Frank

Noted.

Pen, whilst Gobbie struggles to come to her senses, I don't mind if you fancy stepping in as her understudy. You'd need to tart up a bit and slap on some cherry lippy.... fear not, I'm way past my face fucking stage! We can wend our way through the park and have afternoon tea at the Dorchester.

Gobbie I took a train into London this morning from Exeter St Davids. Walked over Waterloo bridge into Covent Garden, then took a cab to the Serpentine in Hyde park. I thought perhaps now's the time to make amends and was hoping you'd give me the opportunity to explain myself. There's a romantic little café here overlooking the water where one can watch arabs grollying up. They have small boats for hire...

Quite marvellous..

Gobbie I've been thinking of how we can rid of your useless fucker of a hubby once and for all. I do miss our our drunken soirées.. fingers and tongues. I'll get back to you.

Never mind that shit Bawsey. I've just driven 14 hours to get from Troyes to Wiltshire. We missed the ferry crossing from Cherbourg after an accident closed the road, drove 300 odd km to Calais and then had to endure further delays at the tunnel. Junctions 1 and 2 on the M3 was closed and we eventually found ourselves in Staines at 2 in the morning. Gong's views on guns are slightly warped don't you think? Not really Gong, no.

Fucking hell Bill, ever considered taking up shorthand? I would disappear too if I had to contrive that pile of shit.

Snatch if only you used a little forethought to slow your tiny mind down before tapping away, you might avoid continuously coming across as the mawkish wet weekend you so obviously are. A spineless wash-out of the very highest order bar none.

MikeFuckingD.. the wimpish voice of reason. My God you're awful. Good morning.

Barnet's planning dept employ Snatchy type juniors who can't see through a simple con if it ravaged their bumholes with a poleaxe.

I don't know Mike.. I think you could be on to something.

You're right dingalong... the putrid gutsy smell puts most off. Almost as tasty as a kokoretsi.

Not quite the homecoming I was expecting Eddie. I know you're hurting and accept the healing process will take time. After all, I did reduce you to the size of a fucking ant. I'm sure we'll work something out by Christmas. x

Good morning Ed.. my little racist suburban suffering non-reader. You've really been getting stuck in with your fascist views. Good for you.

I've had a super evening, minkey. We are currently on tour in France and tonight we've stopped over in Troyes (pronounced 'trois' Bill you ignorant fuck) in the Aube. We've eaten andouille and oysters and drunk champagne in superabundance. Night x

I'm with you. Yes I am.

Fuck off.

It's been nothing but non-stop dancing, Alf. Last week I finally received planning for an 18 bed residential care home... adults with learning difficulties and shit. Barnet granted change of use from a derelict 5 bed semi on the wrong side of Golders Green to what will be a most salubrious haven for flids.

It's been a while Gobbie. Your hairy must be as dry as a quaver. I'm down on the coast this weekend if you fancy catching up..

Delighted to make your acquaintance manky-child, you utter utter delirious dunce. Rejoice in your new found freedom while it lasts.

Extraordinary.

There's no need for that, stinker. Don't make me track you down and do you a Django

I read this twice thinking I surely must be missing something. I then looked at your profile and read your other posts. With respect, you are absolutely rubbish.

The city curry cunt connoisseur is the real offender. The sap who will prattle on and on over the most fabulous first floor stink hole establishments on Brick Lane.. cooking the most wonderful authentic curries in clay ovens. Bill was right... no bottle. Thank you to all those, especially you spot, who PM'd me with their concerns. I'll be absolutely fine. What really brought me back to my senses.. made it unbearable to watch, was page after fucking page of utter drivel and trite from MikeFuckingD.

A good job jobbed.