Dyslexic cnut

Rub it out and start it again. Top perv, Branson. I was shagging a stunner, 6 stone ago. She joined Virgin and Ritchie-boy turned up at many ‘wings ceremonies’ whereby tasty tarts passed their cabin crew courses. No fucking about with Branson, no brushing against their tits…as she said…’he basically fingered all of us through our knickers.’ My kind of entrepreneur.

Got close, late 70’s. Bit rank if I’m being brutal. Nice girl though. I did lick her mole.

She’s retorting at 8pm and has been all day. As the Spanish say…El Rattlero, or some such.

Erm, hands up…I’ve never actually fingered Lyndsey de Paul. Daft cow!

Would that be a salt water minnow?

Congratulations on not geographically embarrassing yourself (you do have form,) however, as a car-designing, MENSA know-all dentist, perhaps the suggestion that carbon-fibre and titanium alloy is currently ‘rotting’ make you look like something of a cunt? Any thoughts…standing-by for the inevitable ‘further?’

This is a Saucepants level meltdown. It’s a beautiful thing to witness and, quite frankly…I couldn’t be happier. You stupid old menopausal cuntess. As for my career, shoulder injury and wife…sometimes I lie. Dopey dry-quimmed bint.

Never mind this shit. Firstly, she’s not a meteorologist, she’s a disabled presenter who got the job because of a BBC initiative to promote flids. I’m sure the fact that she’s a bit tasty and, I assume has a clout had nothing to do with her success. Secondly, how the fuck do you know that she’s either ‘sweet’ or ‘charming?’ Doubtless you thought that Huw was calm, sensible, eloquent and reassuring before certain news broke. For all you know, this raspberry may, in between interpreting climatic weather systems, be shoving her stump up a 17year old trainee’s mott in the taxpayer funded BBC khazis and filming it. Are you presumptious and gullible or a bit of a filthy old bull-dyke? Explain yourself.

Wait until you get to the crematorium.

Get the fuck off my modus operandi…cunt.

So…you’re naming this movie as a cunt…am I right?

It’s fuck all to do with me. Take that back and…reported Rule 13.

Two lots of ‘ashes’ in one visit? Impressive. Thursday’s your best day to avoid rain in the NW. Then again, it is Manchester where God has a habit of urinating on during a nationwide drought! Have you seen the price of the tickets btw?😳

Probably the best ever.

I think she’ll be able to bite her way in. Standby for for an update…Cruella returns tomorrow with the, erm…booty!!

I’ll hoover the cock-loft. It could be gold or coal.

Get fucked.

Apologies, cunt…it’s locked. She called me today and said ‘it must weigh, erm, roundabout, erm, 7 stone!’ Who the fuck talks like this? It’s been in the attic for 27 years and the recently evicted tenant was Alzheimic and 95 years old. Now…last fuckin time…any ideas?

Mrs Cnut’s up in your neck of the woods. She’s sold a house up there and found an unlocked safe in the attic. The hungry cuntess has wrestled it into the back of the car and there’s something rattling inside. Any ideas. It’s in West Allotment?

Post edit and fuck off. You’re grown men ffs,

What the fuck are yooz on about? Please God, dont tell me it’s fucking Star Trek you mindless twats.

Knocked her back, early 80s. Roseanne Arquette gave her a reference when she rented our coal hole. It was a busy time for my dexterous digits, as you know, but I even I couldn’t bring myself to finger it. Put it this way, I never rented our coal hole out again. It stunk.

You’d think she’d make one of her vainglorious announcements. The last one on his unveiling was fucking hilarious. She’s losing the plot methinketh.

Looks like he’s dead. Fairplay, canny spot.

You and you alone, Gypps, are best placed to answer this question, with all due genital respect.