camberwell gypsy

So how long have you been working for the English Tourist Board?

So it is.

Kcuf ffo ouy tnuc

Why are you showing a picture of Rick?

1902

Yes. Don't want them ruining my business

Bought a new car at the weekend which I'm very happy about. I was all eager to jump in and fuck off when the greasy shyster of a salesman began to try and sell me Insurance, extended warranty and a body care treatment. After I told him god knows how many times my insurance was cheaper than what he was offering and the extended warranty was shite he then opened up with the shpiel about the all singing all dancing body work polish. The cunt even started a short video presentation on the desk top. I said "don't waste both our time because I'm not interested". This didn't deter him as he kept stopping the video to reiterate what was being said. He told me he got this crap on his car and then showed me a pic of it on his mobile. Another 5 times I told him I wasn't interested but then he got to the climax of his presentation. He reeled off 3 other firms and what they charged; £500, £450 and £390. " We charge (pause) just £320"! At this point I told him that I was now getting the hump and pointed out I could get this stuff for £30 online and why the fuck would I pay 10 times the amount for the same thing? But the oily cunt wasn't finished. He claimed that the treatment online wasn't the real McCoy, despite the fact that it was made by reputable companies. After 25 minutes he gave up. And then the fucker said "don't forget to rate me on our website. Everyone gives me a 10 out of 10". Needless to say the slimey bastard got a big 0 from me.

Yeah I remember that. Nearly ruined a decent pair of sandals, shinning up your drainpipe.

I agree. I've never had any problems with claiming either.

There's one bloke who lives locally who has a constant grin stretched across his boat race. Every fucking time I see him, he's grinning like a fucking retard. It looks like a skull with a thin layer of skin stretched over it, with a little beard. This doesn't just stop with him. His wife and kids also have huge grins as well. Its like someone has widened their mouths with a scalpel. Cunts.

Neil has an extensive collection of Fuck Films.

Everytime you go out, have earphones in. That way you can make out your listening to music. Learn the words to the 'Horst Wessel Song' and sing it out loud. That way he'll think you're a raving Nazi and leave you well alone. Unless he's a raving nazi. Then you're fucked.

The woman asks "Why does lady Di have such a large halo"? And God says "That's not a halo! That's a steering wheel"!

Isht a myshtery oh isht a myshtery

Fucking hope not. That's the next village

It could be his Passionate Friend coming over with a Reward. But that's Just a story. See what I did there?

You're fucked now Roadkill. Tomorrow you'll have his Hattie Jacques of a wife knocking on your door with a plate of cup cakes.

Just watched The Hangover for the first time on ITV2, and as the end credits start, all the photos taken of the debauchery that went on in Vegas are shown. "Watch the photos during the end credits, they're a fucking scream" said my friend earlier today. So the end credits start to roll and what happens? A load of sweets hit the screen blocking the photos and then the screen shrinks into the corner while the rest is taken up by an advert for some shit called Love Island. The music is drowned out by the loud cunt wanking on about the cunts appearing on this piece of chavvy shit. This isn't the only time it happened. It now happens literally after every film and programme. It's fucking annoying. So fucking annoying it makes my shit hang sideways. And that is fucking annoying

Any relation to Gerry Marsden the cunt who never walks alone?

I always say "train station" because it's quicker to say than "railway station". It leaves me with more time to do other things.

So where does Northwich Victoria live?

Was Northwich Victoria the local prozzie?

That top sentence of that billboard is what got O.J off wasn't it?

How can you be 25% of a religion?

Don't they have carpets in Crewe?