Frank

I recall the halcyon days of the suburban terrace with quaint little front gardens, winding footpaths and herbaceous borders. We'd go to the Berni Inn every Sunday up in Old Redding and then throw wet paper towels at the windows of the Pakistanis at number 14.

Everyone wants a piece of Frank, Ed. I'm about to board but I'll make sure to give you a like.

Stumped.

Alf. Idiot.

Almost the entire membership dislike you. Leave before you're pushed. When I return in 3 weeks, I'll expect you to be gone.

Reported. Twice in the same thread, you vile humourless cunt.

Idiot.

Eddie you really are revolting.

Let's dance, jelly..

tl;dr

Tot I'm sitting in some ficking awful curry house in the middle of nowhere. Would you be interested in buying my north London letting agency? I'm done with people.

Stubby I owe you an apology. I don't usually play to the cheap seats, and certainly never mock those less fortunate than me. I probably drank a little too much. Emotions were running high, and when Decs threw a couple of likes my way, it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Mingeeta is quite capable of wiping his own bum. It's tea time where he struggles.

I remember it well. He was on an absolute high and I fucked him right up his bum. I miss him.

Stubby has a Downs sibling.. you heartless fuck.

I look gorgeous bubs. I'll send you a pic.

I've just stood at the mirror for at least 20 minutes adjusting my pocket square.

Ed I'm drunk. Shit.

Pen I'm taking delivery of the new Sunseeker this weekend. Drinks at Poole harbour?

I bought a brown linen suit in Richard James this afternoon. Beautiful with the lattice Bottega Veneta unlined chukka. What you wearing this summer?

Never mind. I'm really very fond of you Jackie.

The other day you might recall that I asked how close you were to the Grenfell.. hoping we'd pick up from where we left off. Your response was poor.

What did you study at uni, Jackie. Can you offer any sound fatherly advice?