Cuntybaws

What, like Niki Lauda?

It reminds me of something, but I can't quite place it...

I'd pay good money to see his subsequent match against Michael Watson at the next Paralympics. The winner to face Stephen Hawking in the final.

Has Claire slimmed down again since they split? If not, and if they're still doing the same old dance routines, they might need to issue a Tsunami warning for the Norfolk gig.

What's got ten legs and five cunts? The stage at a Steps concert.

I absolutely agree with you, and as you got in first I'll leave it up to you to tell Conor that the next time you see him. (That's Conor with one "n", the Irish cunt.)

You fucking philistine. You can't beat a bit of Sibelius or Smetana, although all that plainsong, Gregorian, religious stuff is a pile of wank, granted. As I type I am listening to "O Fortuna" from the Carmina Burana, and imagining sadistic imps sticking red hot needles through your obviously superfluous eardrums. I presume it goes without saying that Nigel Kennedy is a cunt?

In Bubba's absence it falls to me to ask. Mike, middle name "D"?

Fuck the Pope and Fuck the Queen.

Rick's mind seems to be elsewhere tonight, but I appreciated your tenuous donation / sperm bank link.

"That money was just resting in my account!"

He did burn a lot of bridges on his way out, an awful lot, and a few more getting there, The cunt even had the temerity to put me in a fucking Jib Jab which I'd present in evidence if some Admin from days gone by hadn't gone and deleted them all. Sauce for the goose... PS Jazz, you don't still have the link do you, for old time's sake?

Saucer of milk for table two.

I've been dropping increasingly unsubtle hints for a while now to ISIS that it would be quite the idea to fly couple of crop dusters laden with napalm and Semtex (for irony) over the stadium in Glasgow during an Old Firm match. After venting the napalm they could kamikaze the planes into the packed terraces behind each goal, while Tunisians armed with sub-machine guns stationed outside strafe anyone trying to escape. It would certainly beat the fuck out of their last plan of jamming a Jeep in the airport security doors. Tomorrow just might be the day, fingers crossed.

For perhaps the first time this year, you're not wrong there Pen! It takes a special kind of cunt to stand out on a station that plays "The Pearl Fishers" duet a dozen times a day, interspersed with music from Lord Of The Rings and adverts for PPI claims, but this Chelsea supporting cocksucker manages it with ease. "The Maestro says it's Mozart but it sounds like bubble gum..."

Jack and Jill yourself.

Cash My Goldstein.

I've heard he prefers vitamin S.

Narwhals give me the horn, but perhaps you're more of a beluga man.

Fucking narwhal toucher.

Use apostrophes in the possessive its, that drives him crazy. No, wait, that's me...

Briefly on topic, I have now seen this advert and frankly I am appalled that we continue to suffer so-called "Marketing Professionals" to live. They should all be hung from the nearest lamp post, just as soon as the lawyers have been cut down and set on fire. If by some happy chance I ever meet the cunts responsible for the latest series of Andrex adverts I will visit such horrors upon them that they will beg me for death.

Not as bad as hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia.

I was going to let you have Polo, but it's the Eton Wall Game for you now. Prepare your soggy biscuit, Biggles.