Jump to content
CUNTS CORNER TWITTER ACCOUNT ID @CuntsCorner ×
Donations towards site upkeep will be thankfully received and faithfully applied....

The price of funerals


Guest Alfie Noakes

Recommended Posts

Guest DingTheRioja
29 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Sadly there are no vultures where I live, although some of the pigeons are a bit on the angry side.

Seeing the chavs desperately hanging around the bargain bin in Tesco's, I think there might be a contract to be had...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Alfie Noakes
3 hours ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

I buy my funerals from Fortnum and Mason. Too bad that you can only afford to throw your dead relatives into an unmarked paupers grave in the dead of the night. tried selling them to the dog food factory instead? 

 

Lol

Not a relative. Looking at costing mine. Sea burial is the way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

It is is rather obscene to charge 5k to dispose of something biodegradeable and smaller than say a fridge freezer, non biofegradeable, which Decs will have uplifted for you for 70 quid. 

Further ridiculousness: the human body is 80% water, so it is costing 4K to get rid of some pesky water. Last time I took a piss it was free.

Basically, for a down payment of £799.99, plus vat, each, id be happy to dispose of your useless cadavers, with true respect. Simply flatten them with a huge mallet, and hang you on lines in my woodshed to dehydrate. After 3 months id grind the lot to dust in a concrete mixer, job done.

I previously suggested that you should seek help but I take it all back. You may well have the power to save the human race

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Quincy Cockfingers
4 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

I previously suggested that you should seek help but I take it all back. You may well have the power to save the human race

That's  always been my goal. Would you like me to shite in your mouth?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 03/02/2017 at 4:28 PM, Noakes said:

To hold a twenty minute service a couple of cars, a wooden box and gas for a furnace £5000.00 that is with no frills, no minister as non religious. You fucking bunch of cunts profitting massively on the misery of mourning people. Fuck you all and fuck Worthing Crematorium. Cunts!

When my old man died the coop did the arrangements and it cost a fortune.   We collected the ashes a few days later to take to the cemetery but on collection the old bag at the coop simply dropped the bag containing the box of ashes on the floor and proceeded to discuss an error THEY had made in adding up the bill.   Apparently they had missed out £7.30...... I told her she was a fucking horrific person who deserved cremating herself and that she could ask my father for the money as he was in the box on the floor you fucking heartless cunt...goodbye.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...