colonelkurtz

It seems that Ross 'Special Ops' Kemp is after all just another mardarse luvvie who passed on the opportunity to share his invaluable insights by declining hosting the "I'm a deluded Z list twat, get me the fuck out of here and back to the surface pronto" reality TV special where he was to have undertaken a hazardous , brave and fearless mini sub trip to the sea bed ["It's just like a glass bottomed boat dearie" cooed the producers ]. Seeing that cunt squealing gasping while shitting himself would have been worth watching not to mention decimating the viewing figures of that pair of squawking geordie cunts Saturday night fun filled shithousery show. As it happens we were all deprived of any worthwhile aaction , all of it ending with an almighty fucking wallop and splatter

... or maybe asking The Facilities Team Leader if any Maintainance Fitters are available to sort a dripping tap.

So the walking talking hazardous substance has finally croaked, They're gonna need a full COSHH assesment, source a decent flame thrower [good selection still going cheap in Serbia] a 50 litre drum of toluene and full PPE to render the cunt down properly followed by a 5km Hazmat restricted zone . Dumping the cunt at sea with all that plastic and botox shite has it's upside if only to annoy the fuck out of Whispering Dave and Jug Ears Charlie. My money is on cryogenic preservation so he can be lined up alongside Trump, Pieces of Hitler , Simon Cowell etc for future generations to marvel over what a time to be alive the 21st century was

"Why aren't plod out arresting burglars and paedos" whine the black hoodie, gloves and ski mask brigade. Well since the electric bikes your simpleton mothers provide for you along with pool cars are your chosen modes of transport while indulging in thieving and drug running the karma over the past few weeks has been a joy to see and long may it continue.

The funeral is bound to be a low key affair .. Spare a thought for all the local florists , shiny balloon and tacky shit sellers who will be fummin' at the loss of business

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-ddba0616-2130-4650-a122-904c7bd798f2 Cheers SS . I stand corrected , everything anyone needs to know and more is here at the tap of a button. Good old BBC , I knew we could rely on you.

What an absolute shower [©Terry Thomas] the BBC are . The complete absence of any information about their world famous EU song singing reality show is a national disgrace ! Is this what we pay our licence for ! When is it on .. where is it taking place .. is antanddec or that fit lass off the Peroni advert in it ? There's never ever a single mention of it on either the telly channels or poptastic radio stations . It doesn't even get a mention on 6 music ffs I will be writing to my MP when I find out who it is

One word .. Runcorn. Ok, two ..Crewe

Mrs Kurtz likes Call the Midwife and I'm more Black Mirror ... we each think each others tastes are shite , but hey ho, c'est la vie.

Didn't know much or cared even less about him, but what an ordeal the car shared journey in was this morning with the drivers radio tuned to poptastic R2 and the heartbreaking tributes and sinseridee soaked drivel uttered every 5 minutes by the nations fave radio presenters every one of course all knew him so well and loved him so much. The usual 40 minute journey seemed like it would never end. Somewhere in the BBC there;s probably a league table laying down the priority rating when the inevitable happens . Interruption of broadcast schedule , interviews with closest friends , TV special within two days of the event, celeb funeral event available on i player.. all the usual bollocks. My table toppers include Sir Cliff of Richard, Whispering Dave, Elton aka Reggie John, Charlie III, .While lingering in the relegation zone Rees Mogg , Stephen Fry , Jeremy Clarkson , Amanda - my shit don't stink - Holden etc . So that's the lunch break over for me, au revoir

David Attenborough , Cunt ? Surely not . The publics most well loved national treasure and all round luvverly bloke who has been toppermost of everyones poppermost human being chart since black and white telly days should give us all a break from his simpering waffle about everything from spider crabs wanking habits to the texture and stench of buffalo shit and all things in between. He's all a bit too earnest and he never slips in any knob jokes or wise cracks about those ugly as fuck deep sea fishes looking just like Katie Price. Just once I'd have loved to see a great white shark chomp on his leg or a starving hungry bastard buzzard tear half of his smug face off then swoop away squawking " oi oi cunt , so how do you like it then , serve you right for filming in my house without permission ! " . So give it a rest pal, after all you're just a glorified geography teacher who has been winging it for years with groupies composed entirely of National Trust Lifetime Memberhip Honda Jazz driving tossers. Although the state funeral , week of mourning and renaming the M25 in his honour should at least mean a day off work. Mind you with his likely successors being that Chris Packham dick and that skeletal bint that tags along with him maybe Dave isn't so bad after all.

This utter utter wankfest with assorted cuntery and charidee scrounging arsewipes can fuck right off... so it looks like a Black Mirror Binge evening with JW Black Label refreshment it is then.

You OK hun ?

According to The Ministry of Truth aka The Sun , Mail , Express it's official. From this day forth it's Harry -Treacherous Bastard - Windsor on the release of his Call of Duty Helmand Edition best score total. Even the pontificating MOD and Whitehall Ruperts and Jaspers have got in on the act. It seems he and conveniently by association the wifey, are from now on responsible for any future attacks by the Fun Loving Medieval Murdering Shitshower of Terry T's. Whatever happened to 'Gotcha!' .. 'Our Boys Done Good!' .. 'Up Yours Ahmed!' etc ? How the world changes with just a click of Murdochs' shit stained fingers

Could be worse. Our next door neighbours have received Peter fucking Kay concert tickets as an Xmas gift .. they obviously have some spiteful cunts in their family.. my money is on the Posh Spice wanabee bitch daughter in law.

The very reason CC was needed all those years ago .. is from Yorkshire ... likes Fleetwood Mac and Genesis ! Shithousery personified

The state of Brazils 2022 strip .. what the fuck is that ! To have a 1970 Riveleno top was the envy of every year 11 Umbro wanker and probably that bastarding PE teacher as well.

HRH The Queen Mother .. "all that dosh and still got a mouth like a burned out fusebox" © My Dad, REME 1967.

Them fucking arabs with their Sharona law and driving around in Rolls Royces, having 50 wives and making wads from selling us their oil and buying our footy clubs .. what a bunch of cunts. As if that's not enough they now think they can tell the gays and trannies and the Welsh they're not welcome to join in and enjoy the World Cup just like normal footy fans .. credit where it's due though, at least they do seem to be making an effort to assimilate .. sort of.

It seems some dumbfuck 'celeb [ and of course one of the lips like a baboons arse brigade] has left some shithousery excuse for a tv show on 'medical advice' and reported to be - wait for it - heartbroken over being unable to share the jolly jape with a bunch of like minded Z list cunts . This apparently qualifies as a fucking BBC news story ! Heartbroken is helplessly watching your 3 year old lying in a hospital bed on life support dying from leukemia or meningitis or sitting in court while some judge hands out community service to some sacks of shit who kicked your Dad to death in broad daylight. It obviously only gets the editors nod if it involves some horse face bint or washed up fucking has been.

If you close your eyes Penny Mordaunt becomes Catherine Deneuve c. 1983

The worst is the fucking stench and crusty gusset when she tries to do an Angela and cross her legs to distract Starmer.

Switch off the telly every time some cunt appears .. tremendous savings and endless choice 24/7

... or

Patel the clusterfuck queen has been winging it for years with her seemingly limitless succession of fuckups . Just imagine the shit she must have on Johnson or Rees Mogg to have held onto her nice little earner for so long. You can bet she is already there with daggers at the ready in the queue now forming behind the Truss cunt.