Goober

Ismosis.

Watership Down? This place is a well of obscure information.

This looks like a poorly executed attempt at blackface to me. Naturally, she should be taken into the street and beaten to death for this heinous crime. I doubt she'll be missed.

I'm afraid it's too late, Bill. I'm not familiar with the protocol for sex with conjoined twins, but I suspect that one way or another you're going to end up with an arsehole with acoustics similar to Fingal's cave.

I'm assuming that the revelation of the location of your abode was a red herring. A street view search of a small hamlet coupled with knowing your mode of transport could lead to Jacomo catalogues arriving on your doorstep, which would inevitably lead to a horrendous melt down and flounce.

Could be. There are 33 locations in Norfolk with 'thorpe' in the name. Cockthorpe is a possibility, for reasons I need not explain, but since there is not a local Spar with a large white cider section within mobility scooter range, my money is still on Bowthorpe, the shit bit near New Costessey.

No one is that brave. Even Charles Upham would shit himself inside out and he won two VCs.

I can imagine it now... Richard Kiel walks into a barber and the poncey stylist asks how he'd like his hair. Richard replies "make me look a stupid fucking cunt". Job done.

You definitely can. There's an adage amongst toxicologists that anything can be lethal, it just depends on the route of administration and quantity administered.

Is anyone else left with a whiff of a slavic Chemical Ali after listening to Russia's foreign minister, Sergei Lavrov? Chemical Ivan.

What @King Billy has not been told yet is that they're conjoined twins. He's going to have to spend many thousands on building works getting side by side bogs, and the like, installed in the house. He's going to have to work the poor bastards hard to recoup that.

Bowthorpe. I fucking knew it.

When were you granted this power? Why wasn't the membership informed that you've been promoted to Chief Cubicle Superintendent? Have you received your gold plated bog brush badge of office yet? You must now be on the path to take Spot's place on the mod team, once his unfortunate demise is officially announced.

What's his name? Mind he doesn't slip rohypnol in your Bacardi breezer and then shove a maris piper up your arse.

Thankfully, Ukraine's geographic size appears to be its only similarity to France. If the Ruskies crossed into France, the locals would be on their knees with their mouths open before the fast attack units got 2 miles down an autoroute, and that's just the men.

This is what happens when you're in charge of a nuclear superpower for 22 years and in all that time not a single person has had the balls to say "pack it in Vladimir, you're acting like a right cunt".

Fess up, Baws. As a patriotic Jock you'd love to chow down on that surströmming flavoured tango fringed kebab. You'd also be taking your spare keys to throw into the bowl to increase your chances. Mmmmmmmm.

I've a cunning plan to fight back against Ivan. Obviously, as a NATO member, we can't wade in, so what we need is a convenient stooge to go into bat for us... It just so happens that we have a bunch of dispensable, yellow bastards that have never stumped up for NATO protection (despite happily living behind that shield for decades) right on our doorstep that we can blackmail, with the threat of economic ruin, into fighting. Let's arm the Southern Irish with spud guns and send them into operation certain death. It's a win win without the risk of World War 3.

Wait until the revelations of key parties at Jimmy Crankie's official residence during lockdown come to light... 🤢

I suspect that most Somalis would gladly stay in their own fly infested, war torn crap hole than move to Sunderland.

If a foreign power threatened to invade Sunderland there would be no appeasement or waving of meaningless bits of paper. The government would, and should, laugh and tell the other party that they're welcome to it, fill your boots. I suspect the benefits paid to Sunderland residents alone would cripple the economy of a mid-ranking GDP economy.

Really? I wish I'd thought of that.

The whole world is going mad. Putin is engaging in dangerous Khrushchev type brinksmanship that risks tipping the world into a shit storm and the response is somewhat ineffectual to say the least. The reaction of the world's 5th largest economy to this overt aggression is to announce sanctions against a small number of Russian banks and a few Russian oligarchs, the latter of which were sanctioned an age ago by the US, meaning they already have all their cash hidden where it's untouchable. Russia quakes in its boots. Not. Meanwhile, Germany announces that Nordstream 2 won't receive its permits, for now. The result - gas prices leap 8%, thereby massively swelling the coffers of the world's second largest gas producer and the bank balances of Putin's chums and government colleagues. Russia says thanks very much and laughs when German pensioners freeze to death next winter. Everyone becomes poorer via stock markets reacting badly, wiping billions off the values of pension funds. The average Russian is driven further into poverty as a result of the devaluing rouble, but they still support this dictator because of their ingrained nationalism and the misinformation they are spoon fed daily. All this aggro over a frigid, partly irradiated shit hole that no one really gives fuck about. The worst part is that this was all entirely predicatable because the whole world just rolled over when Crimea was annexed, thereby emboldening the aggressor. As a avid student of history and a master of double standards, expect to soon see Boris agree to handover the entire Luhansk and Donetsk regions to Russia in exchange for de-escalation whilst reaffirming the absolute sanctity of Ukrainian sovereignty and self determination with some added waffle about 'peace in our time'.