Eric Cuntman

BBC = Beasts Buggering Children

With your brother, yes.

Are you 'Huggy Bear'?

If it rhymes, it's poetry. If it doesn't it's bollocks.

Charlie Drake walking around pissed, and holding a ten inch black dildo would surely amuse anyone.

Sinderella. I've got it on antique VHS.

Unfortunate anaesthesia incident?

If one of my precious things go missing.. you know how pissed off John Wick was when they killed his dog? Times that by ten, and that's how pissed off I'll be.

I'll find you. I'll fucking find you.

Did you know that Roops is a qualified dentist? True, not a wind up.

Frattled©

I think I might be a bit weird Salt-Flats. When you mentioned Tom Petty earlier, I got a strange recollection of wanting to fuck Brooke Smith when she was singing 'American girl' in silence of the lambs. Then I put on the DVD of 'The Survivor series 7' and I still quite fancied fucking her as a pregnant, murdering, Tornado-bait slag. I genuinely think that I might be sick in the head.

'Oh yeah, alright. Take it easy baby, Make it last all night'.

Denis Leary. A properly funny cunt. In my opinion, had the edge on Bill Hicks. More of a presence and likeability. To be fair, the greatest ever stand up, is Jerry Sadowitz, the Scotsman. How can you not like a man who walks out onto the main stage at the Montreal festival, and greets the audience with.. "Good evening moose-fuckers"

They are just paralysed with awe, at my intimidating masculinity RK. Nothing to worry about. As you were.

That cunt was superb as the angel sent down to save Al Bundy in Married With Children. "Hey god, you gotta give me a minute with this Bundy. I thought I was sent here to save a human soul"

Women are brilliant, soft, warm, smell nice. Tits and a specially designed receptacle for my cock. How the fuck could any bloke prefer a dry, shitty, mans arse? The yanks had it right in the fifties. Homosexuality is a mental illness.

I'll stick to squishy velvet caverns.

Yeah, but come on, you're not averse to a bit of clam action. Nothing wrong with that. I'm proud to be a lesbian.

Sounds like paradise.

'Slotted' I once confiscated a 3" lock knife from one of those white Essex kids that think they're Jamaican. He said; "What you doin' blud? Gimme back me borer" What the fuck is a 'borer' some new fucking gangsta term for 'shank'?

Yes, that's all very well. But your earlier defensive stance regarding this fleabag bird, does suggest you're going through a bit of a lezzy phase. It's why you keep telling punters that 'they don't know Jack'. I'm guessing you've always been a bit undecided, but settled on Hetero, for convenience.

Imagine those dormitory conversations... .."Punkleton! You boy! Brown Major wants to see you in the showers. Look lively!"

A Big Black.

He described himself as a Florida native, and you asked him which state he was from. Tom petty died of a heartbreaker.