Decimus

The most simple solution would be to wrap the cord around your throat and hang yourself.

Tim Farron is my cunt of the moment. A despicable bible-bashing tosspot.

Not Blair's finest moment, Farage in this instance was spot on in calling out his support of Turkey, which was no doubt influenced by American pressure at the time. I've made no secret of my admiration of Mr. B and I realise I'm probably a lone voice on this site with regards to it, but his stance on the Turks was a fucking disgrace.

Corrrr, you naughty cunt. Yummy.

Shut your cunting mouth, you stupid fucking French cunt.

It's a well known fact that I'm in charge of the 343 bottle banks within our district. My acquaintance with Drew began when I discovered him face down and semi-conscious in the Yarmouth branch of Aldi's bottle bank, desperately sucking at the dregs of am empty K-Cider vessel. He's made similar subsequent appearances at 156 receptacles on my patch.

Reported for polluting the planet and killing the bees and whales. Reported for being racist. Reported for being sexist. Wolf, I've sorted it.

You construct your sentences with the similar amount of care that you afford the heavily stained raping mattress that you casually chuck into the back of your van on most evenings. Anyway, welcome, you're not Albert fucking Ross so you'll do for me.

You haven't seen anything yet. When and if the floodgates are opened up to admit 80 million Turks, the continent will implode. I voted remain, but I'll thank everyone that voted leave if Turkey is ever admitted, for saving the country from being saturated with the barbaric, backward scum that inhabit that festering shit hole.

I'm afraid that Proper has got me on tag, so I'm unable to comment on whether Albert is shit or not (a clue: he is). As he is currently untouchable, you can consider him to be under my wing. Any attack on young Ross I will consider as an attack upon myself, so unless you want a fucking good hiding, I suggest that you cease this nonsense immediately.

Eric, upon further consideration I'm relegating Quincy (coked up) from my top ten to languish with Quincy (sober) in the lower echelons of the site. You're in the big leagues now, son.

The last thing your 55 inch waist and terminally impotent cock needs are cigarettes.

Although I'm a smoker, I've given you a like for the near perfect execution and the pot noodle reference. Sadly, although my council building is surrounded by a perma-ring of fat unemployed benefit claimants blowing smoke into their childrens prams, as an employee, my Bensons and I have been exiled to a sort of Gulag area behind the industrial waste collection point. It brings back happy memories of illicitly going two's on a roll up behind the bins at school, but sadly as of yet no one has been fingered whilst on their period. Whilst I agree that it's unfair to inflict a dirty habit on a unwilling person, I feel that an honourable mention needs to go out to the sort of cunt who as soon as they enter a 60ft radius of a smoker in a beer garden, begins to maniacally cough and wheeze like some sort of perpetually enraged Welsh miner.

Never mind all that shit, when exactly did you become the creative fashion director at H&M?

Repeat bollocks? Maybe. But after scraping the bottom of Proper's barrel, I've only managed to find a piss poor, two-sentenced nomination about Farage in the archives, with no replies. The cunt is a complete fucking nonentity in the political world, and his impact on world events have so far been limited to gratuitous Murdoch empire tabloid pictures of him gurning in some shit-hole Kentish pub. Despite the fact that his biggest achievement thus far is having a neck like a constipated velociraptor and a similarly Amphibianesque, bulging eyed face, the cancerous cunt continues to pervade our screens. The little England twat now seems to believe that he can have some sort of impact on Brexit negotiatons by engaging with Michael Barnier as if he was some sort of domestically elected EU tsar. He is a complete fucking irrelevance and an unelectable fucking buffoon who should fuck off out of the country as soon as his kraut slag of a wife is deported. I seem to also remember he thought that he could influence Trump when it came to Britain, but even that coiffed fucking moron realised that it's useless talking to a monkey's parasitic worm when the organ grinder was already willing to suck his dick for a trade deal.

Albers, I'm afraid that Proper has made it clear to me that we aren't allowed to spar for the foreseeable future. In the absence of being my new Ding toy, perhaps you'd like to alternatively butter me up with a few likes?

You'll not get in my top ten with that sort of attitude.

Albert, please don't take this the wrong way, but it needs to be said. You are absolutely fucking shit.

I would have thought that it would have taken a full platoon of marines to hold you back from attending, Neil. It's got all of your favourite things. Emotionally fragile, drunken women, and as many Iceland prawn rings and sausage rolls that you can shove into your fat fucking gob in one sitting.

I don't think I like your tone..

GG is making you look like a right fucking cunt. What are you going to do about it?

There's going to be a cabinet reshuffle today as well. It's anticipated that there will be more MP's from ethnic minorities and women in top positions. Thank fuck for that, who needs the best man for the job when you can run the country on a quota system where periods mean prizes. A turban these days automatically qualifies one to be chancellor of the exchequer despite only having prior experience of a bartering economy involving goats and child brides.

Idiot.

It's good to have you, Withers, even if it's just for the day.