BuggerLugs

Jeremy Farrar. Google is your friend, you thick cunt.

Alarmist cunt, yet in some ways I hope he turns out to be a soothsayer. In other news, I'm wondering why no. 10 doesn't have a cat flap?

Ace innit? I've just out on the street clapping and whooping like a spaz, I'm hammered again and I don't think my neighbours like me.

Let's all stand at our front door tomorrow at 8pm and fork the cunts.

I'm gonna miss this bollocks, long may it continue.

It's fantastic, like driving around the mountain roads of southern Spain in winter. Cock on.

So that'll be what I'd call a decent hangover. Nothing to see here. Fuck off.

I like you Punkers. in fact, I'm inclined to afford you the secret knock which admits one to my local and now underground hostelry, ironically called "The Crown". There's artisan gins through to the ubiquitous Carling, mini golf in the beer garden and discounted beak dispensed via the bogs. The landlord is making a killing.

Well, the old racism card hit the table pretty pronto here, to be expected, but much quicker than I anticipated. Fuck off with that shit.

Sport relief, comedy relief, children in need, et al....Giant steaming pile o shit, I'm relieved when the current wankfest is over,.trouble is, It's only a few weeks to the next one. Right, I'm off for a massive shit, now there's a true relief scenario.

Just got home, it took a while to negotiate the blockades of twigs and it doesn't help, that, as usual, I'm fucking hammered. I called in Tesco Express on the way and because I can't actually see, It appears, I bought vegan suet. Anyway, after a bit of fucking about, I can state, with authority, that fusion cooking betwixt non-carne pies and single malt whisky is a drastic failure. Mrs. Lugs says I can stay till the morning, then I have to fuck off.

Absolutely. But I can be a gay golfer if you're prepared to crossdress? NB. Other stuff TBA.

I already have, but I digress, I awake in Palomares, a one horse town in Almeria, which was accidentally bombed, with a nuclear weapon by the Yanks. I'm not sure how I arrived, but according to the other passengers in the hire car, we averaged around 180kph from Alicante, most acceptable for a 1.0 Hyundai i10 . However, there appears to be a residual stink of shit in the coche. It wasn't me. I've been out for sushi tonight and I'm very happy. .

It gets worse. I'm off to Spain again tomorrow. Pissed as a cunt postcards from the.Med. Vol 35 (El rincon de los coños, la película) incoming. Just to stay on topic, I've never had either a beard, nor a guitar and that useless cunt Valdez never did show up.

Eric, I've just done dry January, I'm off out on the pish and Mrs. Lugs can't be arsed. This could get very fucking messy. Stand by.

Jackie Chan will be drafted in shortly to sort out all this Kung Flu nonsense.

Indeed, it already has it's own Jap's eye, made for the job I'd say. The cock I'm already adorned with might not be long, but it's as fat as a tin o salmon.

On a related BBC spaz presenter matter.....I wish that one armed bandida Lucy Martin would drop her insistence on going bare back and adopt a fucking prosthetic, or a twig, or a spatula or something, I missed the gist of the weather forecast again due to being mesmerised by her twitching fucking stump, for fucks sake.

Whilst true, this has potential benefits for all. No need to rack up the air miles topping up one's tan, much easier access to benefits, superior knife skills and a bigger knob.