The British Coastal Summer a time for Cunts

[Guest cuntcrapper]

I have a 'Sea View', an apparent positional good  - this is what 'Summer' means to me;

• School Holidays - 6 weeks of specialised torture as the little cunts smash anything with less resistance than a cast-iron bench to matchwood
• Stupid TV Weather announcer cunts crying daily if it looks like rain, or being less than 40 degrees fucking C
• Andrew 'Friday the 13th' Marr, every Sunday with his bent gob, mauling on about how he wants eternal hot weather - fucked up supercilious cunt

Being bitten by;
• Gnats
• Wasps
• Other winged tormentors from God's cunting hate locker

Restraining and the expense of:

• Flys

• Thrips, (getting into every crevice and dying within them causing hours of work (i.e picture frames)

• Heat

• Humidity

• Pigeons fucking on my balcony, then shitting all over it

• 5 Hour nights

Sub heading 'Chavs on Holiday';

• The site of these ugly fat, tattooed and pierced fuck pigs. The hardy cunts now bring 'pop-up' tents for shelter whilst the rain provides relief from their oppression

• Traffic jams caused by their arrivals and departures, the eternal noise of Ambulances and Police cars attending their various 'ceremonies'

• The DHS 'week' in September when they 'Rent while U Wreck' shithole caravans and generally reduce the whole place even further into the sewer

• The heat setting off the chinese alarms in their cheap crappy cars (who'd want to steal a shitbin anyway?)

• Stink of the lousy 'Bonfire Food' they stick down their Fat Gullets, whilst they launch Chinese Lanterns from the beach

• Boozing to complete oblivion (without the decency of choking on their own vomit) & therefore:

• Puking

• Arguing, with every few words punctuated with 'right' or 'know wot I mean'

• Shouting out eternal calls like,  see ya latarghhhhhh, or 'Luv ya ta bits babes'

• Fighting and unfortunately not killing each other

• Pissing in the street

• Crapping their diarrhea amongst the sand castles

• Shooting up drugs on the beach, leaving their poxed up needles everywhere

• The resident drug dealer sat on the staithe 10 hours a day. With his attendant little court of semi conscious fuckwads, playing 200 decibel music like a demented ice cream vendor attracting his death shrouded zombie consumers like the pied piper from hell. The 'not really' cardboard police, deliberately ignoring these activities

 

• Their scummoid brats:

• Intimidating anyone at least 50 years older than them, whilst kicking fuck out of the flower beds the stupid council wasted my money on - wheres the anti personnel mine for fucks sake

• Every fucking 'gift' shops all stacked up with exactly the same rubbish union jack flags and cunt hats etc. They wonder why most of em go tits up after a season!

• Itinerant Noise associated with this insect loin detritus. Flocking to the beach, like fire-ants on the rampage and then spending 4 hours nailed to the concrete when the tide's in (cos their stupid parents never check the tide tables). This ends in screams to get back home to their beloved, X boxes, Ipads, buckets of sugar and other associated dross they utilise to dress their hopefully short passage to death with

• Ugly 'pop-up' cafe's run by nauseous, mirror images of their cunt clientele, who pay hideous prices for the germ laden cack they purvey

• Useless 'lifeguards', pimply, nose-picking, adolescents, who do fuck all except emit deafening sound effects from their 'Ghetto Blasters'

• Crap processions every September with 'floats' of morons, posing like stiffs, while others twirl and clap like choreographed retards, Morris Cunt Dancers

The Seasonal evergreens

• Raw Red Purulent Chav flesh, (medium rare) glistening like wet leather everywhere and the stink of cheap suntan 'frying tonight' oil

• Teenage Chavs on chicken chaser mopeds

• Macho scumbags on motorbikes with the noise levels of helicopters, driving round and round like hordes of nuclear charged hornets

• Stupid Beach Huts with nameplates like 'Jabba' or 'Molly's Nest' brimfull with smucks and their mates and scrawny, dried out old wives, from Basildon and Grays

