Roadkill

I'd fix it in a day. Just can't be arsed.

London is already lost. Has been for decades. I've never been, but I've seen videos of those entire areas blanketed with advertising in squiggly sand-monkey script where every cunt is dressed like a brown Dumbledore or Islam Dalek. The mayor reflects the dominant majority well, as does the Prime Minister for that matter. You can't point it out though, that's racist. Can't counter protest any of their organised tantrums that they've cunningly planned on a national day of remembrance either. That's racist, that is. Of course they haven't planned the entire thing just to rub it in how little they respect the native culture of the country they're residing in - in fact I bet every single one of them personally knows a dirty baby trapped in a Gaza hospital and feels really really upset. I suppose we've only got ourselves to blame. Whitey got all uppity after two world wars and started demanding shit like a National Health Service and livable wages. Just not sustainable if Rishi has to turn the heat off in his swimming pool one day of the week after 10pm. These new fuckers can have the run of the place as long as they're content living twelve to a room and making £2 a day.

Nope. All shite.

Ah, but it does rank. Welcome back

Sometimes, he lies.

I'm just saying it's rather suspicious that a magazine that I've never seen someone under the age of sixty five and not in a hospital bed read has survived for so long with such a fragile demographic. There's something dark going on there behind the scenes, could be human trafficking, could be drug cartels, could be a secret society pulling at the strings of various political and religious conflicts to serve some hidden agenda. I wouldn't rule them out is all I'm saying.

It's a bunch of Jews dropped in the middle of a sandy desert shit hole populated by sand monkeys eighty years ago. A shit hole that has been known as a staging point for religious conflict for thousands of years. There doesn't really need to be a hidden hand pulling the strings behind the scenes for things to go tits up. The fucking Reader's Digest fan club could "manipulate" these cunts into killing each other

The internet, somewhere, probably.

Interesting story, but you don't really need magical, future predicting letters from the past to realise two groups of cunts using their gullible masses as cannon fodder for territorial gains. Both parties will happily kill anyone even remotely connected to one or the other, up to and including the sick, elderly or even children and both parties are more than happy to use such casualties to solicit sympathy and support towards their main objective - which is the complete annihilation of their enemy. They're all cunts. I genuinely don't understand why either side is considered worthy of sympathy or even attention.

Anything up to a black bear. Prius isn't a weapon - it's transport.

One very old golden retriever bit me in the face when I was little. Probably because she wanted to sleep and I was being an annoying eight year old and trying to get her to play, so not really the dog's fault - in hindsight I'd have clouted me, too. Now, cats? Cats are maniac cunts who'll just bite you to hear you scream. If those fuckers were as big as dogs we'd all be fucked, including the dogs. I genuinely think the current dog witch hunt has been brought about by cunts getting them during the pandemic and having no clue how to raise them properly - a fucking Staffie bit a baby a few days back - anyone who's been around that breed knows they're the kindest, stupidest idiots going as long as they're brought up right, especially around young children who they adore and would usually protect with their lives. The simple fact of the matter is that most of these owners should be relegated to goldfish ownership only - there'd probably be a drastic rise in incidents of kids drowning in fish tanks, but at least the fish won't be held responsible.

Something is definitely wrong if it turned into a cunt.

Pikachu is an overrated little flagship bitch. Go for an Electrode or Magnamite and suicide bomb the cunt. I completely forgot you could drop them of at the care center - I think in the later games you can drop off two and they'll shag if they're male and female. I got some weird fire snail thing that way.

I know the name, not the show. All the old shite was played on a channel called Boomerang on the cable when I was growing up. Wacky Races and Catch the Pigeon were the dogs bollocks.

It's a Japanese thing. A lot of their "mystical" characters were portrayed like this in the 90's and 2000's because they think fuzzy wuzzies have magical powers. Western influence has killed the tradition off a bit, but you do still get the odd full on gollywog depictions sometimes.

Ninja Turtles my arse. You're of the Danger Mouse and Flintstones generation or you have no fucking right to act as old and grumpy as you do.

In the cartoon, all Pokémon would communicate by repeating their names in high pitched voices - I can still hear this Mr. Mime cunt twenty years after ever seeing the cunt.

Psychic types were fucking weird:

I was ten years old and had a GameBoy. Just like you probably remember most of the names of cartoon characters you haven't watched in years, I can remember some of the mechanics of a children's game I haven't played for years. It's quite simple - Pokémon are assigned a "type" like water, fire, electric, ground or whatever and the rest of the game is just making your own creatures stronger and using them at the right time against types that are weak to theirs - like rock paper scissors, but with cockfighting.

He's ground, isn't he? Drown the little cunt. Get a Magicarp and place it at the front of your team, switch him out at the start of each fight until the useless cunt evolves into the sea dragon thing.

Fucking speed camera warnings. You think they would be handy, but why the fuck they deemed it necessary to put one in a fucking Prius that wails like a banshee if you try and hold it at 70 anyway, I don't know. It goes off with an audible "BING!" that sounds regardless of whether you're below or above the speed limit and automatically adjusts in volume in order to be heard over the radio system - so if you're blasting some Def Leppard or Rush you'll suddenly find yourself reenacting the bit where Tom Hanks gets his helmet blown off in Saving Private Ryan and wanders about deaf and dazed for a bit if you're approaching a speed camera. I wouldn't mind if the rest of the car wasn't a cunt, but I recently found out that the only way to adjust the headlights is to pull over, open the bonnet, and adjust the lamps manually with a screwdriver - it insists I use the same "automatic high beam" system that @Cunty BigBollox recently mentioned - which I simply don't trust and wouldn't even be needed if I was allowed to adjust the low beams from the driver's seat whilst driving.

My car has an automatic parking mode. Only ever used it once or twice because the actual process of getting it to understand what you want is about as complicated as docking the Titanic to the ISS. Very impressive watching the wheel spin itself as you control the accelerator and brakes, but you'd never get it set up faster than just doing it yourself or just finding somewhere else to park. Reverse cameras you can somewhat justify for bigger vans or busses, but not a fucking family hatchback.

I just miss the simple convenience of being able to smack into walls and bollards to make sure I was parked properly. The whole front end of the Prius is plastic and aluminium - you can literally change the shape of the bumper by pressing on it with one finger - so I don't trust it not to crumple like a can and engage every airbag and safety feature at the slightest touch. Cars might have gotten safer for the occupants but they're certainly less likely to survive relatively minor bumps in a drivable condition.

Would you, Neil?

Hitler's mam probably told him that every night before she tucked him in.