nocti

10 hours ago, Eddie said:

Hand on heart, as long as they’re not Welsh she can go all Angelina Jolie...

When are her and Madonna going to have their giant game of chess, anyway?

23 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Fuck me they've kept that quiet. The U.K. leaving the U.K. Where did we go and when did this happen?

With the trajectory that last year set us at, I wouldn't fucking rule it out.

2 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

This is a picture of a beauty pageant contestant called Brian. No, really!

Mind you, he was a tranny, and from Grimsby, where it isn't hard to be more attractive than the local skirt.

https://www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/brian-lived-trans-woman-natalia-4028107

 

Not wishing to break anonymity Baws, but to keep it as vague as possible... are you one of the Chasers?

3 minutes ago, Decimus said:

No doubt @Earl of Punkape is furiously licking surfaces in public spaces as we speak, desperate to get Covid so he can have his puckered arsehole thoroughly swabbed by a heavy handed, Nigerian male nurse.

What a vile, faggot cunt.

They'll get a crew to abseil in and swab his, the hauntingly depraved individual. I bet it's like Bilbo Baggins' sock drawer.

I shudder to think of what he's been up to during lockdown.

7 hours ago, JohnnySaucePants said:

 hahaha, you utter wanker.  Weve been entertaining ourselves reading some of the drivel you post on here. What a crack up, hang on a minute Eric, ill pass you over to Margo, she wants to comment.

Hello, Eric . Margo here, i originally hail from Bury St Edmunds. i"m a crew member on this lovely vessel. Here i work in a law firm in Nelson as a partner. I'd just like to say i think you are a disgrace to British people everywhere and am wondering if indeed you are a meth addict.  I'll pass you to my husband Brian, hold on, just a minute.

Hello Eric, Brian here Margo's husband. I am originally from Cambridge and have been here over ten years. Also sailing on this wonderful yacht. I own a plumbing supply and sheet metal business in Nelson. I'd add that i think you are an unbelievable idiot, and a cunt lol. I;ll hand this to Sonia to comment.

 hahaha, Johnny here again, you fucking wanker, Sonia"s fallen asleep. Seems your douche baggery is spreading far and wide. Weve had a great laugh this evening, but the suns going down so time for a nightcap and some kip. Off via French pass tomorrow then up the west coast of Durville Island. Goodnight you complete and utter foolish gobby little cunt. It's been a good laugh at your expense. Enjoy your door watching and pic n mix watching lol.  Hope you catch covid, drink bleach lol

Jesus suffering fuck. This is the sort of post i expect to see a freeze-frame of on the news, or in some chilling Netflix documentary. 

Truly fascinating in a morbid, autistic sort of way.

2 hours ago, Decimus said:

And here lies the problem with modern politics.

On the one hand, you have the previous president who stoked racial tensions through either omission or inflammatory Twitter statements. On the other, you have got Biden who is heading a Democrat party which has been increasingly corrupted by identity politics and a perpetually outraged support base.

Where the fuck are all the moderate centrists? I realise that both sides of the political divide have demonised the pre-financial crash establishment, but fuck me, open your eyes. Fuck extremes, left or right, I want a pragmatist not an idealist, this is the real world,not Plato's utopia.

Couldn't agree more, Decsworth. Just don't air any views of being centrist on or offline at the minute, lest you be called part of the problem. Silence is the real violence now, after all.

You can't even say "it's nippy" now, you have to say it's "made in China."

43 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

One of them was Dave Hedgehog.

"Why do they call you Dave Hedgehog?"

18 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Vincent Cassel was in Guest House Paradiso with Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson too. Saw him most recently as an assassin in the last Bourne film.

He's great in La Haine. Quality film that is. Not mad on hip-hop if I'm honest, but the soundtrack is great n'all. 

Perhaps we will find that the cure all along is just to bore it to death.

2 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

It still is the greatest democracy on Earth. 

But this guy isn't the coolest dude

USA 1950: "We're the leaders of the free world!"

USA 2020: "I just lost my job for not putting a black square on my social media timeline."

Also, if there's one thing 2021 has taught me so far, it's that it's harder to get into Sainsbury's without a mask, than it is to get into their fucking Capitol Building dressed as Jay Kay's autistic twin.

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You could've left me out of it and said 'Paul & Barry Chuckle'

Does this mean one of them will have to die of bone cancer?

1 hour ago, Earl of Punkape said:

I would imagine you have shoehorned in many a Partridge....

