Decimus

My hero. Fucking beautiful x

Not through lack of trying. However, I imagine that your micropenis and vestigial testicles are incapable of summoning any semen to marinate the Big Tasty burger with.

I've not been in the game long enough to become an institutionalised buffet buccaneer. You've got to get up pretty fucking early in the morning if you want to eat anything but crumbs when you're in a room full of cunts with Unison clipboards who have caught the scent of free food.

I've got sweetcorn on the end of my stick from fucking (insert Baws family member) up the shit pipe.

On a work course in Essex today, (Pontlands Park, Proper?) and as standard the buffet has brought out the worst in people. Public sector workers love a freebee, but even by their low standards, I've been absolutely fucking appalled by the behaviour today. Within a second of its arrival, a swarming horde of wheezing planning and environmental health officers descended upon it like a plague of fucking locusts. Some cunts have made three visists, whilst loudly declaring they won't be eating tonight, and that the kids will be fed on the leftovers that they have shovelled into their fucking handbags. By the time the obese masses had retired to their conference chairs to slip into a diabetic coma, there was one solitary scotch egg and two tuna sandwiches left. Fucking disgraceful.

Dead Dad, the most effectual Dead Dad, whose intellectual Close friends get to call him D.D.

Grouse and pheasant hunting are a vital part of the rural economy, and contribute millions of pounds each year into the British exchequer. If I had my way, useless habitats and species such as eagles, hawks and falcons would be culled into extinction. I'd much rather a thriving countryside than a situation where we pander to a small subsection of sinister binocular waving perverts who like staring at birds but not paying for the privilege. As far as I'm concerned, the likes of you and Bill Oddie can shove your Thermos flasks up your arses and make do with the National Geographic channel.

Fucking amen.

Does bipolar actually exist in your opinion? I always assumed it was just used as an excuse to act like utter cunts by high maintenance fucking slags who can't control their tempers. The sort of tarts who have realised that screaming and stamping their feet like little cunts can only be blamed on PMT a couple of days each month. I blame the husbands of these harridans. If they received regular hidings at home they wouldn't ever dare think that their feelings or emotions mattered.

I would have thought that you'd have pounced upon the genetic links between Bretons and the Welsh in order to demonstrate another pathetic attempt at humour. You've lost your edge.

All American sports tend to share a common theme. They're bent as fuck, bastardised forms of British games designed primarily for school girls, and no one knows what the fuck is going on.

Stubby, what with your recent pronouncements of vitriolitic racist bile, I sincerely doubt that you opposed Brexit. I've got an image of you in my minds eye on that fateful election night. As soon as the results were in, I've got absolutely no doubt that you whacked on the birdy song with glee and attempted to get as low to the floor of your union flag daubed carpet as your disgustingly fat stomach would let you.

Rollo, the good news is that I like you. The bad news is that Stubby appears to be attempting to take you under his pendulous bingo wing. I suggest you read our respective back catalogue of posts and then nail your colours to one of our masts. It can't be both, as I hate him with every inch of my being.

This sort of lackadaisical attitude towards punctuation really is inexcusable. Thick cunt.

Rattled.

You really are the most boring cunt to ever inflict their presence on this noble site. I say this as someone who has suffered the likes of Andy Burnett, Apple, Pen, Camberwell Gypsy and Gronda Gronda.

Even you wouldn't fuck the primordial sub-human beasts I work with, Neil. If you did decide to lower your already disgustingly perverted standards, I'm not even sure they've evolved a mammalian reproductive system to enable you to do the deed.

Quality nomination. It's bad enough when a minimum wage secretary fills up her rancid uterus and swans off for the best part of a fucking year, leaving her colleagues to pick up the pieces whilst she bores every cunt to tears with photos of her foetal alcohol syndrome afflicted brat. For the leader of a country to carelessly allow someone to spaff in her cunt instead of over her face is tantamount to treason. She should be immediately removed from office, once these tarts get a taste for maternity leave, they start popping out kids every other year.

Oh...

Bender has suggested that I give you your clique P45. You're on thin fucking ice and Edward is waiting eagerly in the wings.

I've read a few articles online today fawning over this gormless spawn of an Arab-fucking slut. First off, he's been visiting sick children in a hospital in-lieu of working a proper 9-5 job. The likes of The Sun and The Torygraph are obsequious in the extreme, as if the kids actually want him there breathing his truffle and guinea fowl breath over them, and assuming that he's attended for any other reason than a photo opportunity. Secondly, he is being congratulated on his "daring buzz cut". I'm not sure what the Royalist readership of a filthy red-top rag consider this to be, but in my opinion, it's not the hair cut of an ugly bald cunt who has simply trimmed the sparse side whispers of his already largely hairless bonce.

Ghastly.

She's holed Bill below the waterline, that much is undeniable. Although, if he is any sort of clique member, even a runt, all he needs to do is trawl the archives at our HQ to find ample material to land a TKO.