Don't try fucking around with baws, bubbles. Remember what happened to helen.

You heartless cunt.

I'd give you a like for that baws, but your asbergers would hate the destruction of your 2000 likes symmetry.

Mankys usually so fucking pissed on northern pisswater that he needs stabilisers.

I've named my dog "Fetch". It's a brilliant laugh down the park.

I'm not surprised, that's one fuck of a bike ride from manchester.

I particularly like the "almost".

Too late deccs, it's been quoted now. The judge will be on you like a rabid rottweiler.

I'll tolerate most things deccs, but not anti-semitism. Withdraw that "foreskin" immediately.

....with a cameo by wayne rooney knobbing a seventy year old.

When I bought my blind girlfriend the braille edition of 50 Shades of Grey, she suddenly learned to read left handed.

Not an audiobook, it was a dramatised version and very good indeed. The book's better though.

A pot noodle? You flash cunt, mine just gets a vesta curry. Well, half of one.

She was fucking gorgeous, I'm with you on that one. However, when it comes to black and white films I'd add mary astor and ingrid bergmann to my wish list.

Dorothy Parker reference, baws?

Smiley was a brilliant character baws, although I was never a great fan of the novels. However, as I mentioned to jacko the other day, there is a compilation of short stories by le carré called The Secret Pilgrim. Fantastic reading, for some reason it reads far better in shortened mode than in full novel length. It's also available on the iplayer with patrick malahide as narrator, that was very good as well.

Out of interest mate, did you translate it into french?

No, he's lost his sense of tumour.

Forget who?

While I agree with the general direction of this nom, I do actually need a new laptop. How much are these thieved ones selling for, and would I catch cancer off them?

"Hello little girl," I said. "Would you like a puppy?" "No thank you," she replied. "I've already eaten." It's not easy being a paedophile in Korea. There you go, paedophilia and casual racism in one handy package.

I don't know luke, monsieur le punk provides a certain amount of light entertainment. Credit where it's due.

Steve fucking martin in the Pink Fucking Panther. Cunt. Give me a few hours, the bile is gradually seeping out of my system. This is quite therapeutic.