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Mopeds.


Guest Gurt

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Seems like all the little spunk-dump, 17year old, fuck faces round here have joined some sort of parody of The Hells Angels. Little cunts riding round en mass pulling fucking wheelies like they're on Streethawk. 

After hearing the fuckers talking to each other at cunting 1am, it seems that they are emulating the speech of their heroe, the famously cabbaged Eddie Kidd.  

Fucking sound of them makes my sphincter clench from a mile away. 

Have readied a nice piece of piano wire so me and the neighbours can have a game of 5 a side with their heads. Let's hope I don't take out a Romanian driving for dominoes

cunts...

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I always fancied rebuilding a Lambretta when I was a young cunt. An old mate had a 175 left in his garage from the mid-sixties, but I lost interest and rebuilt an old Triumph Trophy 650 instead. A proper bloke's bike. These plastic rice-rocket heaps of shite are ridden by the type of wanker-haircut arse-candles that need their fucking clackerbag scythed off and then drop-kicked into a fucking bark-stripper. I've shat out chicken dopiazas that go faster than these benefits-dependent mong chariots. It should be made law that you flatten these bastards out on the road. 

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Guest Snatch

I always fancied rebuilding a Lambretta when I was a young cunt. An old mate had a 175 left in his garage from the mid-sixties, but I lost interest and rebuilt an old Triumph Trophy 650 instead. A proper bloke's bike. These plastic rice-rocket heaps of shite are ridden by the type of wanker-haircut arse-candles that need their fucking clackerbag scythed off and then drop-kicked into a fucking bark-stripper. I've shat out chicken dopiazas that go faster than these benefits-dependent mong chariots. It should be made law that you flatten these bastards out on the road. 

What,no fire Rev?

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Seems like all the little spunk-dump, 17year old, fuck faces round here have joined some sort of parody of The Hells Angels. Little cunts riding round en mass pulling fucking wheelies like they're on Streethawk. 

After hearing the fuckers talking to each other at cunting 1am, it seems that they are emulating the speech of their heroe, the famously cabbaged Eddie Kidd.  

Fucking sound of them makes my sphincter clench from a mile away. 

Have readied a nice piece of piano wire so me and the neighbours can have a game of 5 a side with their heads. Let's hope I don't take out a Romanian driving for dominoes

cunts...

Get their addresses, and find some local gyppoes to relieve them of their silver dream racers.

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What,no fire Rev?

Yeah, sorry Snatchers. Once you've reversed over the bastards until your suspension can detect no obstruction impeding it's progress, why not pour a litre or two of forecourt 98 RON on the fucker's screaming remains, light a match or flip open your Zippo to complete the project and flambé the cunt. You know it makes sense.

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I don't understand why these things are being called mopeds, they're scooters. The word moped derives from motor and pedal, motorised pedal cycles. Like so

 

Raleigh_Runabout_Moped_-_Flickr_-_mick_-

If it aint got pedals, it aint a moped.

It might also be that kids moped around on them. Miserable little cunts.

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I don't understand why these things are being called mopeds, they're scooters. The word moped derives from motor and pedal, motorised pedal cycles. Like so

That looks like a Triumph Thunderbird above that monstrosity. Absolute cunt of a bike.

Raleigh_Runabout_Moped_-_Flickr_-_mick_-

If it aint got pedals, it aint a moped.

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Guest Lady Penelope

It would be 1969. I was at the top of a steep hill admiring the view and during the long minutes that followed I heard the sound of a little two stroke engine struggling away, the sound gradually became louder and louder and after what seems hours a Raleigh runabout came into view and riding it was a bloated woman who must have weighed at least 25 stone. God knows how the brakes held her as she made the descent the other side of the hill, but the road that side was straight and I wached her descend and she certainly made it to to  bottom astride that poor little moped.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Wizardsleeve

1969? Fucking hell, in 1969 I was swimming towards an egg, well at least part of me was.

A young'un then, Drew?  You young types are always in a rush, why is that?

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Guest DingTheRioja

A young'un then, Drew?  You young types are always in a rush, why is that?

To get away from the old cunts who stink of piss....

Fizzies were fucking ace... Had an unrestricted one, it was the time when the new ones were all being restricted... flying up and down the lanes, across the quarry tops... scaring the shit out of yourself with semi-bald road tyres on the edge of the cliff...

...helmet? Helmets were for POOFS!

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Guest Wizardsleeve

To get away from the old cunts who stink of piss....

 

These things happen as we get older.  Lecherous geezers like myself enjoy admiring fit young women as they frolic about in their tight fitting clothes wondering if they've ever considered the embrace of an older partner, but I digress. 

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Guest DingTheRioja

These things happen as we get older.  Lecherous geezers like myself enjoy admiring fit young women as they frolic about in their tight fitting clothes wondering if they've ever considered the embrace of an older partner, but I digress. 

Just to set the record straight.. it's not just you old farts who have that idea either...

....just make sure that they have a driving licence so it's not an Uncle Jimmy jobbie...

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Guest Wizardsleeve

Just to set the record straight.. it's not just you old farts who have that idea either...

....just make sure that they have a driving licence so it's not an Uncle Jimmy jobbie...

claiming senility is no longer a defense?

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Guest Wizardsleeve

That cunt Savile ruined everything. It's where you can't even get old and suffer memory loss and enjoy slipping a cheeky finger without punishment. My paternal grandfather was lucky, he violated all of his nurses at his care centre before kicking off, and they all found it cute. 

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Guest Gong Farmer

11754728_1652803518339320_4686658872512310513253_1445750135711327_61534410947845I always fancied rebuilding a Lambretta when I was a young cunt. An old mate had a 175 left in his garage from the mid-sixties, but I lost interest and rebuilt an old Triumph Trophy 650 instead. A proper bloke's bike. These plastic rice-rocket heaps of shite are ridden by the type of wanker-haircut arse-candles that need their fucking clackerbag scythed off and then drop-kicked into a fucking bark-stripper. I've shat out chicken dopiazas that go faster than these benefits-dependent mong chariots. It should be made law that you flatten these bastards out on the road. 

I've just sold my 1964 Lambretta LI 125/175. I bought it about ten years ago in Amsterdam, a barn find, and did a complete rebuild and pimp up on it. I' sold it last week to finance a 1969 Vespa 50's, all original except that I've increased the engine capacity to 90cc with a 19/19 carb and big bore sports exhaust to make it buzz louder and go bit faster. Love the Lambrettas still but can't stand the utter cunts that get on the scooter ralllies nowadays, middle aged born again scooterist cunts acting up like they were 17 years old again while they're away from their wives for the weekend, they've all been out of the scene for twenty five years but strangely seem to know it all, fucking twats and I'm out of it because of them. The Lammy was good for long distance rallying, the vespa on the other hand is good for going down to the local coffee shop to pick up my stash of weed. Fuck scooter rallies and the 'born again' cunts that now contaminate them with their sheer cuntery and 'credit card built' scooters that they pretend to but know absolutely nothing about.

Edited by Gong Farmer
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