Decimus

I'll be coming back to the ancestral sod soon, PanzyO'Knacker. Fancy getting together to sing the ballad of Kevin Barry and shoot the shit about Brexit? To be sure.

I imagine that you have all the sartorial subtlety of Elton John. If it's not outrageously flamboyant, pink and doesn't have a wild-west style arse-flap, you're not interested.

I have absolutely no doubt that they love flicking a "male". I'll assume that you're on your iPhone again, hence the typo. Lol.

Indeed. I've only ever come across this phrase whilst reading the Inspector Rebus novels. So either Judge is a sweaty, or he's capable of reading things more substantial than the front page of The Daily Express. He's definitely a kilt-lifting bender.

The biggest question here is that if you despise the thought of having your ringpiece torn in two, what the hell are you doing spending your weekend evenings hanging around well known homosexual hotspots?

Thank fuck we've all been blessed with your razor sharp intellect and deduction skills! For a moment there, I thought I was being too subtle. Idiot.

If his aunty had Baws, he'd be your bastard. And I don't believe that you'd ever produce a child that, let's be frank, displays all the hallmarks of autism apart from the savant ability to rival the combined knowledge of the Encyclopedia Brittanica and Mrs Roops' Google cookie cache.

You're talking to the largest collector of animal pornography in the country. If you want strange, you've come to the right place, you disgusting little maggot.

Despite spending your formative years creeping in and out of Mark Durden-Smith's bedroom on your tippy-toes, you obviously never swapped family photos and anecdotes. Whore.

He was christened the much more apt 'Cuntface', but the priest was hard of hearing, due to his ears being full of adolescent semen.

Is there any chance that you can delete all the above shit and project at least an illusion of sanity? Unless you've been absolutely fucking smashed for the past month, there really is no excuse for your recent bollocks, you deranged cunt.

How many inches did you have up her/his arse before you realised?

No matter, we'll always have Chinese Steelgate, Eric.

Haha fucking hell, I thought I was the only one who had noticed this! She tries to portray herself as some sort of doddering old cunt who doesn't know anything about events post 1935 unless they involve the activities of the Women's Institute. The crafty hag is as bright as a button though, and what's more, she is undoubtedly fucking the fat bald cunt with glasses.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Halcyon days indeed.

Firstly, congratulations on being funny for the first time since March 2017. Secondly, I want this fucking Hobgoblin dead. As if Norfolk doesn't have enough of an image problem, what with everyone assuming that the local inhabitants are all malformed, drooling fucking monsters, now we also have to contend with this baby-armed Canuck being heralded as a "Norfolk comedian". Disgusting pig.

This has got everything I like. Virulent misogyny, an intense dislike of the disabled, and a few digs at the obese. I love it.

The only photograph I'm interested in seeing him take is a suicide-selfie with a shotgun barrel in his little fucking faggot gob

It's more likely that he uses them in his role as a creepy little Peeping Tom. Imagine the sheer terror of looking up whilst taking your morning shit and seeing Punkape's face pressed against the window, tongue lolling like a big fucking dog and eyeballs completely rolled back inside his head.

He was on his way to Frank's restaurant when it happened. He subsequently bumped into Steve Bannon and they both cleared the gays and dykes out within ten minutes and set up a pop up eels and whelks store that only serves White British.

Funnily enough, I didn't stop to question the slags about their pedigree or whether they have a family crest. Just so I can be clear in future, do you have a fool proof way of determining someone's class by eye? Idiot.

The only member of the Mustelidae family that you've ever shown any interest in is the chuntney ferret. Lol

The speculum wedged "Open" of your civil partner no doubt. Stick your fucking head in it. Lol

I can't wait. Hopefully the liberal, namby pamby wets of the current political class will finally be replaced with reactionary, draconian strong men. Freed from the shackles of EU regulated human rights legislation, they can once again ban homosexuality and punish any act of faggotry with an immediate death sentence. You are going to have to deal with that. Poof. Lol.

Remaining in the EU would have allowed us to continue with fluid free movement, a privilege that was even extended to those citizens with unsavoury criminal convictions in their past. That being said, are you gutted that you'll never again dance half-naked on all fours to Kraftwerk at Berlin's premier homosexual sadomasochism club?