Frank

That's not really a word in your vocabulary, snatch. What are you thinking?

I'm sorry Alf, I misquoted you above.. I was referring to Cardinal Sin. I don't know why. What are your thoughts on Shakin' Stevens new single?

Fuck off with your on-topic shit, you stupid fucking cunt.

That surely goes without saying. How do you think it felt when you and Bill came along and started articulating all over the place? Most of the old school disappeared overnight whilst I managed to hang on by the skin of my teeth. I feel like I've got one more turn in me.. and maybe a couple of vids. Give me another chance.

I don't think I've ever told you that you've always been shit. Maybe in life you have something. On here.. nothing. It's not until you reach a certain age that you understand why some couples sit next to each other in restaurants rather than opposite. Staring across a table at a jowly withered head you once desperately loved.. now with grey roots, pinched lippoed-lips, receding gums and eyes that gave up long ago, is quite upsetting.

There's a fine mist over the Blackmore Vale this morning, decs. I'm listening to Mrs K's breathing pattern as she lies next to me, fast asleep. The sun is breaking through and I'm looking at the side of her face. She looks old.

Idiot.

Mrs K had some dozy plummy school mum over for lunch this afternoon. Everything was fucking 'diviiiiiiiiine'. I fucking hate you ape.

This is not working for either of us.

Fuck off.

Personally, I'm rather fond of you withers. Overall, you're a bit shit.

I don't know what she's worried about, baws.. I'm only interested in pumping out her blower. She wears those big M&S oldie skin-coloured knickers that hold all that shit together around her hairy bucket. That's not for me.

I've written a song about us.

Forget these tokenisms, gobbie. Let's just stick with the PM's. Still on for 8?

The female Snatch of the board... everything he is with Pilates.

You seem to have a problem with other women on here, gyppo. Is everything ok in that flea-ridden static van you call home? Thick whore.

noted.

Witheredscrote is the shitty wet faux French sap who's best ignored, and northerners don't tend to enter the frame. I cover then the remaining four including Pen.

You had her on the ropes for a moment there, snatch. Good effort.

no?

Pile of shit.

I'm sorry to hear that, Withers. I tend to ignore you because I feel that you're on a similar plain to ding and snatch.. gyppo and scotty. A sort of nothing.

Snatch, I've put together a new video that I'm afraid doesn't show you in the best light. The title's named after the Bee Gees hit 'Spirits Having Flown' and it premieres here when I'm good and ready.

Bubba C = £15000 basic, OTE... e-type. Idiot.