scotty Posted April 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 I asked the bookshop assistant for a book about having sex with dwarfs. "How can you stoop so low?" she jeered. I said "That's the one." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 3 hours ago, Decimus said: Mike, you strait laced, beige cunt. Since you are of the opinion that anyone who uses an exclamation mark in a sentence is a drama queen of Mariah Carey proportions, your base level sarcasm is about as valid as Ding's completely clean CRB check. Oh good, you're back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 Just now, MikeD said: Oh good, you're back. Oh good, Mike, you're still a saggy left hanging hairy bollock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 On 7 April 2016 at 8:15 PM, Bubbles said: Why did God create women? To transport spunk from the bedroom to the bathroom. Why did the allied troops stay out of Basra? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 1 minute ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Why did the allied troops stay out of Basra? Probably because they thought you might be there you daft fucking wanker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 Just now, nocti said: Probably because they thought you might be there you daft fucking wanker. It was fucking sheeeeeite! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 Just now, Properkhunt said: In a state of undress the other night, Mrs Properkhunt looked me up and down disdainfully and said I wish you were hung like Ron Jeremy. I said I wish you were hung like Ruth Ellis. Do you want to suck my dick Properkhunt? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 9, 2016 Report Share Posted April 9, 2016 4 minutes ago, Properkhunt said: Knock, knock. Who's there? Versace. Versace who? That's the fashion business for you. Why did the massive cracking pair of tits cross the road? To get to the udder side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted April 9, 2016 Report Share Posted April 9, 2016 7 hours ago, nocti said: Do you want to suck my dick Properkhunt? Hello Broney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 9, 2016 Report Share Posted April 9, 2016 Frank walks into a bar and orders 6 doubles of expensive whisky. He drinks them straight down, one after the other. The barman asks "Are you celebrating something?" "Yes", Frank says "My first blowjob". "Congratulations, let me get you a 7th drink, on the house!", offers the barman. "Thanks", says Frank, "but if six shots won't get the taste out of my mouth, I don't think the seventh will either". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 9, 2016 Report Share Posted April 9, 2016 What has four legs and a cunt in the middle of it's back? A police horse, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 9, 2016 Report Share Posted April 9, 2016 13 hours ago, nocti said: Do you want to suck my dick Properkhunt? Do you like duck madam? Well suck my dick- it's fowl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 9, 2016 Report Share Posted April 9, 2016 A penguin walks into a pub and asks the barman if he's seen his brother. The barman says, 'don't know, what does he look like?' Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 As I reached across the bed and switched on Je T'aime, my wife sighed. "Why do you always have to play that when we make love?" she complained. "If it turns you on so much, I could do the sexy voice for you myself." "Don't be ridiculous," I said. "You don't sound anything like him." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 5 minutes ago, scotty said: As I reached across the bed and switched on Je T'aime, my wife sighed. "Why do you always have to play that when we make love?" she complained. "If it turns you on so much, I could do the sexy voice for you myself." "Don't be ridiculous," I said. "You don't sound anything like him." Scotty you cunt, I'm putting in a complaint. If I'd kept churning these out the lynch mob would have been after me!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 1 hour ago, MikeD said: Scotty you cunt, I'm putting in a complaint. If I'd kept churning these out the lynch mob would have been after me!! Fuck off Mike, Scotty is a comedy legend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 2 hours ago, Bubbles said: Fuck off Mike, Scotty is a comedy legend. To be honest mate, I'm just a cunt with a sense of humour. And mikes right, he probably would have been crucified for posting what I've put on this thread. I reckon between the three of us, and baws when he finally finds the time to log on here again, we ought to get a decent percentage of the old sicki gags back online. I'm on a mission here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 29 minutes ago, scotty said: To be honest mate, I'm just a cunt with a sense of humour. And mikes right, he probably would have been crucified for posting what I've put on this thread. I reckon between the three of us, and baws when he finally finds the time to log on here again, we ought to get a decent percentage of the old sicki gags back online. I'm on a mission here. And good luck with your mission Sooty. Now if you can only persuade Roops and Rick B to post something mildly amusing on this thread then you have cracked it. Mind you , you have got more chance of pushing a pound of butter up your arsehole with a red hot knitting needle than that ever happening. Vive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 1 minute ago, witheredscrote said: And good luck with your mission Sooty. Now if you can only persuade Roops and Rick B to post something mildly amusing on this thread then you have cracked it. Mind you , you have got more chance of pushing a pound of butter up your arsehole with a red hot knitting needle than that ever happening. Vive Thats has to be one the funniest comments on here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 1 hour ago, scotty said: To be honest mate, I'm just a cunt with a sense of humour. And mikes right, he probably would have been crucified for posting what I've put on this thread. I reckon between the three of us, and baws when he finally finds the time to log on here again, we ought to get a decent percentage of the old sicki gags back online. I'm on a mission here. I'll just stop my one-liners. See how you like that, you bunch of cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 Girl goes to the doctor worried that she might be turning into a man as she has hair on her chest. Doctor says, 'That's nothing to worry about, lots of women have some hair on their chest. How far down does it go?' Girl says, 'Down to my balls.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 1 hour ago, witheredscrote said: And good luck with your mission Sooty. I didn't realise Scotty was black! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 1 hour ago, MikeD said: I'll just stop my one-liners. See how you like that, you bunch of cunts. It'd be hugely appreciated if you did a final line, Mike. Preferably a big fat fucking line of Ajax. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 2 minutes ago, Bubbles said: It'd be hugely appreciated if you did a final line, Mike. Preferably a big fat fucking line of Ajax. Couldn't do it, Decimus would be fucking heartbroken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 3 hours ago, neil298 said: I didn't realise Scotty was black! I've been trying to Sweep that under the carpet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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