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Simon Brown


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Did he train hard for this?

I shagged a girl down by the railway lines one night. When I told my mate he asked if she was good looking. I told him I didn't know as I never found her head.

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In bold print the headline says "Simon Brown died after being struck by an oncoming train last month".

The it goes onto say "Simon Brown, 24, from East Grinstead, West Sussex, suffered fatal injuries after he struck his head on a signal gantry near Balham, in south-west London last month."

So which was it,a train or a gantry?

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3 minutes ago, Snatch said:

In bold print the headline says "Simon Brown died after being struck by an oncoming train last month".

The it goes onto say "Simon Brown, 24, from East Grinstead, West Sussex, suffered fatal injuries after he struck his head on a signal gantry near Balham, in south-west London last month."

So which was it,a train or a gantry?

I don't think it matters much to him now.

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3 minutes ago, Snatch said:

I like the way they said he "suffered fatal injuries".

Yes,I'd say it was pretty fucking fatal.

With his brains spread over 400 yards of Network Rail real estate and his head serving as a grill ornament on an Intercity 125, he would be perfectly qualified as a manager at my place of work.

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Guest Alfie Noakes
2 hours ago, Manky said:

Did he train hard for this?

I shagged a girl down by the railway lines one night. When I told my mate he asked if she was good looking. I told him I didn't know as I never found her head.

That is on the sickipedia thread. This is shorter and more concise though! 

CaptainCuntoff

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Two repair men were walking along examining the railway track, chatting casually.
"I had a great shag near here the other day," said one of them, "a great girl, she had a lovely body and the longest smoothest legs you can imagine. Gagging for it she was. The best sex I've had in years!"
"Well," said the other, she must have been a bit of a dog to go with you. What did she look like? Blonde hair I suppose."
"Dunno," said the first, "I couldn't find her head."

southerncunt and scotty like this  Like this
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Good work manky.

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5 minutes ago, neil298 said:

Every fucking train I've ever been on has a warning sticker on every window saying DO NOT put you head out of the window,with this in mind i dont think his brains would cover 400mm let alone 400 fucking yards

As I started this in Imperial Units and you answered in Johnny Foreigner metric shit, your post is likely to confuse the vast majority of posters on here. It confused the fuck out of me. Do warning notices help if you stick your head out of a train and something twats it at a great rate of knots?

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3 minutes ago, Alfie Fucking Noakes said:

That is on the sickipedia thread. This is shorter and more concise though! 

CaptainCuntoff

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Two repair men were walking along examining the railway track, chatting casually.
"I had a great shag near here the other day," said one of them, "a great girl, she had a lovely body and the longest smoothest legs you can imagine. Gagging for it she was. The best sex I've had in years!"
"Well," said the other, she must have been a bit of a dog to go with you. What did she look like? Blonde hair I suppose."
"Dunno," said the first, "I couldn't find her head."

southerncunt and scotty like this  Like this
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Good work manky.

Never claimed I was original. I doubt there is an original joke anywhere, just variations on a theme.

Anyway, I walked into a library.......

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1 minute ago, Manky said:

As I started this in Imperial Units and you answered in Johnny Foreigner metric shit, your post is likely to confuse the vast majority of posters on here. It confused the fuck out of me. Do warning notices help if you stick your head out of a train and something twats it at a great rate of knots?

If I see I huge steaming pile of shit, that's 1 SPG (Sir Philip Green). An comprehensibly vile cunt of a person is a Thatcher. The USA is a gigathatcher

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2 minutes ago, mothra said:

If I see I huge steaming pile of shit, that's 1 SPG (Sir Philip Green). An comprehensibly vile cunt of a person is a Thatcher. The USA is a gigathatcher

30 years after she saved the country, some twisted fuckers (like you) with a tenuous grasp of reality can't let it go. I would love a conversation with you over a pint. I would catch up on my missed sleep for the past year before you said anything of interest. You fucking spacker.

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6 minutes ago, mothra said:

If I see I huge steaming pile of shit, that's 1 SPG (Sir Philip Green). An comprehensibly vile cunt of a person is a Thatcher. The USA is a gigathatcher

Fuck me,how long ago was it you put your head out of a train window?,did it hurt?

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1 minute ago, Manky said:

30 years after she saved the country, some twisted fuckers (like you) with a tenuous grasp of reality can't let it go. I would love a conversation with you over a pint. I would catch up on my missed sleep for the past year before you said anything of interest. You fucking spacker.

I thought we were friends

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Guest Ollyboro
5 minutes ago, mothra said:

I thought we were friends

JT, I've warned you about making friends with people whose brains are so full of shit they think Thatch saved the country. Well, haven't I? If you met Lord fucking Lawson would you make friends with the turkey necked cunt (not a trap)? Or Edwina fucking Currie (not a trap)? Of course you fucking wouldn't. You'd gas their inglorious arses. 

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34 minutes ago, Ollyboro said:

JT, I've warned you about making friends with people whose brains are so full of shit they think Thatch saved the country. Well, haven't I? If you met Lord fucking Lawson would you make friends with the turkey necked cunt (not a trap)? Or Edwina fucking Currie (not a trap)? Of course you fucking wouldn't. You'd gas their inglorious arses. 

And the alternative would be either a freak in a duffle coat or some tool who fell in the sea. The union's would rule the country to the detriment of all but the favoured few powerful unions. Our standing in the world would be rock bottom, The Falklands would speak Spanish, as would Gibraltar.

Let's face it, Blair didn't do us many favours. Iraq. Afghanistan, PFI, hideous wife. All clusterfucks.

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4 hours ago, Couldn't give a shit said:

The only positive here is that his head was ripped off while he was doing something he loved. Besides that he was a world class cunt for getting killed in such a fashion.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3768623/Railway-fanatic-decapitated-putting-head-Gatwick-Express-train.html

Given that it was the northbound Gatwick Express the poor cunt was probably just leaning out to try to get away from the smell coming off of the latest wave of immigrants headed to Haringey.

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