ratcum Posted February 19, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2017 Jeff Wayne has remade The War of The Worlds using Gary Barlow. That's like redoing The Holocaust with Ambi Pur; pointless and smelly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted February 21, 2017 Report Share Posted February 21, 2017 On 12/02/2017 at 11:51 AM, ratcum said: I saw one of those Bentley off-roaders yesterday. What a travesty! It looked like they'd started with a London black cab, had it ass fucked by cave trolls, then kept in a giant veal crate on a diet of lard. The finishing shop must have employed our very own Stanley tools pinup boy, Fender. They are truly fucking awful. A bit like the old Granada replacement (scorpio?) thing but fatter. It's the car equivalent of Abbot, fat, ugly, costs a fortune, is of no practical use, and only a true cunt would 'ride' one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted February 21, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2017 43 minutes ago, DingTheRioja said: They are truly fucking awful. A bit like the old Granada replacement (scorpio?) thing but fatter. It's the car equivalent of Abbot, fat, ugly, costs a fortune, is of no practical use, and only a true cunt would 'ride' one. I feel slightly unwell now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted February 25, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 Imagine if you went to the jewellers and said you wanted to some jewellery on approval, but instead they thought you meant Jewry. There'd be benjo and enthuzimuzzy for all around as you left with a gaggle of these cunts draped around you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 25, 2017 Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 1 minute ago, ratcum said: Imagine if you went to the jewellers and said you wanted to some jewellery on approval, but instead they thought you meant Jewry. There'd be benjo and enthuzimuzzy for all around as you left with a gaggle of these cunts draped around you. Ratty you are the Jews Hell in the crown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted February 25, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 5 hours ago, Lady Penelope said: Ratty you are the Jews Hell in the crown. I wish I'd said that Wilde Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted February 28, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2017 I was grooming my cat earlier today and thought how much some of you would like to see me grooming him online. He's called Dirlewanger, but responds to "Otto" and "You fuckin spastic cat" just as well. Message me your requests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 28, 2017 Report Share Posted February 28, 2017 21 minutes ago, ratcum said: I was grooming my cat earlier today and thought how much some of you would like to see me grooming him online. He's called Dirlewanger, but responds to "Otto" and "You fuckin spastic cat" just as well. Message me your requests. I have two cats called Oi and Fuck Off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted February 28, 2017 Report Share Posted February 28, 2017 23 minutes ago, ratcum said: I was grooming my cat earlier today and thought how much some of you would like to see me grooming him online. He's called Dirlewanger, but responds to "Otto" and "You fuckin spastic cat" just as well. Message me your requests. Is grooming animals legal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted February 28, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2017 1 hour ago, Snatch said: Is grooming animals legal? He's only 12, so probably not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted February 28, 2017 Report Share Posted February 28, 2017 4 hours ago, ratcum said: I was grooming my cat earlier today and thought how much some of you would like to see me grooming him online. He's called Dirlewanger, but responds to "Otto" and "You fuckin spastic cat" just as well. Message me your requests. If you stroke your pussy does it purr gently? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted March 1, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2017 1 hour ago, DingTheRioja said: If you stroke your pussy does it purr gently? That's 'Pay Per Mew' as you well know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted March 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2017 From now on I'm going to refer to dead celebrities in a way that reflects the manner of their passing. Marc Tree Bender for instance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted March 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2017 ...or David Hanging in a Fuckin Closet To Get Horn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted March 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2017 If Frau Rat ever has mastectomies I'll never call her a complete tit again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 10, 2017 Report Share Posted March 10, 2017 Depending on the surgery, could you still call her a right tit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted March 10, 2017 Report Share Posted March 10, 2017 On 05/03/2017 at 0:18 AM, ratcum said: From now on I'm going to refer to dead celebrities in a way that reflects the manner of their passing. Marc Tree Bender for instance. What do you get when you try to cross an oak tree with Gloria Jones' mini? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted March 10, 2017 Report Share Posted March 10, 2017 2 hours ago, Lady Penelope said: What do you get when you try to cross an oak tree with Gloria Jones' mini? A few million quid in royalties generated by re-release of T-Rex back catalogue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted March 10, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2017 7 hours ago, Lady Penelope said: What do you get when you try to cross an oak tree with Gloria Jones' mini? jewish banana? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted March 10, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2017 7 hours ago, DingTheRioja said: Depending on the surgery, could you still call her a right tit? a bit of a tit maybe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted March 17, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 I've sent in an idea for a new TV series on the beeb. Instead of Dick Tracy, my character's called Dick Tracer. He turns up at the scene of a crime as usual, but instead of solving it, he gets his nob out and draws round it!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted March 17, 2017 Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 7 minutes ago, ratcum said: I've sent in an idea for a new TV series on the beeb. Instead of Dick Tracy, my character's called Dick Tracer. He turns up at the scene of a crime as usual, but instead of solving it, he gets his nob out and draws round it!! Does his ejaculate also have pyrotechnic characteristics? That would make it more child and special needs friendly and help the audience catch onto the name a bit faster. Also making him a minority or a gay would almost certainly secure you a top broadcasting time. Don't want to end up stuck on BBC4 at three in the morning, do we? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted March 17, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 2 hours ago, Roadkill said: Does his ejaculate also have pyrotechnic characteristics? That would make it more child and special needs friendly and help the audience catch onto the name a bit faster. Also making him a minority or a gay would almost certainly secure you a top broadcasting time. Don't want to end up stuck on BBC4 at three in the morning, do we? I don't think you're taking this seriously Killer. After tracing his nob, Dick, as quick as a flash, whizzes off to perform another penile transcription. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted March 17, 2017 Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 2 hours ago, ratcum said: I don't think you're taking this seriously Killer. After tracing his nob, Dick, as quick as a flash, whizzes off to perform another penile transcription. Is he government funded or a... private contractor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 17, 2017 Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 4 minutes ago, Roadkill said: Is he government funded or a... private contractor? probably 'licence fee paid".... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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