Decimus

I don't know what's wrong with me, Drew. Maybe I've turned into a big fucking poof, but I find myself not seeing the humour in a pregnant woman being flogged then hanged after giving birth

I'm afraid that I don't find this humorous, Eavens It makes me feel absolutely sick to the pit of my stomach that I belong to the same species as someone who could pronounce this sentence upon another human being. Fucking disgusting.

Imagine the state of her fanny.

I can't take umbrage with this. I don't care who the fuck kicked the absolute living shit out of the cunt, as soon as he put on that uniform he became fair game as far as I'm concerned. In the rankings of human detritus, traffic wardens are second only to nonces and those despicable fucking cunts from Environmental services who lurk around near ashtrays waiting to fine some cunt who drops his dog end.

I wish I was one of these wankers, it would have saved me 32 years of having to watch Norwich do absolutely fuck all.

Absolute bollocks, Norfolk is without a doubt the premier county in England. The wild and bleak beauty of the fens and marshes, the majesty of the broads, and miles of unspoilt coastline and gorgeous beaches. Brecklands and Thetford forest, quaint market towns and a largely homegenous local population not spoilt by weekend tossers up from London to spend time at their second homes in villages that have been priced out of the budget of ordinary locals. Plus the county town of Norwich shits all over the dirty hell hole that is Gloucester. Gloucestershire is a suburb of Kensington and Chelsea, and has lost any identity it once claimed to have.

Can you remember the end scene to The Last of The Mohicans? I always pictured you as wise old Chingachgook, Bill as Uncas and myself as the half-breed Hawkeye. Axing our way through politically correct foes whilst accompanied by an original Clannad soundtrack, all for Stickers to be decapitated by an enraged Roops and you avenging his honour in the final moments whilst giving an emotional penultimate speech.

I'm stealing this.

Talking of Tom and Jerry, after the recent antics of Serena Williams and that doodling Aussie cunt, I've had Mammy Two Shoes running around in my head for the past week.

Let's review the evidence submitted by our esteemed idiot during Cotswoldgate. Firstly, we had a dubious wage slip that looked as if it was hastily created by a child with severe learning difficulties using Microsoft Excel for the first time. Secondly, a photo was taken of an interior wall purporting to show some sort of rare geological stone native to the Cotswolds, but even to the casual observer it was immediately obvious that these were breeze blocks. And finally, who can forget the furtive photo of him peeking out of a tiny PVC clad window and taking a picture of a ten year old Audi that may or may not have been his. I don't know about you, but I find it hard to argue with such compelling evidence, that he is in fact, a complete an utter fucking wanker.

I've actually reported a few of these cunts via Norfolk constabulary's website. Norwich has taken a zero tolerance approach in recent months, with banning orders being dished out to keep persistent offenders out of the city centre. Hopefully, a cold winter without a convenient shop doorway to desecrate will result in a number of them freezing to death. If I had my way, anyone caught begging in the street would be rounded up and put into a modern day work house. Before processing, they would have their teeth kicked down their throat, and the spare change that they so dearly love would be shoved up their fucking arse. After a period of one year had elapsed, anyone without the gumption to have found themselves gainful employment would be beaten to death by Big Issue wielding fellow inmates. I fucking hate the homeless.

They say that you can escape the evil clutches of certain fairytale creatures by spilling salt, at which point said creature has to stop their pursuit of you and individually count the grains. I imagine that when you get home after a hard days toil at your top secret volcano hideout, with an angry hardon and a scowl on your face, Mrs. Baws has a similar way of dealing with you. Before you can say hoots mon, she's shoved a bowl of alphabetti spaghetti into your hands, knowing you won't rest until you've flung it at the wall and constructed 18 twelve letter words from the random splatter.

Judge, friend, can you pretty please stop with all this snowflake business? I've told you more than once that people are finding it incredibly difficult to take you seriously when you're continuously firing out buzz words that should only ever be uttered by fat American incels. Now I know you're fat, and you're certainly a virgin, but don't tarnish your already tattered reputation by adding American connotations to it.

You've been exposed countless times by Roops and made to look a complete fool and liar. However, this ridiculous statement is the final nail in the coffin of your attempt to persuade the membership that you are an experienced and successful property developer. Even by your standards, this shit is absolute fucking gold that will be stashed in the Mono wank bank and used against you the next time you log on full of hubris after winning a game of Monopoly. You thick fucking cunt.

You sexy fucking cunt, if we didn't already have our own kids, I'd want to have your babies. Brannigan's beef and mustard are the premier crisp of choice for the discerning gourmet. I had no idea that anyone else actually remembered them apart from me, so I'm excited. Spread 'em.

Roops's sexual organs.

I imagine that the life sized one inch "Stubby Five Speed Bullet Dildo" is a hot topic of conversation on every prisons baby rapist wing. Keep your maggot to yourself and out of industrial plastic moulds, you dirty enabling cunt.

As we all know, the new Patrician class of the UK in terms of being able to do whatever the fuck they want like the Roman senators of old, are the freaks who squeeze their dicks between their hairy legs and take sit-down pisses. Subsequently, we now have any cunt capable of tucking their cock into their waistband able to defer going to a male prison after being convicted of a crime, being instead allowed to request incarceration in a female prison. Enter despicable fucking pervert "Karen" White, who despite being a convicted sex offender, was imprisoned in HMP New Hall, a women's prison. By protecting his so called human rights, the authorities completely disregarded the welfare of other inmates, and surprise surprise, within a few months, the dirty cunt sexually assaulted four women. By letting these deviants masquerade as women with entitlement to enter female-only spaces, we are putting millions of members of the opposite sex at risk. Yet another example of how a tiny despicable minority are pandered to for the sake of political correctness, whilst the safety and rights of the majority are completely disregarded.

It wouldn't be hard. Just look out for a Barratts home in a Gloucester sink estate with gold painted cardboard cladding. If still in doubt, the female Chinese delivery driver bashing on the window and screaming at you to call the police will confirm it.

Hasn't he also been vilified for supposedly "whitewashing" Williams's opponent? Jesus fucking wept, I actually detest the world that we currently live in. You can demand a female Doctor Who, a black James Bond, more "ethnic diversity" in period dramas even when the period in question was overwhelmingly white, and no one cries "blackwash" or bemoans a lack of authenticity. Give an Asian a blonde ponytail though, and you may as well have just taken a shit on a war memorial judging by the faux outrage. I hope that this trend of being perpetually offended dies a death soon, because at this rate you won't be able to be white, male and heterosexual without consenting to full sterilisation lest you accidentally look a she-black in the eyes.

That's a far more flattering image than the one I've got in my head of "her".

Fucking hell, a thread dominated by Snatch, Ding and Nobgobbler. Who the fuck was it that said recently that The Corner was better in the old days? Shit.

Despite the fact that this mole eyed cunt resembles Michael McIntyre straining to take a shit whilst wearing a Boris Johnson fancy dress outfit, ToksPig is neither humorous or entertaining. So it comes as no surprise that she has revealed that female comedy panelists, including herself, have had their contributions heavily edited out of shows such as QI and Eight Out of Ten Cats. Of course, she believes that the reason behind this is endemic sexism within the entertainment industry, when any cunt not regularly strangle wanking themselves with a copy of The Guardian knows that it's because female comedians are absolute fucking shit. Perhaps if they expanded upon their comedic repertoires and stopped banging on about jam rags and their foetus tattered minges, they might get a bit of airtime. Until then, I suggest that if any of ToksPig's more attractive colleagues want additional airtime, they should stop moaning and get their fucking tits out.

Yes. It's called a ponytail.