Eric Cuntman

You've spelt spunk wrong.

'Affected' ffs

Let's hope the kitchen staff at the prison had the sense to sneak pork derivatives into his food every day for 2 and a half years, and then told him about it as he was being released. Larks and chuckles.

A question asked by countless children as it first occurs to them that 'fun-size' appears to be considerably less 'fun' than normal size.

It's important to remember.. Guns don't kill people.. you do Scotters.

Purdey shotguns are for hoorays. Real gentlemen opt for Hollund & Hollend.

They're all pretty much 12 ft/lbs unless you whack in a heavier piston and open the transfer port about 0.3 millimetres. All that bollocks about stronger springs is shite, doesn't make any fucking difference. just spend £400 on a Legal limit weirauch, which will easily kill rabbits at 30 yards, and if that's not enough, apply for a F.A.C and have the police up your arse every 6 months until you relinquish it.

She looks a bit awkward, that particular look was pulled off properly by Scarlett Johansson in the other sort of Avengers.

More meltdowns than Madame Tussaud's after Operation Yewtree.

No, funnily enough I have never laid in the bath and pulled back my foreskin, imagining my bellend to be a xenomorph egg pod. you're more fucked up than that Ratcum.

On the subject of low hanging fruit and silly little boys, I notice that little absentee Albert has been lurking about, smashing away at the cunt button like a chimpanzee with a Fischer Price activity centre.

You would be hopeless at snooker... ..disregarding the pink in favour of the brown and then swallowing the white. lol lol.

And I imagine the ivory balls were originally intended for snooker, a game invented by British officers in India, yet a game you claim is for oiks and peasants. lol

Has that rotten cunt been spelling at you again?

"Mug" ? You Burberry wearing, Danny Dyer Chav cunt. lol

How terrible that this 'person of non specific gender' felt that 'they' were unable to come out of the closet. We as a society are all guilty of a hate crime against 'them', namely that we fail to provide support, understanding and attention to our LGBTISIS 'persons'. All straight white people are cunts for not helping this person to come out of the closet.

@Iam Ape, is it ok to talk about spoons, rusty ones?

I've got four teaspoons with 'Inter-City' stamped on the handles. How much are they worth?

Foetid is an acknowledged alternative spelling to fetid. Unlike herpees.

Yeah, thanks.

What would they call a remake of Rambo starring idris elba?

And a vacuum cleaner called Coo-Noo.

Teledarkies

Not forgetting, most of the cunts end up earning a fortune advertising cereal bars once they've won a couple of medals for going round an athletics track with a strap-on Pogo Stick, or blind football with a jingly ball that they chase around like spazzy kittens.

I once worked with a woman who looked like Nanny McPhee. Even down to the long front tooth, I wonder if her husband's cock had a groove cut into the shaft.