Guest nobgobbler Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 You cut fingers to shreds on the fucking stuff. You're grovelling around on the floor for hours trying to get the bastard to fit together properly. You've got loads left over coz the calculation table in the shop was way out. And despite all your efforts, it looks a cunt. I need a man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 You've broken the golden rule " a job worth doing is a job worth getting someone else to do ". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Laminate wooden flooring can be comical .When I'm round my sister's house her dog slides on it when it tries running in the hallway which is "laminated" which makes me lauigh but then I'm easilly pleased. Mind you its also annoying when you hear its claws clicking on the stuff when it walks over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 I need a man. Nothing else has worked so far,So I’ll wish upon a star,Wondrous sparkling speck of light,I need a Jew... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 You should have gone to Specsavers... Take the cunt back to the shop. They sold you the wrong size. Or if all else fails, turn the planks upside down and carpet tile the floor with whatever you can lay your hands on. It is at times such as these, that Rev would have come in handy. He's very keen at taking on DIY projects. There was a time when you could get away with that as well. I remember turning sheets of hardboard over to cover a shit floor and laid a carpet on top of it. If some gay TV programme did the hardboard thing it would start a new trend. No doubt they would paint it duck egg blue and draw lines on it to look like planks and distress it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Laminate flooring is easy to lay. You must be retarded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Laminate wooden flooring can be comical .When I'm round my sister's house her dog slides on it when it tries running in the hallway which is "laminated" which makes me lauigh but then I'm easilly pleased. Mind you its also annoying when you hear its claws clicking on the stuff when it walks over it. I play "laser dog" on our laminate floor with my Jack Russell when I've had a few beers. Basically I shine a laser pointer on the floor and track it down the room, with the dog charging after it. Eventually she realises she is about to hit the radiator and does a broadside slide trying to avoid crashing. It's very childish but it's also fucking hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheCatWoman Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Nothing else has worked so far,So I’ll wish upon a star,Wondrous sparkling speck of light,I need a Jew... This is a trap, right? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 The only wooden floor worth having is a well laid parquet floor. Laminate looks cheap and bare boards make a home look like a hovel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 This is a trap, right? This isn't the furry four-legged quadruped I was expecting but what the fuck, all cats are grey in the dark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Laminate flooring is easy to lay. You must be retarded.I am but it's supposed to be a secret. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted September 15, 2014 Report Share Posted September 15, 2014 I agree with the above really, though I did have 'parquet' brand solid wood laminate put down professionally at my last place which looked really nice. The cheap stuff looks like it's made out of plastic, and you see the same wood grain pattern every other piece. I tend to prefer reclamation floorboards these days, the real wood has so much character. I couldn't think of anything I'd want less than shit bargain basement laminate flooring put town by someone who hasn't a clue how to fit it, you might as well get a pair of scissors out and lay down laminate effect Lino. It'd look better. Unless you purchased solid wood, then all that you have there is glorified hardboard with a thin sheet of veneer that wouldn't last you a year. Some laminates are even coated with printed paper. Anyway, you did wrong in the first place by purchasing laminate flooring. It is totally unsuitable as a flooring material for a Yurt on Dartmoor ;-) I came to the same conclusion myself, so I ripped it all back up, got my jigsaw out and made it into a trailer for grumpy's flid scooter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted September 15, 2014 Report Share Posted September 15, 2014 You may or may not be able to lay it but that's only the start of the million hells you've let yourself in for. Get the whole house done with this shit and it sounds like you've invited Buddy Rich, Charlie Watts and Bill Ward round for an impromptu jam session - FOR ALL FUCKING ETERNITY! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted September 15, 2014 Report Share Posted September 15, 2014 You may or may not be able to lay it but that's only the start of the million hells you've let yourself in for. Get the whole house done with this shit and it sounds like you've invited Buddy Rich, Charlie Watts and Bill Ward round for an impromptu jam session - FOR ALL FUCKING ETERNITY! Sounds like the very bitter voice of experience speaking. Let me guess - it was Mrs Cock's idea? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted September 15, 2014 Report Share Posted September 15, 2014 Laminate is utter shit. If you are going to go through the effort of installing wood floors, then install real fucking wood, ffs. Laminate buckles, and rises up. The last thing anybody needs is one of their more elderly relatives to fall on the raised shit, and open their head on the corner of the table. Much the same as childproofing the electrical outlets, you need to secure the premises for those with mobility problems. Everybody ages, some do it less gracefully than others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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