Guest Gurt Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Just had a long haired girl serve me an egg and cress roll from the bakery down the road from where we're working and two bites in I tried to swallow but ended up in a bit of a predicament. Couldn't swallow as the lump of sandwich had one of the skanky fuckers long black hairs entangling my teeth while the other end was stuck halfway down my gullet. Couldnt breathe or cough it up... Ended up spewing on my boots with what looked like an eggy pendulum swinging from my gob. Suggestions please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Next year's Turner Prize winner? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Suggestions please ?. Fucking hell Gurt you really left yourself wide open to abuse there. Thank God for the new look forum otherwise you would be in for a lot of abuse. Oh fuck it , I suggest you go and die slowly in a sewer anyway. Have a very good afternoon xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 have the tuna next time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Predictable but thanks. You lot can do better than that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Always wondered what Floela Benjamin's pubes were like Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Just now, Gurt said: Predictable but thanks. You lot can do better than that just what the fuck did you expect...sound legal advice and the name of a no win no fee lawyer....of course its predictable,,,we are all cunts here you stupid fucking cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Do you have a number then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 You wet cunt Gunt. A few scrotty hairs in a sandwich is good for the immune system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 No advice necessary, because you will probably get such a kicking for this nomination that you'll have to take all your meals in liquidised form from now on. Since these meals will closely resemble the downstream contents of your colostomy bag, be very careful not to confuse the two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 9 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: No advice necessary, because you will probably get such a kicking for this nomination that you'll have to take all your meals in liquidised form from now on. Since these meals will closely resemble the downstream contents of your colostomy bag, be very careful not to confuse the two. Don't think Scottish people should offer advice on nutrition, after all your national dish is basically a colostomy bag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Suggestions? With the benefit of hindsight, you should have doused yourself in petrol and set yourself on fire this morning before you even stepped out of your disgusting hovel. That would have saved you from spewing over your piss soaked tramps shoes, and it would have saved me the few seconds it took to read your outpouring of utter, fucking shite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Go and kick the twat in the minge. Rely on Manky to lend a hand to those in need with sage advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 15 minutes ago, Decimus said: Suggestions? With the benefit of hindsight, you should have doused yourself in petrol and set yourself on fire this morning before you even stepped out of your disgusting hovel. That would have saved you from spewing over your piss soaked tramps shoes, and it would have saved me the few seconds it took to read your outpouring of utter, fucking shite. Thanks decimous, great advice.! Glad you could find the time to reply in between your busy schedule of abusing yourself to CBeebies and licking the Windows on the sunshine variety bus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Should have made your own sandwich you lazy cunt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Gurt, before I attempt to offer advice, I need more information. Did the hirsute, skanky cunt reek of sheep shit, and bray on about having no mates and how Card loves her? If so, I think the obvious solution is clear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 3 hours ago, Gurt said: Don't think Scottish people should offer advice on nutrition, after all your national dish is basically a colostomy bag I'll have you know my body is a fucking temple. Shame it's Palmyra. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 6 hours ago, Gurt said: Just had a long haired girl serve me an egg and cress roll from the bakery down the road from where we're working and two bites in I tried to swallow but ended up in a bit of a predicament. Couldn't swallow as the lump of sandwich had one of the skanky fuckers long black hairs entangling my teeth while the other end was stuck halfway down my gullet. Couldnt breathe or cough it up... Ended up spewing on my boots with what looked like an eggy pendulum swinging from my gob. Suggestions please? Shave her head, and kill yourself immediately- if you can't manage the difficult ordeal that is an egg sandwich, you've no chance, twitching spastic cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 At least I don't have to suffer the indignity of having to have my food mashed by my mum and fed to me through a straw in my neck. I am hoping that your spastic head-rocking has finally snapped your brain stem and we find that you have choked on your giant tongue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 12 hours ago, Gurt said: 2 hours ago, Gurt said: At least I don't have to suffer the indignity of having to have my food mashed by my mum and fed to me through a straw in my neck. I am hoping that your spastic head-rocking has finally snapped your brain stem and we find that you have choked on your giant tongue. Just had a long haired girl serve me an egg and cress roll from the bakery down the road from where we're working and two bites in I tried to swallow but ended up in a bit of a predicament. Couldn't swallow as the lump of sandwich had one of the skanky fuckers long black hairs entangling my teeth while the other end was stuck halfway down my gullet. Couldnt breathe or cough it up... Ended up spewing on my boots with what looked like an eggy pendulum swinging from my gob. Suggestions please? Don't knock it till you've tried it. She's hot as fuck, yer ma. And very good at it, as if she's had to raise some drooling incest spawn for the last 40 years ... thanks for the tounge compliment you Cunt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 Ah, Quincy and Gurt. You two old boys are really going at it. Reminds me of myself and a certain young Fatty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 8 minutes ago, bill_stickers said: Ah, Quincy and Gurt. You two old boys are really going at it. Reminds me of myself and a certain young Fatty. If I close my eyes I can still hear in my mind the sound of your balls slapping off his great lardy arse. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 1 minute ago, Cuntybaws said: If I close my eyes I can still hear in my mind the sound of your balls slapping off his great lardy arse. If you open your eyes you can see it happening in all its glory! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 Just now, bill_stickers said: If you open your eyes you can see it happening in all its glory! Metaphorically speaking. Please say that's metaphorically speaking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted November 12, 2015 Report Share Posted November 12, 2015 44 minutes ago, bill_stickers said: Ah, Quincy and Gurt. You two old boys are really going at it. Reminds me of myself and a certain young Fatty. They were halcyon days indeed, Bill. Regardless of the fact that Fats undoubtedly had special needs, he gave a good showing. Fuck the where is apple thread, I want to know where Fatty is. The answer is obviously a cardiac ward, but like candyman, if we mention him enough times he will hopefully make an appearance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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