 

What you imagine, Punkape, should be considered a crime against humanity itself. Mind like a miner's hanky, you filthy cunt.

Just now, Eric Cuntman said:

Have a cup of beans.

It's like a savoury 99.

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I was trying to think of a golfer and tie it in with a gay name. That was the best I could do. (Hangs head in shame). 

Think nothing of it. I was just looking for an opportunity to shoehorn in a Partridge quote.

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Poofy Ballesteros 

"A friend of mine said recently: 'What do you get if you cross a ballerina and a bastard?' - 'Ballesteros, was his answer.' I guess, if you analyse it, Seve combines the qualities of both those animals. He has the lithe sophistication and nimbleness of a ballerina, combined with the hard-nosed, ruthless thuggery of a bastard."

2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Yep. Both teams just needed a draw to go up. My brothers went to see it. Apparently both teams were so worried about losing, it was played like a friendly with nobody taking risks. They went on the piss in Southampton with a load of their fans. At one point the Southampton fans wanted to go along to Portsmouth to give their fans a smacking. 

A similar reason for why Sunderland fans hate the aforementioned Coventry. Jimmy Hill had their last game delayed by 10 minutes allegedly due to crowd congestion, and knew that both them and Bristol City who they were playing would be safe with a draw, and Sunderland lost, which they did. So when Bristol City equalised they continued to just pass the ball around like a friendly game down the park. Bit naughty, but fuck 'em.

20 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

There was a campaign to get her sacked from Disney because she wouldn't put pronouns in her Twitter bio. People really ought to storm the Capitol Building and take their country back.

Beep/bop/boop

Funny you should say that Bawsy. The call for her sacking is apparently trending again at the moment for not condemning the storming of the shite house the other day.

Not for condoning it, but for not condemning it. Fucking unreal.

Not content with shouting it to anyone within earshot of a grotty Premier Inn, this infuriatingly indignant talent-vacuum has just had a "manifesto" published on how to make our screens more diverse, despite BAME and indeed LGBTQ "minority groups" actually being overrepresented on TV, according to figures released by the Creative Diversity Network last year.

What a fucking cunt.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08NRPV2MK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_zjo-FbRZ1ZMZN

Just now, Stubby Pecker said:

Bent over the poop deck at the wrong end of a shine intent on arse rape?

Me meant where Frank was.

3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

They should change her name to Miss Molasses.

presumably Mrs Trunchbull will still be white. I mean, god forbid black actors being cast in negative roles.

Ralph Fiennes is tipped to play the character. So not only white, but most probably like most cunts in films: English White Male.

7 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

After 96 tiers.

Eric, what is your opinion on the casting of Miss Honey in the upcoming Matilda remake?

1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said:

Maybe I'm just upset because my "Clap for Rapists" Twitter campaign failed to get off the ground.

I wouldn't say that Baws, I did my bit. To be honest, this is about as close as I get to social media, and I missed the memo on the NHS wankery last time, so I just assumed all my neighbours were as fucking filthy as I am.

The fact they've revived it with a slight name change indicates that they are fully aware of how fucking sick of it people are before they've even begun. The only way I'll be out the front clapping is if the belming cunt from UPS finds my front door finally, or if some kid comes off their bike/skateboard.

I'm off to laugh at the septics now...

50 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

With this Mills and Boon-esque vision of sensitive love making has @Revhacked your CC account? German eye bath indeed. All that's missing is battering her dung passage, you silver tongued caviller

You're still a useless part time cunt, however  

I can't devote myself full time to chatting utter shite on here Stubbs, those toe-curling romance novels won't write themselves you know. My last novella "Mavis Takes Three In The Mudeye" left my local retirement home in such a state of frigor mortis, that the floor of the communal area looked like the aftermath of a slug orgy on an oil slick. 

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Uncanny!!!! I was genuinely just typing out a post that said you and @Cap'n Cunt would also be on it if you fucking bothered logging in more than once every 2 months. 

I suppose I'll be getting it in the ear from Hokey Gingers and Piston next.

In my defense, I thought it said senile instead of senior anyway, which explains the bi-monthly visits these days. I do appreciate it though, EC! 

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

@Wolfie @Neil @Rev.. 

aplologies for not including your names in the previous list of senior members. It was purely down to me trying to 'knock one out in a hurry' (post)...

calm down Neil.

Oi you cunt. I'll have that laminated picture of Mary Berry back now then.