Hokey Gingers

Apparently paying a compliment to the opposite sex can now be demeaning and worthy of a very public shaming or so says human rights lawyer Charlotte Proudman, brunette, 27, 36/26/36. Gyps you look stunning too as do you Gobby in an unconventional sense. Please don`t take offence or sue.

Gongers is going to be gutted, he bought one of his old baseball caps off the Bay as an investment.

Be nice you cunt, you reached me that on a plate.

Your group of friends, were they dressed like the village people? A copper, a red indian, construction worker and a bloke in leathers ?Were you given a kebab at any stage of the evening? I`m pretty sure i`ve saw footage of this on a niche website somewhere. If memory serves your arsehole was like a fresh bullet wound.

You`d have to be up early to get one over on this chap, he`s like a fucking coiled spring.

I think Naga is a fine looking filly although when she drawls "........thannks...Carrroooll " through her hooter at 6.48am it`s like a fucking plasma cutter on my ears. Lovely lass apart from that.

Pretty sure we booked her last Friday for Dave`s stag do. I`d recognise those cankles anywhere.

The Syrian climate is lovely this time of year. If the lady or any of her kids can weld they`re opportunities for welders and panel beaters out there. It says " Free Range. Size Large. Best before end." somewhere in the vid. See if you can spot it.

I`m just glad the moneysupermarket prancing poof ad has given way to the relatively tasteful obese scaffolder / builder / cunt or whatever the fuck he is pole dancer advert. Go Compare was a breath of fresh air compared to that other tripe. In fact comparing one ad against the other like that was like comparing Rolf Harr.....

Not good is it. They`re talking about separate train carriages for men and women due to the huge rise in sexual assaults. I know they have that in India as i watched a programme on it the other night. If you can`t keep your urges in check it seems the logical way to go i suppose. Either that or Alfie`s pruners.

That`s harsh Bill, very harsh. No, the good news is Float of the day goes to Glasgow Borough Council for their fleet of bin lorries.

You`d think with all his dough he`d get that fucking underbite fixed but maybe that`s his trademark, like Ken Dodd`s teeth or Stevie Wonders dark glasses. Come to think of it his missus is so morbidly overarsed it`s must be like a freakshow around their place which will stand them in good stead in their race for publicity, i mean the White House.

Agreed. I`ve always thought Martin McGuinness would be an ideal replacement for Dominique and i`d hazard a higher success ratio.

They are being honoured today in a ceremony and presented with France`s highest bravery award, the Ordeur de Reebok. Pictured wearing their award a proud Frency.

No change there then. If my old grandad was alive ...............

"...and here come the great man now, around the final bend, the greatest person ever to draw breath, heart surgeons are cunts compared to this great man, he`s worth a plane load of them, God i wish i was gay and have his huge flopping ......." "For Fucks sake Brendan....."

Gym goers are amoung the dullest most unimaginative fuckers you`ll ever meet in this life, and that goes for both sexes i`m afraid to say. I suppose in the age of the selfie and the attention seeker it`s fucking fantastic telling all your workmates about how great you are and even a lowly arsehole like you can feel like a Kardasian for 10 minutes. However in fifty years time a bunch of faintly familiar strangers will congregate around your bed with one thought foremost on their minds. "Would you ever just fucking die you old bastard, we`re missing the rollerblading to be here."

Try a course of charcoal tablets Spotters or attach double sided sticky tape to an odour eater. I think its working as no one has said anything.

The Chinese are building a couple of storage warehouses there apparently.

This gentleman needs decked out in an Uncle Sam costume and a parachute and kicked out the back of a Hercules over Raqqa . An empty evil bastard.

Never liked the cunt, he seems a borderline hunchback and a person who never seems to fit in his clothes properly, but thats the Dutch for you. Frank Rijkaard was a disgrace.

The cunt looks like a suicide bomber has went off beside her. Surely to fuck she`s colour blind?

When your sad and feeling blue Wait to the pilot goes to the loo....

Taffy cunts.

If you ever try a bottle of Rolling Rock here`s a top tip. Bring it out of the fridge. Let it stand for a few minutes. Proceed to lick the bottle condensation. Repeat until para. Trust me, you`ll save time and you`ll get a better buzz off the condensation than you will off the beer. Fucking lamentable brew.