• 200 Decibel car stereo's with base speakers the size of coffins in the boot

• Old Chavs with shaven heads, tattoo's, earrings (possibly aerials), trying to look 20 something normally attired in,

• Cargo Trousers and fresh cheap white platform trainers. Again because we all have to do it there are tattoo's up to their knees and all over their dumb, cro-magnon necks & faces

• Fast Food trays blowing in the wind the next day like Satan's dandruff

 

Not an exhaustive list, and oh yes, I could move, but fortunately have a property in France for the Great British Summer, miles from anywhere. If I wasn't too old I'd move permanently, but then I'd miss David Cameron's wonderful fucked up, overpopulated, little dick-brained country hurtling towards it's EU inspired terminal disaster. It's going to get worse and Oh no, I'm not going to miss any of it. I only hope I live long enough to see it implode. I've paid for my box-seat in advance!

 

Edited June 7, 2015 by cuntcrapper

[Guest nobgobbler]

Succinct.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

Brief and to the point.

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

I take it you live near me then. I can see all that from here.

[Guest JackoTC]

I hate myself for saying this....I really do, but you should kill yourself. You sound desperately unhappy. Either that or your just a singularly joyless cunt.

[camberwell gypsy]

I have a 'Sea View', an apparent positional good  - this is what 'Summer' means to me;

• School Holidays - 6 weeks of specialised torture as the little cunts smash anything with less resistance than a cast-iron bench to matchwood
• Stupid TV Weather announcer cunts crying daily if it looks like rain, or being less than 40 degrees fucking C
• Andrew 'Friday the 13th' Marr, every Sunday with his bent gob, mauling on about how he wants eternal hot weather - fucked up supercilious cunt

Being bitten by;
• Gnats
• Wasps
• Other winged tormentors from God's cunting hate locker

Restraining and the expense of:

• Flys

• Thrips, (getting into every crevice and dying within them causing hours of work (i.e picture frames)

• Heat

• Humidity

• Pigeons fucking on my balcony, then shitting all over it

• 5 Hour nights

Sub heading 'Chavs on Holiday';

• The site of these ugly fat, tattooed and pierced fuck pigs. The hardy cunts now bring 'pop-up' tents for shelter whilst the rain provides relief from their oppression

• Traffic jams caused by their arrivals and departures, the eternal noise of Ambulances and Police cars attending their various 'ceremonies'

• The DHS 'week' in September when they 'Rent while U Wreck' shithole caravans and generally reduce the whole place even further into the sewer

• The heat setting off the chinese alarms in their cheap crappy cars (who'd want to steal a shitbin anyway?)

• Stink of the lousy 'Bonfire Food' they stick down their Fat Gullets, whilst they launch Chinese Lanterns from the beach

• Boozing to complete oblivion (without the decency of choking on their own vomit) & therefore:

• Puking

• Arguing, with every few words punctuated with 'right' or 'know wot I mean'

• Shouting out eternal calls like,  see ya latarghhhhhh, or 'Luv ya ta bits babes'

• Fighting and unfortunately not killing each other

• Pissing in the street

• Crapping their diarrhea amongst the sand castles

• Shooting up drugs on the beach, leaving their poxed up needles everywhere

• The resident drug dealer sat on the staithe 10 hours a day. With his attendant little court of semi conscious fuckwads, playing 200 decibel music like a demented ice cream vendor attracting his death shrouded zombie consumers like the pied piper from hell. The 'not really' cardboard police, deliberately ignoring these activities

 

• Their scummoid brats:

• Intimidating anyone at least 50 years older than them, whilst kicking fuck out of the flower beds the stupid council wasted my money on - wheres the anti personnel mine for fucks sake

• Every fucking 'gift' shops all stacked up with exactly the same rubbish union jack flags and cunt hats etc. They wonder why most of em go tits up after a season!

