and

Did you notice Amanda Holden's gaffe on This Morning? She was actually wearing knickers, for a change!

All phones are cunts !

It doesn't really, I almost broke my neck after slipping on some stray jizz while peering through the neighbour's back windows, watching his Mrs do the ironing in the nude, what a cunt, literally !

Even worse is limp and sweaty, a bit like Frank's cock, or so Miss P tells me...

I have a small penis, but that's ok, I only fuck women with tight cunts.

Buy a fuckin' magnifying glass you skinflint cunt !

It's when your bell-end scrapes past the tonsils, just before you let fly with the cock custard.

Jamie Harron, from Stirling, Scotland, was arrested in July over the incident in which he said he put his hand on a man’s hip to avoid spilling a drink in a crowded bar. So this poor cunt gets banged-up for three months for 'accidentally' touching another bloke's hip. Christ knows what he would have got if he'd 'accidentally' and 'unavoidably' slipped his finger into a womans gussett on one of our overcrowded train carriages...

Oh dear...

Speaking of funny eyed cunts, I ain't forgiven that twat Gordon Brown for bowing to the EU and taking it up the arse for allowing light-bulbs over 100 watts to be banned, now I can't even read my wank mags in the gloom generated by one of those energy saving 10 watt bulbs. In the kingdom of the blind, that one eyed cunt, Brown, was king

Next to the cat, guinea pig and rabbit that I 'experimented' on when I was a child...

I'm in total awe of that woman, she must have balls the size of melons (she certainly ain't got any on her chest) to hang around those war zones waiting to have her tits blown off.

'so the gays run rampant', quite literally in this competition...

I was Mr. Orange, Quentin Tarantino's a cunt !

No, they're the ones awaiting burial that I keep in my feezer.

Oh Manchester, so much to answer for...

At least 50 people have been killed and another 200 have been injured in a mass shooting at a Las Vegas concert. A gunman, named as 64-year-old Stephen Paddock, opened fire from the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay Hotel toward an open-air Cuntry music festival. FFS, what is the world coming to? I'm no fan of Cuntry music, and it looks well gay if Johnny boy is anything to go by, but to massacre a bunch of cow-pokers for enjoying a bit of a sing song while dressed in their finest Village People gear is going a bit too far if you ask me. He could've politely asked Travolta to turn the fucking noise down a touch before deciding to open fire with his AK47, what a selfish cunt.

He hasn't set foot in a church since Father O'Grady taught him how to reach the high C, while performing with the choir, by stretching his anus to unfathomable extremes.

I've tried, but all the women I meet appear to be frigid ;-(

I was going to marry myself, but I'm saving myself for someone more appreciative of my beauty and talents.

Bullshit, that cunt is acting, and not too good at it either.

Abortion should be on demand, I demand it for the world, for ever !

If there's anything to do with Brexit that makes my piss boil it's that sozzled old cunt, Jean Claude Junkers, and if ever there was a cunt intoxicated by his own self importance it's this fucking Euro cunting clown. Nigel Farage has a lot to answer for, but his biggest crime was not assassinating Jean Claude Junkers while he had the chance. The EU must die, and soon !

I've just bought a Meghan Markle duvet, I will be putting the icing on those pert nipples ASAP ;-)

I wouldn't bother going abroad, it's full of foreign cunts.