People who walk backwards into you

[Jiggerycock]

Happens more than you suspect.

By and large, you can spot the normal-perambulating I-Phone onanists - heads down, tapping out that critical Twitter non-thought - as they head to you, and give them a Phil Bennett bodyswerve.

They are not the problem.

But the number of folk who, tossing spatial awareness joyously to the four winds, take a few steps backwards into me in order to obtain the full vista of the egg display at Tesco say, is truly astonishing.

You feel you need to don full American Football padding to go to the shops - oh, and an NBC suit to protect you from the retard germs they're intent on coughing and spitting all over the show, but that another posting entirely.

[ratcum]

1 minute ago, Jiggerycock said:

Happens more than you suspect.

By and large, you can spot the normal-perambulating I-Phone onanists - heads down, tapping out that critical Twitter non-thought - as they head to you, and give them a Phil Bennett bodyswerve.

They are not the problem.

But the number of folk who, tossing spatial awareness joyously to the four winds, take a few steps backwards into me in order to obtain the full vista of the egg display at Tesco say, is truly astonishing.

You feel you need to don full American Football padding to go to the shops - oh, and an NBC suit to protect you from the retard germs they're intent on coughing and spitting all over the show, but that another posting entirely.

I feel your pain Jigglo.

I reckon fewer of these chodes  would back into you, if they thought you were a raving brown hat. Try dressing up as Cliff RichTurd and crying a bit.

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

54 minutes ago, ratcum said:

I feel your pain Jigglo.

I reckon fewer of these chodes  would back into you, if they thought you were a raving brown hat. Try dressing up as Cliff RichTurd and crying a bit.

He could always invite punkape to join him.

[Cuntybaws]

2 hours ago, ratcum said:

I reckon fewer of these chodes  would back into you, if they thought you were a raving brown hat. Try dressing up as Cliff RichTurd and crying a bit.

Stationary pedestrians could adopt the same principle as reversing lorries by emitting a constant high-pitched whine and saying "Wibble" every 5 seconds. The chodes will then know you're there and avoid you like the plague.

In the Home Counties, you could replace "Wibble" with "LIVING DOLL!", in the style of the Young Ones, to achieve the same effect. Scots could simply shout "Vitamins".

[ratcum]

1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said:

Stationary pedestrians could adopt the same principle as reversing lorries by emitting a constant high-pitched whine and saying "Wibble" every 5 seconds. The chodes will then know you're there and avoid you like the plague.

In the Home Counties, you could replace "Wibble" with "LIVING DOLL!", in the style of the Young Ones, to achieve the same effect. Scots could simply shout "Vitamins".

Excellent CB.

I always pack some fresh fruit before driving to Scotland. The thrill of sneaking all that fibre and vitamins over the border, is akin to combat buzz

[Guest 'eavensabove]

1 hour ago, ratcum said:

Excellent CB.

I always pack some fresh fruit when we drive to Scotland. The thrill of sneaking all that fibre and vitamins over the border, is akin to combat buzz

I'd also consider some wild bird seed added to the fruit too, not only to improve a Scott's diet but also as a decoy when under attack.

 

Edited April 15, 2018 by 'eavensabove

[ratcum]

2 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

I'd also consider some wild bird seed added to the fruit too, not only to improve a Scott's diet but also as a decoy when under attack.

 

fuck!

[camberwell gypsy]

9 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

Happens more than you suspect.

By and large, you can spot the normal-perambulating I-Phone onanists - heads down, tapping out that critical Twitter non-thought - as they head to you, and give them a Phil Bennett bodyswerve.

They are not the problem.

But the number of folk who, tossing spatial awareness joyously to the four winds, take a few steps backwards into me in order to obtain the full vista of the egg display at Tesco say, is truly astonishing.

You feel you need to don full American Football padding to go to the shops - oh, and an NBC suit to protect you from the retard germs they're intent on coughing and spitting all over the show, but that another posting entirely.

Good one. I believe you should be able to smack these cunts in the mouth without being prosecuted. I've now developed the skills of spotting these fuckers before they carry out their manoeuvre and am able to get round them without being knocked into the display of sunglasses. 

[Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt)]

9 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

Happens more than you suspect.

By and large, you can spot the normal-perambulating I-Phone onanists - heads down, tapping out that critical Twitter non-thought - as they head to you, and give them a Phil Bennett bodyswerve.

They are not the problem.

But the number of folk who, tossing spatial awareness joyously to the four winds, take a few steps backwards into me in order to obtain the full vista of the egg display at Tesco say, is truly astonishing.

You feel you need to don full American Football padding to go to the shops - oh, and an NBC suit to protect you from the retard germs they're intent on coughing and spitting all over the show, but that another posting entirely.

Are they the same people that block the aisles with their trollies and then fuck off and natter to Doris for half an hour? I move their trollies and put stuff back on the shelf.

[Guest White van man]

There was a special on in the supermarket today. He was collecting the trollies.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

22 hours ago, Alfie Noakes said:

He could always invite punkape to join him.

Poor Punker's is on his deathbed .. he's got Alabama Rot

[Guest Lady Penelope]

13 hours ago, Mr Albert Ross said:

Are they the same people that block the aisles with their trollies and then fuck off and natter to Doris for half an hour? I move their trollies and put stuff back on the shelf.

Being a customer, I tend to drop small but expensive items into their trolleys in the hope that they get a fright at the checkout.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

20 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

Stationary pedestrians could adopt the same principle as reversing lorries by emitting a constant high-pitched whine and saying "Wibble" every 5 seconds. The chodes will then know you're there and avoid you like the plague.

In the Home Counties, you could replace "Wibble" with "LIVING DOLL!", in the style of the Young Ones, to achieve the same effect. Scots could simply shout "Vitamins".

Why do those lorries and vans that have those "vehicle reversing" audio warnings always have a posh voice rather than a Midlands "Get yer fat arse out of the way" type voice?

[Guest 'eavensabove]

On ‎15‎/‎04‎/‎2018 at 9:36 AM, ratcum said:

I feel your pain Jigglo.

I reckon fewer of these chodes  would back into you, if they thought you were a raving brown hat. Try dressing up as Cliff RichTurd and crying a bit.

He's got himself:  A crying, sucking, spunk-filled teen-boy, blow-up doll. 

[Stubby Pecker]

4 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

He's got himself:  A crying, sucking, spunk-filled teen-boy, blow-up doll. 

Are you taking about @Quincy Cockfingers?

[ratcum]

6 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

He's got himself:  A crying, sucking, spunk-filled teen-boy, blow-up doll. 

I've got a little bit of sick in my mouth now

@Margaret Thatcher