Jiggerycock

The only solution I'm interested in is the one I fire over my knuckles most evenings after a lively and creative session on pornhub. "Now I'm sure if we all pull together....."

You may have done all those things but have you ever hit a 5-iron to wthin, ooooh, say 90 yards of the flag in a professional golf tournament? Because it's that sort of shit that seems to send some people into a whooping and hollering 'Get in the hole-ing!' state of near combustion. You're not punkape are you?

Since England got turned over in the Rugby last week, there are whole swathes of the middle classes trying to claim some kind of Celtic lineage. It'll be even worse when the Convicts do a number on them this Saturday and everyone heads down to Earls Cross to sink a few 'tinnies' with their Antipodean kith and kin.

Yeah - just as the next generation of Crack and PCP-weaned children are hitting their twenties. It's gonna be great!!

Another load of navel gazing drivel. Who the fuck is Frank? Fuck Frank!

That's probably why he moves in a mysterious way - must be the friction. That's probably why he moves in a mysterious way - must be the friction.

What is it with this little pillock? He was a World Champion as a teenager (but doesn't appear to have kicked on from there). He won a bronze medal at the London 2012 Olympics (Michael Jamieson won a silver in the swimming and Team GB actually won 29 event gold medals and 17 silver) and he's got a low percentage bodyfat. Other than that he's completely unremarkable and, as an athlete, decent enough but not really all that. Oh but he's gay so, like Gareth Thomas (another decent but largely forgettable sportsman) that confers sainthood on him and the notion we want to have every nook and cranny of his life paraded in front of us, simply by virtue of that fact. So there you go kids!Fall just short of the very top level as an athlete, but if you're gay, ride that gravy train for the rest of eternity!!

You BASTARD!!!! You said you wouldn't tell anyone - that was the only reason I showed it to you!!

I had EXACTLY the same issue after I consumed 3 litres of Whey Protein Shake on top of an anabolic megapack and 6 amino-acid concentrates, whilst halfway through my latest Dianabol (with Probenacidas masking agent - you never know when those testers are going to knock on your door, the chiselling twatters!) stacking cycle. Did all that, went to the gym - damn near ripped my Chunk off at the prostate I was that ennervated! Anyone else report similar findings?

Ivan once again showing the way. Time for Obama, Cameron and the rest to get their pricks out the custard and lay waste to the entire fucking area!

Alopecia? Terminal cancer?

Can't we settle up with them once we've been paid out by the Romans? What sort of supposed proud, free, independent country wants to keep thrusting the begging bowl before the former colonial master?

Isn't that a photoshoot of 'America Must Be Destroyed' era GWAR?

Maybe they're trying to be badass. You know. Like when most people get to close to a fire, it burns them once and they never go near it again if they're sensible. Maybe these Bowallahs, after seeing their buddy reduced to jam after Samit had a sudden urgent meeting with 2 tons of internal combustion engine and chassis, go 'Yeah motherfucker? That all you got? Fuck you, you metal and composite piece of shit - gonna kick your fuckin' arse this time!'

She that chippy SNP MP? Seems a bit harsh, even so.

Google 'Great Pacific Garbage Patch' Then understand that the first plastic bag ever made will still be inexistence long after you and I have shuffled off this mortal coil and that maybe 5 pence might just force people to at least consider re-using these toxic death traps. Save The Sea Turtle, man!

What, now you would? Anyway, death is the final taboo and this whole 'never speaking ill of the dead' means Cilla Black can get away with deification, the second she carks it, and we'll draw a veil over her total loathing of Liverpool, her 'scally from our alley' schtik and her well-documented air of superiority when having to integrate with 'civilians'. Not Savile though! He was a cunt whatever way you slice it.

I had - both in person, via the school and parish council meetings (see! I can function as a normal member of society with the correct stimulus, drug regime and the love of a good woman!) But, means justifying ends and all that, they never parked their 4x4's there again.

How do we feel about the yummy mummies that park on the pavement outside my youngest's primary school, forcing the kids to walk on a busy road. How do we feel about meeting out summary justice to them in the form of a keying down the side of their gas-guzzling HumVee's they deem necessary to port Adam and Jocasta the 500 yards from home to school in? Well fuck you - they got it anyway!

Hell yeah! Especially when everyone knows the answer is 'Toxteth O'Grady' whatever the question!

Yeah - like I said a gobby minority. Maybe I should have prefaced 'gobby minority' with 'no-platform, knee-jerk, painfully right on....' ....and I know all about Selly Oak Hospital, thanks very much

A sage and timely nomination if ever there was one, tarnished only slightly by the lack of realisation that prime time television long since gave way to the sausage-jockey. Strictly Cum Catching is merely the preliminary rimming (if you will) to the switch over at 8.00 p.m. to the full-on felch-fest that is the Rugby.

A symbiotic relationship akin to a dung beetle clearing up after an Elephant takes a dump in the African rain forest. They need the smug ponce. He needs the snaggle-toothed yokels. Mercifully this shit is corralled onto daytime television, where human beings are unlikely to be watching.

Well yes. Either that or a wholesale attitude readjustment reference gobby minorities who think they can boss the show.

Yes 'the car as adjunct to home or office' syndrome that enables the driver to feel they are able to dick around doing all manner of irrelevant stuff - now a phone call, now applying some hair product, now writing a haiku - instead of concentrating on getting off the starting grid faster than last nights Chicken Phall exiting my chuff.