• Itinerant Noise associated with this insect loin detritus. Flocking to the beach, like fire-ants on the rampage and then spending 4 hours nailed to the concrete when the tide's in (cos their stupid parents never check the tide tables). This ends in screams to get back home to their beloved, X boxes, Ipads, buckets of sugar and other associated dross they utilise to dress their hopefully short passage to death with

• Ugly 'pop-up' cafe's run by nauseous, mirror images of their cunt clientele, who pay hideous prices for the germ laden cack they purvey

• Useless 'lifeguards', pimply, nose-picking, adolescents, who do fuck all except emit deafening sound effects from their 'Ghetto Blasters'

• Crap processions every September with 'floats' of morons, posing like stiffs, while others twirl and clap like choreographed retards, Morris Cunt Dancers

The Seasonal evergreens

• Raw Red Purulent Chav flesh, (medium rare) glistening like wet leather everywhere and the stink of cheap suntan 'frying tonight' oil

• Teenage Chavs on chicken chaser mopeds

• Macho scumbags on motorbikes with the noise levels of helicopters, driving round and round like hordes of nuclear charged hornets

• Stupid Beach Huts with nameplates like 'Jabba' or 'Molly's Nest' brimfull with smucks and their mates and scrawny, dried out old wives, from Basildon and Grays

• 200 Decibel car stereo's with base speakers the size of coffins in the boot

• Old Chavs with shaven heads, tattoo's, earrings (possibly aerials), trying to look 20 something normally attired in,

• Cargo Trousers and fresh cheap white platform trainers. Again because we all have to do it there are tattoo's up to their knees and all over their dumb, cro-magnon necks & faces

• Fast Food trays blowing in the wind the next day like Satan's dandruff

 

Not an exhaustive list, and oh yes, I could move, but fortunately have a property in France for the Great British Summer, miles from anywhere. If I wasn't too old I'd move permanently, but then I'd miss David Cameron's wonderful fucked up, overpopulated, little dick-brained country hurtling towards it's EU inspired terminal disaster. It's going to get worse and Oh no, I'm not going to miss any of it. I only hope I live long enough to see it implode. I've paid for my box-seat in advance!

 

​In a seaside town that they forgot to close down; armageddon come armageddon come armageddon come; everyday is like sunday, everyday is silent and grey!

Morrisey circa: I don't fucking care!

[Guest cuntcrapper]

I hate myself for saying this....I really do, but you should kill yourself. You sound desperately unhappy. Either that or your just a singularly joyless cunt.

​You have no idea how much I hate everything - now including you

[Decimus]

​You have no idea how much I hate everything - now including you

I feel your pain, Crapper. It's getting to that time of year again where Nelson's county will be flooded with hordes of pensioners, northerners and second home owning home counties cunts. If you can't beat them, join them. My usual revenge is to spend a week in one of the suburban shit holes, inflicting their unique brand of fuckwittery on their home turf. Last year it was a long weekend in Basildon. I spent the entirety of it pissing in the street, inflicting my noisy brats on unsuspecting Nando's customers and moaning non fucking stop that I could have got an all inclusive in Benidorm at half the price of my premier inn. 

[Guest DingTheRioja]

I feel your pain, Crapper. It's getting to that time of year again where Nelson's county will be flooded with hordes of pensioners, northerners and second home owning home counties cunts. If you can't beat them, join them. My usual revenge is to spend a week in one of the suburban shit holes, inflicting their unique brand of fuckwittery on their home turf. Last year it was a long weekend in Basildon. I spent the entirety of it pissing in the street, inflicting my noisy brats on unsuspecting Nando's customers and moaning non fucking stop that I could have got an all inclusive in Benidorm at half the price of my premier inn. 

​Nandos?

FUCKING NANDOS???

You'd be better off at Benidorm....

[Decimus]

​Nandos?

FUCKING NANDOS???

You'd be better off at Benidorm....

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, Dingers. When in Essex, chav it up lose all sense of taste and decency, and go for a Nando's. You've got to blend in with the local wildlife.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

..but that's going a step too far... you're into assimilation territory there...

I was in Scouseland in a restaurant the last week and there was a Nogoes opposite... the "clientele" that dragged their knuckles/fat-arses/ankle-biters in and out were a sight to behold... I thought it was the reject pile from Noah's Ark... smothered in "peri peri" sauce from peroxide to stilletos