Major Cunt

Now, Come, come, Mr. Cuntman. You disappoint me. You get as much fulfillment out of ripping Jewdy as I do, so why don't you admit it?

I seriously hope not, Fends. I've been on the blower to Ape this evening and hooked him up with some claymore anti-personnel mines. If he's lucky enough to survive, he'll be joining Jewdy's mobility scooter hells angels club.

I've always been more of an Ernst Kaltenbrunner man personally.

Pete, I've hacked the servers of all major mobile phone and internet providers, along with calling in a couple of favours from GCHQ, so I've triangulated your exact location to within 2.3 meters. My only decision now is whether to pass this information on to Punkers, who will sedate, bugger and gag you in no specific order. The second option which I personally prefer, is to grab my fillet knife cover your house in tarpaulin and open you up like a fucking village fête! If the volume of your posts recede and the quality improves, I may change my mind. You've been warned!

Fucking hell Jude this is quality material, honestly, I read this little tirade and cracked up, I'm torn though. Do I award you a like for genuinely making me laugh, or do I celebrate this post with a cunt? You've certainly been overindulging on the Oranjeboom 8.5% again on a school night. You regularly visit a site called cunts corner and your well aware of what that entails. All this chucking your toys out the pram malarkey just goes to reinforce the stereotypical views held about you. Nobody here goes bunging Roops dough for clemency or immunity from the rules. If you recall there were numerous bans imposed over the paddling pool revelation. You wanna sort yourself out mate, maybe think about scoring an eighth of skunk and cutting back on the cheap booze.

I dunno about that, Jewdy. There's been a few politicians that have been quite vocal on the rights of mobility scooter owning, 'raspberry ripples.' I'm pretty sure your not gonna loose any dough on future DLA payments. So you'll no doubt be able to maintain your kebab and white cider diet.

I take it you know Cuntman personally then?

Lying bitch indeed, Pierre. She told me she was 14, i remember it like yesterday. I was running a charity marathon while clad in my multicoloured shell suit, Cuban cigar in mouth, and adorned with more 'tomfoolery' than Mr T. She was standing in a Leeds bus shelter smoking a red band, and needed a fiver for Scrumpy Jack. Has she still got the medallion I gave her? It was attached to a red ribbon. How's about that then?

I hate to break it to you, Pedro, but your sisters about as much of anal-virgin as Frank. Be that as it may though, It's comforting to not be burdened with another spastic newbie. Go fuck yourself, and welcome!

I'd love to see Frank busking provided I had my headphones in. I'd walk over and drop a 'deep sea diver' in his Argos guitar case, then pivot in one swift movement to deliver a ferocious uppercut breaking his jaw, followed by a kick in the head whilst he's unconscious. Obviously I'd retrieve my fiver. I hope this conveys my feelings towards the sloane ranging faggot.

I like to think so, Eric.

I'd quite happily meet Pen for a drink Wizz, though only as pretence to caving it's skull in. I'd probably also glass her, if I'm honest.

That's ironic Pen, coz every quality punter on here ignores you. You ubiquitous cunt!

Personally I prefer "For a Few Drachmas' More", it's a biography on the life of Francis Kleftiko, and happens to be his trademark quip at public toilets when offering unprotected anal. Funnily enough, it's also what Greece's entire rail infrastructure was sold for.

More shit from Punkers, the Corners toffee jousting correspondent in chief.

Could have gone the whole hogg and got a brass with a quid on that. Not a high end whore granted, but probably classier than the crack whores he's used to.

Go on the Norwich. Good to see the dirty Abu Dhabi, manc cunts, get turned over.

The resemblance is certainly striking, Scotty. Mind you, even if the geriatric cunt took a whole box, he'd still only be as solid as a punctured inner tube.

I dunno about Cowell being an iron Eric, but he's certainly on his own plateau of cuntishness. Personally I'd like to torture him with a blowtorch and Fenders favourite hammer. Regarding the fucking plankton that have lined his pockets I'd strongly advocate forced euthanasia, fuck em. I won't have any of his grade a horse-shit creations on my TV, and any cunt who visits chez Major knows it's a Cowell free zone. In fact the only terrestrial telly I watch these days is the news. With the advent of smart devices there's no excuse.

Fuck him Salty, obviously not literally, he'd enjoy that. Just take him down the Everglades and remove his mobility scooters battery, then let the Gators do the rest. Just make sure you dump the scooter after, then technically there's no case.

The entertainment industry is infested with nonces, Stubbs. As a matter of fact every cunt seems to be at it, both lately and historically. Old Randy Andy allegedly flew on that fucking nonce Epstein's jet, and was smashing teenage girls, not that anything will come of it. You can guaran-fuckin-tee this will get covered up quicker than a Parisian car crash.

When I want the fat bastard put out of his misery via a diamorphine overdose, I'll give you a bell. Not that I'm questioning your overall competence as a physician.

Certainly there's a fine line between "ripping the piss" and "abuse" Jewdy. Though when you're suffering from a cluster b personality disorder like yourself, where does it end? I understand you've difficulty controlling emotions and feel persecuted, maybe @DrCunt could prescribe an anti-psychotic? Silly cunt!