Jiggerycock

.......onto Punkape's weeny hard-on?

I'm tempted to go minimalist here, point readers at the use of Steppenwof's counter-culture classic 'Born To Be Wild' (for many, the start of heavy metal) and its insipidly twee makeover in the new Volvo ad, and leave it at that. Can't these cultural ghouls leave stuff alone though? Isn't there enough oh-so-lame contemporary music out there that large swathes of the population humm and whirr to, that ad-men can slap on a video of, oh I dunno, a labrador puppy licking some bubble gum icecream in order to sell you some shit you don't need. I only bring this up because Christmas is around the corner and I'm betting the farm some cunt has turned 'Sabbath Bloody Sabbath' (the bit where Ozzy screams 'YOU BASTARD!') into a torch song, as the backing track of an angelic child looking all wistful in soft focus - and John Lewis' marketing department are drowning in a pool of their own fucking cum!

Fatima's already got a job you stupid fucking imbeciles - one that make's your (present) nugatory lives that tiny bit more enriched.....well, after you've smoked that rollie, grassed on your neighbours, taken your head out your arse and had a BIG old wank!!!

I think it's got something to do with the fact that if Itchy Ballsack, Handjob and that despot Johnson have a Spotify account, own a turntable, have been to the theatre or cinema once during this lockdown, then they're hypocrites (as well as cunts, natch) in an already crowded arena.

Saw him on telly recently - felt like I'd been punched in the face by information

Yes - like it not killing them.

Cancer has a mortality of 50%; many of those victims are young. Covid has a mortality of 0.28%; mainly of those people so old/infirm that pretty much any illness would have taken them. Cancer screening, presentations, speeds of referrals, diagnostics, surgeries and chemotherapy have all been significantly reduced because of covid. It's shameful. We pay for a service that will knowingly neglect us at the behest of Matt Hancock.

Covid Marshalls 'eh? There's plenty of former servicemen sleeping rough in the doorways of closed shops. Why not utilise their training and 'command presence' and pay them to do the job? Okay, you'd have to be wary in case the PTSD kicks in. they whip out a Glock and start shouting about 'Ali Baba on the wire!' before popping a cap into anyone not wearing a mask, whilst lining up outside WH Smiths., but that's small price to pay I'd say.

Another one off the Vic Reeves / Eddie Izzard surrealist 'cookie-cutter' wank comedy production line. Note - a dull monolugue isn't comedy alchemy by inserting a non-sequitir about jam or chutney or string! Further note - surrealism isn't funny so stop trying - and by 'trying' I mean 'breathing'

There's going to be more of this stroppiness and not just from a few libertarians either. The current policy means people with fatal illnesses (other than c-19) are neglected, but more importantly, because the economy suffers turning many to homelessness, despair, suicide, forcing others to stay idle, abandon working, stop producing. T his is a recipe for a disaster of genuine biblical proportions, it has to stop before it's too late.

Who'd have thought CC would be the medium for channeling the ghost of Barbara Cartland? Have a like you terrible and frankly somewhat disturbing, cunt

Hit the fuckers first - ask questions later!

I beieve she’s going to have to admit defeat and buy a beach sarong before she turns the entire audience gay.

Well at least with Disney you accept the suspension of disbelief as a 'given' (Dumbo never shits himself before launching off the high wire). It's not beyond the realms of your imagination therefore to divine up a thalidomide trans Sudanese Snow White. Thing that interrupts the vinegar strokes for me is when Demelza is getting all doe-eyed and frisky in Poldark (you wondered why it was getting such great ratings? Wonder no more!), and suddenly there's a batallion of the Kings Own Sikh Hussars wading in to crush the Tin Miners rebellion, who have gone on strike for extra butt-plugs and amyl nitrate in their weekly pay.........as was undoubtedly the case in 18th Century Cornwall.

Yeah those too! "Today Little Mix, their back catalogue and their entire fucking bloodline was destroyed by the first four Black Sabbath albums!" There's a headline I want Huw Edwards to come out with.

Re the OP After the BBC 10 O'clock news, this is what passes for light entertainment at the BBC. If you don't like it, take lots of anti-retroviral Cowell / BGT drugs. grab a pair of Sennheisers and slam 'Purple Rain' on the turntable (you strike me as a turntable rather than Spotify kind of muso gunslinger) and play it over and over again until it's safe to come out, blinking, into the post-apocalptic sonic wasteland.

He 'belms' that's for def'

HS2 is a pile of wank, redundant before it's even shat into life, overtaken already by broadband and meeting platforms brought into promince by lockdown. A monument to Boris' collosal ego, pig-headed stupidity in the face of technological innovation and (for all I know and care) the death of the last Natterjack Toad outpost in England.

Aren't we forgetting the key issue here? The potential for a right-wing backlash against promising rap artists / footballers?

I read that and thought of Paul Weller, Bruce Foxton and the other one watching how to make a Battenburg. Not in the slightest bit funny, but it's a slow Friday chez Jiggers

Reverend Catherine Tucker, who was at the centre earlier, said: "The action taken against the police is really unacceptable but I also feel sorry for the perpetrator. "Sadly, I am not surprised there has been a shooting in Croydon. "There are tensions between the police and young people particularly in relation to stop and search and the way the police relate to the community." That's Clergyspeak for 'The pig deserved it' 'Really unacceptable' was it? I wonder what it would take for it to be 'wholly disconcerting'?

Up with the lark for the Potcheen run to Newry (with Steve Earle's 'Copperhead Road' blasting out the stereo). Bring back a lorry full of nicked sheep that'll be lamb chops for Sunday lunch for all from Drogheda to Galway - what fukkin' border's dat den?

You can all stuff a Shimano 105 groupset up your Abdoujaparovs (1991 Champs Elsees-style)

Schoolboy on plastic bicycle wins Tour de France ....on a hillside desolate. Will nature make a man of him yet?

He's hardly Henry Kissinger is he? 'Whatboutery' and 'Fuck' (and it's several derivatives) in equal measure - whilst entertaining - hardly make for a compelling argument and whilst not every interaction has to be of Oxford Union standards youd want a bit more in the way of discernable thought processes and articulate argument, otherwise he's a pub bore, just before closing time.