Cuntybaws

The "W" stands for "Wanker".

That would be no problem, as her shit almost certainly has the consistency and appearance of fluffy pink candy floss, and tastes just like strawberries & champagne. As Jimmy Carr once said of Rachel Riley, "I would crawl naked over miles of broken glass just to suck the cock of the last man who fucked her."

That's not exactly how I remember it...

Are "Friends" Eclectic?

Deported? Don't you mean set on fire? Even unto the fourth generation.

Rules? In a knife fight? No rules!

Mourning Becomes Electra.

Would it be against the rules to enquire whether this an Oedipus complex?

I’d ride her like a stolen bike.

I just did!

Uh, uh uh, uh... expelliarmus.

Move over Mike fucking D, Rick fucking B is in town.

"Spotto", you say? The name is faintly familiar, was he a member once?

^ "your" Sorry pal.

"Your cornflakes, give them to me, now!" That was my cereal rapist impression.

Just imagine how crusty they'll be by now.

Q. How do you like your eggs in the morning? A. Unfertilised.

In Porthcawl?

"Your clothes, give them to me, now!" That was my serial rapist impression.

On the plus side, with nothing else to do, I managed to beat my previous record of 38 year's standing for the most number of wanks in a weekend.

I might ordinarily have risked a reference to the battered pissflaps of a distaff relative of a fellow member, but such a reference now lies stillborn on my tongue.

Unfunny comment from Pen about Christa McAuliffe in 5-4-3-2-1...

Neville Chamberlain was a cunt.

Careful, Pen, I did the joke about being fingered by an elephant on Friday and before I knew it I was on the bread and water diet!