Rev

Not eating crusts off "pieces" (real men call sandwiches/ butties "pieces" in Scotland) is a peculiarly homosexual trait. A bit like kicking a ball into a net bag with twenty one other fucking poofs. Cunts.

I think the one in the middle is female. I'm off to view some albino porn. I'm looking for albino/ dwarf/ auto-asphyxiation obsessed outdoor lesbians. Perhaps a bit niche, but there's got to be some of the fuckers out there. I think I'll be better equipped to make a properly reasoned judgement on the freaky motherfuckers after viewing it, although I'll happily go out on a limb now and characterise the Milky Bar bastards as cunts.

We've all been there, Neil, so don't single yourself out. It was my sister's French Directoire Split-Crotch knickers, nipple clamps and stockings that did it for me; all the more so if I could knock one out and asphyxiate a kitten simultaneously.

It's perfectly true, Monumental. We do have bearded women up here, especially on the East coast, from Edinbugger, right up to Scumdee (Scotland's internationally renowned City of Bastards). I'd prefer it if the women plucked their chin and top lip and kept their 1970s stylee hirsuteness downstairs, but north of Perth, the cunts start looking like Captain Fucking Caveman. In fact, most of the women up there have twelve fingers, missing teeth...and cocks. It'd be a very brave cunt indeed who accepted a 75p hand-job off one of those hairy-palmed Cro-Magnon cunts on the uninviting and windswept streets around Leith Docks.

Is that picture a "twenty five years after" photo-shoot of Bros and one quarter of ABBA? These cross-eyed, inbred Village of the Damned cunts look like they all have the attention span of a fucking Zika baby.

Shower of fucking peroxide poofs. Edgar Winter is a cunt.

I think it's the McPoofter clan fae Kirkudbright.

To be fair, I wouldn't be cognisant of her accent, only her feral howls of pleasure. Blonde, but we all have to make sacrifices now and then.

Yeah. Me too. But I'll be fucked if this prissy little shit-house cunt doesn't get kettled in jail for his troubles. Didn't he claim he had some kind of disorder that makes him rape women when they're unconscious or something. He'll fully understand the consequences when he's got Jamal's full length up his arse, while Bubba's throttling the last vestiges of oxygen from his scrawny bastard airways.

We've practically got black tar heroin on prescription up here, courtesy of that androgynous, chromosome-deficient, cunt-bearded fucking swamp-donkey lesbian Nicola "Fucking Commie Bastard" Sturgeon and her merry band of politically illiterate shite-hawks.

He's a bonny lad, isn't he? His three months inside will be filled with choking on all manner of cock and seeking soothing ointment for his gaping arse. He looks the kind of cunt who spent his youth torturing animals and wearing his sister's soiled underwear.

I wonder what's going through this fucking thick cunt's head this week.

She's in her mid thirties. I'd have preferred her a bit older myself, but I'm not completely against going back to knocking one over the very fragrant Esther McVey.

Yes. It's fucking disgusting. There's no point in making something spicy if it has no fucking taste to back it up. Consuming Wasabi is akin to rubbing your tongue with a cheese-grater, then scrubbing it with powdered light bulbs. It is the food of cunts.

Yes. Yes, I do. However, my Herculean physique barely conceals my more than adequate cock. Jealousy is a terrible thing. Back under the bridge with you. Cunt.

It was a chut club, packed to the fucking rafters with bastard lilac rangers, tent-pegging each other up the shitter. I'm not sure it's archaic, but it's a pretty unambiguous display of bassoon-playing and outright fucking poofery.

If we issued every sausager with an AR-15, perhaps they'd embark on a cull of their goat-blowing arse-bishop brethren for us. It'd certainly stop a few of them fucking each other's arses.

At the next junction, pull over into the outside lane, set fire to your shitty car and fuck off.

No doubt there will be a Bender March promoting "Guns For Sausagers", or "Firearms For Chuts" next. It's about time these fucking botters took up a more constructive hobby than putting their cocks up other blokes' arses. The dirty fucking arse-fisting cunts.

I make you about right, Ollers. The helmet-haired, Punch and Judy-looking cunt is all for "inclusion", to appease the fucking cattle lick-spittles who unquestioningly follow her. Apparently, we have not to class sex offenders, such as rapists, or paedophiles as "criminals" in Scotland any more. We have now to class them as "customers" and "service users", in case the fucking bastard cunts take umbrage and feel humiliated.

It's a licence for all manner of frottaging and fucking Tom-poofery. The women should certainly be naked, dependent on their aesthetics, but I don't want to have some fat homosexualist bastard's cock winking at me as I'm tucking into my fucking risotto. It's just not fucking cricket. Cunts.

It's fucking criminal, Mr B. Fucking criminal.

Jesus Fucking Christ. It's getting a bit heated in here. As a tolerant Alpha Male, I'll let you cheeky little scamps continue fingering each other while I flirt with the ladies of the site.

What kind of fucking gaylord impoverished spastic cunt buys second-hand fruit from fucking Tesco? Unless it was a succession of papayas that Lucy Verasamy had machine-gunned out of her cunt, I wouldn't set foot in this fucking pleb empire. All comestibles at Coitus Towers are bought/pocketed in Waitrose. A real gentleman doesn't mix with the kind of filthy unwashed, roll-up smoking lower class bastards who spend their giro in Tesco. Cunts.

Ooooo...'ello, Honky Tonks.