Cuntybaws

I know everything.

Now you're just being obtuse.

Virtual safety car; two-stop strategy; soft compound tyres; drive-through penalties; a team called "Force India"? No wonder Niki Lauda set himself on fire. Ayrton Senna must literally be turning in his grave. I would cheerfully kick Bernie Ecclestone in the face until my toes were worn down to bleeding stumps. Only then would I set him on fire.

And you all thought bankers were cunts. You're on Grindr though, I take it?

In 'artford, 'ereford and 'ampshire, 'urricanes 'ardly hever 'appen.

Oh, you guys! Lucky I know you're only kidding. As it happens, I've nominated both Glasgow and police helicopters, and I was really fucking upset when my bin lorry joke was deleted within minutes of being posted.

The Daily Telegraph "Births" column is a regular mine of comedy gold. Highlights have included: Caspin Jack Indigo de Montfort Scott-Brown Zebedee Ebeneezer Jay, a brother for Badger, Clementine & Florence Elektra Esmerelda, a sister for Dorothy Wolfstan & Cleopatra Wylder Axel Aurelius. Punkape Fantasy Fuckwit

Leaving aside the inherently ludicrous nature of this actual contention, are you one of those cunts who says "an hotel"? Is it a Welsh thing?

Some Scouse cunt annoyed me the other day. Wiping out their entire fucking city seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Sarah Brightman is a cunt.

Indeed he is, although I'm fucked if I know how they can tell the difference.

I'll bet that's not the first time you've had some unexpected nocturnal Staines! It would have been worth the extra 5 minutes to get to Chertsey just to avoid that sort of lame pun. Anyway, only yourself to blame. How many times do I have to tell you, if you want to use my corporate jet just fucking ask.

She was only the greengrocer's daughter, but she taught Sir Geoffrey Howe! Off to Hell you pop now, Geoffrey. Ted Heath will be putting together quite the Cabinet down there now...

The NRA also like to assert that this right is enshrined in the Constitution and is therefore sacrosanct and inviolable. Er, what part of "Amendment" don't these cunts understand? Just amend it back again.

Well fuck you, subtlety. Fuck you right up the arse!

Mrs Baws has an exotic lop-eared rabbit. (Insert your own "moist burrow" jokes here.)

Ebola is OK though, right? And good AIDS?

A bit like Keith's cock, then?

Yes, he's going to fit right in here!

GIRFUY

You don't want to pitch things too high on here, though. Multilingual puns, for example, tend to evoke the "whoooosh" factor. Lowest common denominators are cunts.

Given that everyone else is minus infinity to you, and you're minus infinity to me (for hopefully obvious reasons) that's really going to fuck with your mathematicians' heads. The very fabric of the universe itself may be at risk.

When hell is full the dead shall walk the earth.

I went to the Isle of Dogs once - it was full of yuppie cunts wearing polka dot braces and red glasses. It reminded me a bit of The Boys From Brazil, except that the mad Nazis had cloned an army of Mr Tumbles instead.