Eric Cuntman

‘Legs Akimbo Children’s Theatre Company’

I don’t really fancy it with those strips of sellotape holding the letters in place.

Lattlay Fottfoy

Gets mentioned at spunk drinking competitions.

It’s just shredded ravioli. Don’t worry about it. Use it as a judgement and classification tool for others. If they say ‘Spaghetti Bolognaise’ they’re ok. If they say Spag-Bol, they’re a cunt. You can do the same with ‘Nougat’. Ask someone to pronounce it… if they say ‘nuggit’ they’re normal. If on the other hand they say, ‘noo-gar’ they’re a pervert, or Withers.

Looks classy. Did they have Viennetta for pud?

Nothing wrong with Angel Delight. Better than all that wank they put on the trolley in restaurants. So is Arctic Roll.

Go AIDS go!!

He already had a copy.

‘So how do you keep it so warm in here then?’

And I bet you dream of flushing toilets when you’re crouched in the gutter, curling out a garlicky one in the rain alongside le neighbours.

TRMS & Conditions apply.

Licking Kate Silverton not good enough?

Tell him you love him. Poofs are notoriously commitment-shy.

Sadia wall mounted water heaters. A big white cylinder with a swivelling chromed spout and a Bakelite tap on the front. The landing toilet was a ‘Dauntless Rubberline’. A fucking great black rubber cistern mounted on iron brackets near the ceiling. I miss that sort of luxury.