Bubba C

Swansea? Behave yourself and your dilated pupils, William. That place is a shit hole of the lowest order. And stay away from me with your 'Mephedrone' you lying little rat, we both know that you've got a sack of Rohypnol burning a hole in your clammy pocket. Now, if you'd said you'd swing by Cardiff with an ounce of Charles, we'd be very much on the same, motor-mouthing page. Just don't pull up in your yellow Vauxhall Tigra.

This is too much Baws. Bring me this cunts head, on an iPad with a stake for a screensaver and we may be able to restore the worlds equilibrium. Some cunt near me brings some dishes out still in the fucking pan. Lazy, trying to be hip, master chef watching, cunt.

The local version of this is the Toby Carvery. Only once did I subject myself to this carnage. It was like watching the raptor feeding scene from Jurassic Park in the flesh, only replacing the goat with a mountain of roast potatoes and salivating cunts instead of a dinosaur. Fucking disgusting. I finished my tap water, with ice and lemon and fucked off, pronto.

I now have a disgusting image in my mind of a web-fingered Patrick Bateman being blown across the room in an anal exorcist fashion by a flat cap wearing cunt who's snorting lines of Yorkshire pudding.

Fucking hell, Swarms, got a bit excited putting that together, did you?

I'm not sure the 2 are mutually exclusive. Especially with Decs penchant for rough anal passion.

Charging for vegetables? Not experienced that, but a truly fucking absurd concept none the less. Another thought on my nom, surely eating off a piece of wood that countless others have used is some sort of hygiene risk? Filthy cunts

What the fuck is it with restaurants and pubs these days? Is there a shortage of plates in the world, or is it simply the fucking trend to serve a 3 course meal on anything but a plate, the one fucking thing that particular piece of crockery was designed for? Starter in some glass fucking dish, main on a fucking piece of wood and desert on some slate. Not one fucking plate throughout, it was only because the waitress had a fuckable arse and tits that I didn't lose my shit. Fuck off, give me my food on a plate and my fucking pint in a normal glass, not something that looks like a fucking knock-off Waterford crystal fucking vase. Cunts

I'm jealous as fuck, Slackers. My bank holiday seems to consist of DIY and pointless house (not bungalow) shit. None of which involve vacuuming.........massive lines of posh up my snout, which is massively upsetting.

Fuck me, was this 'restaurant', Wetherspoons?

Fucking soppy cunt.

Shouldn't you be supping on a jug of Castlemaine XXXX, ya flamin' galah?

Shut it, ye olde cunt!

I think north Wales is your most likely region, but most of the Neanderthal freaks up there sound like they're grunting some bastardised cross between German, Welsh and Scouse, so I'm not really sure. It is a fucking nonsense language, not as bad as French though.

I'm hoping you saw my subtle innuendo there Neil, and this wasn't just an immature reference to your Brie adorned bell-end?

Fucking hell. Luckily, my other half possesses infinitely better linguistic ability than 99% of the Welsh population, so I can have a semi-decent conversation with her, when I can be bothered, obviously. Another fucking annoying word that had crept into common language is 'literally'. As in "I was literally working until 7pm" as I've just heard some cunt say to try and emphasise a point.

Loads of the cunts. And people who ask "can you borrow us a tenner". Vermin. What the fuck does 'shew' mean?

Is this a Norfolk colloquialism? I've never heard it, and there are many completely made up words in this sunny part of the world.

Must be a gag in here somewhere.....

No, Bill, you gargantuan gimp, it was contrived bollocks by a boring cunt, hence my response to this sanctimonious, part-time psychiatrist, philosophising prick.

When the frog is right, the frog is fucking right, Bill.

Yes, you silly little pineapple. Now fuck off and make some sandwiches.

I'm on a mission to find the cunt now.....

Absolutely, fucking, fascinating. You boring fucking cunt.

You could say he pipped you to it. Fuck off now, that's your lot.