Rev

Pigeons are cunts. They're just a poor man's seagull (another cunt) in Primark feathers and with flatter tits.

I always thought this Rylan cunt with the electric blue teeth was Katie Price in drag, dressing up as a fucking poof, until she suddenly turned into a fat bastard. As a mincing denizen of the arsehole-end of celebrity, it should come as no surprise that I want the cunt dead.

I can assure you, Mrs R, my intentions were anything but guiltless, innocent or virtuous.

I for one, certainly always appreciated and eagerly awaited your images with breathless anticipation, Mrs R. I'd be happier still if you despatched a few dozen wipe-easy laminates for my personal perusal by return post.

I remember the last time you were there, you knocked up a very accurate sketch of cuntwad, klefto. Good evening.

Much like my very good self, she made top of the range guitars sound extraordinarily shite. However, she's a fucking equine-looking bucket-fanny cunt of truly Olympic magnitude and looks like she smells of goat piss. The chase is the process that'll facilitate her shitting her arse in fear. Feeding her feet-first through a bark-stripper slowly until it drags at her knees is but a fleeting and momentary pleasure, but necessary nonetheless. I want her dead.

To be honest, she looks like Aerosmith's house arse-butler Steven Tyler after a scrub, but probably with a bigger cock. They could brighten up this homosexual ball-game by having naked female jelly and peanut butter wrestling in an inflatable pool. I nominate Esther McVey and Caroline Flint as the first two cuntestants and an equally naked Lucy Verasamy as the ring girl. I'll supply the Fisting Butter. This Konta cunt can fuck off. I want her dead.

I liked Poison in a Pretty Pill. Apart from showcasing Penny Rimbaud's quite astonishingly shite quasi-militaristic drumming, it was probably Eve's high point in Crass.

In her heyday, Gaye Advert was stunning. Unfortunately, she is now a magnolia-toothed council worker and therefore, I would very definitely wish her dead. I spoke to Ari fleetingly about a year before she died. I'd have still given her the good news and she fucking knew it. Her trousers mysteriously fell off on stage shortly thereafter, followed by the elastic in her under-cludgers. I'd post a picture of Ms Advert, but it won't bastard let me. Crass were really hippies that were attached to the punk movement, but yes, I'd have fucked the shit out of Eve Libertine too.

Fuck, I used to like the Adverts a very fucking long time ago. Still have Gary Gilmour's Eyes and Television's Over on picture cover vinyl somewhere. Although that said, TV Smith is still a cunt and in keeping true to my philosophy, I want him dead.

Yeah....she can fuck off with all that hard to get pish and get her tits out for a good airing.

I watched this lank-haired scrotum barracking and hectoring every cunt on the dais, wearing a piss-soaked psychedelic shirt that went out of fashion before Syd Barrett became a cunt. What the leftie cockthistles at the BBC should have done is have security drag this anally-birthed snowflake pansy out of the hall by his foreskin and electrocuted the cunt.

Agreed. Away from the cameras, I have a gut feeling that old Carol is more than dexterous at emptying a bloke's clock-weights and might be a bit of a screamer under the covers; whereas the Dent cunt would have one eye on her thesaurus, while queefing her vaginal halitosis into your face.

Yeah. The Dent cunt doesn't look like she washes very regularly and always has fucking greasy hair. I can only assume that she goes through a fucking weekly lorry-load of Febreze to keep her sweaty ham curtains fresh and suspect they'll just dangle like a pair of asymmetrical gammon hangers and constantly drip and ooze with her pungent paraurethral fluid. Carol on the other hand, I'd fuck the living piss out of and motorboat the fuck out of her norks until I blackened both eyes. The Dent sow needs set on fire. I want her dead.

The Deeley cunt has a nose like Barry fucking Norman. Her face can point straight ahead, but her bastard nose is at 3 o'clock. I wouldn't stick the boot in the fucking amphibian-looking cunt. She can fuck right off. The Kielty bastard will never be the man his mother was either. I want them dead.

I don't watch Tennis; it's a fucking poof's game...a bit like football. That charisma-resistant cunt-blister Murray and his fucking reptilian man-mother could be turned into a coarse pâté in a head-on collision for all I fucking care. They give us Jock cunts a bad name. I want them dead.

Run out of fucking likes already. That's one I owe you.

If I was bisexual, I'd be eating flap-jacks for breakfast, tying my hair in a man-bun, growing a bugger's-grips moustache and wanking over Judy Garland's foetid corpse. Sorry to disappoint.

My middle daughter works part-time in Arsebucks while she's at uni. The fucking dregs she has to work with there have the collective IQ of a fucking Toblerone. One of the cunts is a mincing twink who introduces himself as a gender-neutral, non-binary "person", who has "bad mental health days" on a constant basis. He claims he got to Round 2 in some pansy fucking shithouse TV talent show a while back, wears lipstick and women's underwear for his Facebook profile and is a whining bitch. He tried to publicly humiliate my daughter a few months back, so I threatened to rip his fucking Jacobs off at the till and rag-doll the cunt all over the foyer. Fucking bellend burst into tears. Cunt.

If I was given a bottle of Stolichnaya, I'd probably fuck that urine-drinking cunt Caroline Lucas. It'd likely have to be up her crusty dung-hatch, so she could be at one with the soil, and all that save the hedgehog pish. Mind, she'd need to brush her fucking teeth first

The facts : a - 300,000 middle-class nose-ringed, blue-haired eco-warrior, whale-felching cocksuckers pay up to £240 per ticket. b - Leave so much fucking non bio-degradable rubbish that the clean-up bill exceeds £785,000. c - Fuck off. d - Cunts. e - I want them dead.

Yeah. Can't be bothered looking after their kids, can't be arsed peeling their spuds. They should be fucking electrocuted. Then set on fire, the pair of cunts. I'm undecided if I'd back-scuttle Kate posthumously, or make her tea-bag me before I hook the wistful-looking cow up to a diesel locomotive's power source. I'm all about giving.

If the Jewish-boxer-nosed sow wanted to be topical and have a bit of class, she could have double-barrelled the little bastard's name; for instance Geordie Whore Slapper-Cunt. I never found the bucket-fanny cunt attractive anyway and she'll have a clunge as slack as a ghillie's wader after fucking every continent dry by now. I'd have fucked the paraurethral ducts out of Kimberley Walsh though, if that helps.

This pair of puddle-drinking bastards have probably made as much fucking money from their daughter as the Rowling cunt made out of her short-sighted wizard poof, Harvey Proctor. They must have sold more fucking T-shirts than Motörhead by now and their chips are still shite. Wankers. I want them dead.

Is this wrong then?