Wolfie

You're the biggest small-talk chatterbollocks bellend this hole has ever seen. For the love of Christ H, please just shut the fuck up.

Is this what the old boy used to say to your boyfriend at the time, when discussing your generally convivial personality?

Right, I've blocked Arseholes & Pen. It's been ages since I've done this, Bernie shovel-hands being the last. The first thing on the activity list I saw was 'wolfie' via Rabbi Shit. Fixated. His palling up with Pen is similar to watching two teenage mental patients assisting one another, like two 'weirdo' outcasts in the school playground with nowhere to go. I'm looking forward to my notifications being free from this obsessive, useless pair of cunts.

You absolute fucking tool.

He'll be keen for a second opinion when she returns.

Presumably the old trout with the pink hair and accompanying bit of haddock didn't see you oddly place your glasses at the corner of your table, and then take a photo of them facing back at yourself, yes? If you're too nom-shy, Frank, then at least meet us halfway and give us a fucking video.

She's probably reading this on a Boeing 737, sitting in a moist, fanny-battered economy class seat, en route to Turkey, Dubai or India to "clean up a mess caused by an idiot CEO" while sipping on a glass of prosecco.

More of the same please Harold.

Frank probably thought the same about Kwasi Kwarteng. I shouldn't feel too embarrassed.

'Me Tarzan, you Jane'. You're the only dickhead here whose posts I highlight in red, because of the idiot bold font used in every comment.

I'd still fuck her after a few beers, providing my memory of it could be erased. 1.08sec is priceless, in a kind of semi-thick & naive Gyppo sort of way, credulous but with a willing heart.

You've apologised to the biggest hoodwinking wanker this place is ever likely to see. A serious subject met with a magnanimous expression of regret. Pure class. Fuck off Drew in advance, you unemployable, drunken little toad.

Testicle?

Wishing you a belated happy & Aids-free 2024, F. Mrs W kindly got me a pair of Red Wing moc toes for Crimpo, something I've wanted for a while but unsure about sizing. Anyway, not only do they make this old man feel as cool as fuck... they fit! They are however killing my feet/ankles, which, from reading reviews, is fairly common before they loosen. As you're the footwear maestro, I'm enquiring whether you have experience of breaking a pair in? What about your BF or hubby – has either undergone the rigmarole of getting used to such a pair of metaphoric tanks? Thanks in advance wanker.

That's a very generous offer SC – which is obviously reciprocated if ever you fancy a trip to England's West Country. We live in a work-in-progress old cottage, so a summer vacation would suit best. (We do have a woodburner!) LCS will probably have a field day when I say this, but you've got a good life there. I took some time out from my studies and spent a little over nine months working on a farm near Sydney. The heat was a little too much at times, and the majority of my loved ones are in the UK, which is why I never jumped ship – though it was a consideration at the time. As I've said before, travel is a great antidote to feeling dispirited about one's own backyard, and I'm sure it's the same for you guys.

Basil only joined on Sunday Raas, and it seems he's already sussed the weird kike cunt out. While I'm liking the cut of your jib, Basil, for Gawd's sake get yourself an avatar! Actually, there's someone here who's something of an expert when it comes to changing avatars...

Here you go Bores. It appears you hadn't worked out that LCS resides in Perth ("Western ‘Straya"), like 99% of the rest of the puntership, which is on the Indian Ocean, so I thought this gentle little geography tutorial might come in handy while planning your trip to the Great Barrier Reef and South Pacific:

Lol. You're not too far from the truth, BB. He stalks not only me but also a couple of other punters, chiefly Decs and Raas. You'll find out soon enough, but he's got a fascination for all types of shit – especially dogshit. You've been forewarned.

Well, if I was being really pedantic, I'd suggest this is a feeble attempt to free yourself of your blatant subserviency and ass-kissing of Cuntybores. You can have a like for empathy, however, as I've been in similar situations brought about by the missus – just recently at Christmas. But 38C, really? Hardly a metaphor for the Caledonian spirit.

Welcome, Charles Saatchi.

Probably not quite as much as the ridicule coming from your post-PE school changing room.

An old pal of mine (English) married an American and now lives near Grand Rapids in Michigan, R-Soles, and she's invited us to visit. It's a big trip to organise but I would love to go – only it's around -20C in winter, so a summer holiday looks more plausible. Naturally I'm excited and I've been combing the area via Google Maps... only to discover a small city in the state called 'Gaylord', lololol. Surely a move from Golders Green beckons...

In principle, yes. But just imagine her on all-fours in front of you, when she turns around and her father's face suddenly appears.

Actually H, as much as I dislike the fake, plump, privileged kike cow, and while my days of hedonism are long behind me, I can think of worse things than spending an evening with Nigella in her Chelsea apartment, accompanied by a wrap of quality candy and several bottles of claret.

@Dyslexic cnut's right Gyps. While the subject at hand may be worthy of a public shoeing, a one-sentence (and a weak one at that) nom does not make good cunting – far from it. A worthy topic is something which is original, creative etc. and not slothfully cut & pasted from the BBC website's front fucking page. We all have immediate access to precisely the same story, which in no way adds value to the 'topic' that Willy Warmer was attempting to submit. Don't take this personally, but advocating Pen's nom by claiming "great cunting" brings nothing to the site by encouraging one of the least effective and idiotic punters this shithole has ever suffered. Seriously, how many likes did it attract? Like I said: lazy, useless, pointless.